STOP DOING, START LEADING

The transition from individual contributor to leader can be challenging because we need to unlearn what made us successful so far as one person and acquire new and completely different skills to lead other people.

Actually, a paradigm shift is needed.

It’s like going through a deconditioning if you will and if you know of how much the brain loves conditionings – because they’re more effective and create safety -, you can understand the nature and depth of this paradigm shift.

On the other hand, the shift in your mindset from being a team member to becoming a leading manager is a transformational one so I believe it’s worth taking the journey.

Here are a few critical shifts a senior professional needs to experience in order to stop doing and start leading:?

1.????? Ask more, tell less.?

Anytime you tell and direct a team member, you are not helping them, you are helping yourself. You simply want to prove to others that you have all the answers, that you’re the boss and that you’re in control because you know “stuff”. This behavior usually stems from an old fear (acquired through the educational system) that urges you to be a good pupil to be rewarded (good grades and praise) and avoid punishment (bad grades and rejection/humiliation).

It also stems from an old patriarchal model that demands from the “leader” to be all-knowing and all-powerful. In the times we live in, this can’t be farther from the truth.

Being a leader requires making -and even forcing- your team to think more than you do because this is where their transformation and growth lie. Asking open-ended questions when they come to you with an issue is the best way to empower them and help them gain the confidence that they can figure out things by themselves. However, it requires you to sit on your urge of directing them and giving them answers.

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2.???? Think more, act less.?

An individual contributor’s role is usually to jump right into action and get things done.

A leader’s role is to see the big picture and let the team come up with the path – ideas and actions. A leader and their teams work in partnership. Every side brings something on the table and no one should be doing the heavy lifting. A leader should not be responsible for everything and everyone.

Despite their experience, many executives that have been managing teams for a very long time still struggle with NOT taking action. It makes them feel as if they were useless. It makes them feel guilty and as if they were doing something wrong. Again, the educational system’s conditioning plays a major role there: let’s do the work in order to pass the exam, let’s get things done to avoid stress, let’s avoid failure and pursue “success”.

You have to become aware of that pattern when you engage in it so you can stop it.

Remember that jumping into action is an emotional urge not a rational decision.

Freedom from this pattern will help you create spaces where you can choose better and create win-win situations for you and your team members. ?

When a task pops up, give yourself a few minutes to decide what a leader would do and what an individual contributor would do in that situation.?

Assess the consequences of each path.?

An example of a consequence of jumping right into action is getting rid of stress but the price you pay for it is high: people will never perceive you as a leader. You’ll always remain the doer and they will use that to their own advantage. Chances are you’ll often get lost in the weed and never be seriously considered for a promotion.?

Now from a leader’s perspective, an example of a consequence of delegating or even questioning the value of that same task shows you’re focused on the big picture (achieving a certain long term goal, growing new leaders in your team,…) and not necessarily on tackling that specific task only. What it says about you is that you’re a thinker, you know what you want to achieve, you fearlessly stand your ground and you know who’s the best person to accomplish that task -and it’s not you.

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3.???? People over projects.?

Individual contributors make sure they advance their projects. Leaders make sure their people are fully equipped to advance their projects.?

I still hear (too) many executives holding weekly one-to-ones with their team members during which they talk solely about the projects’ advancement when the reality of their role is also -and mainly- to talk about the person’s ability to advance the project and what they need to improve that ability.?

What exactly do I mean by that??

Focusing on the project only sends a message of not really caring about the person working on it. The person might feel as if they’re just a mean to an end. The person senses that their manager cares more about the project so, when they ever encounter any obstacles, they wouldn’t feel safe to open up to their manager about them. The manager loses here a huge opportunity to understand the team member’s perspective and needs to help them both grow professionally and advance the project. ??

On the other hand, leaders make sure their people are not only ok but that they are feeling great, excited and highly motivated at work. For that, projects must be secondary during the meetings. It’s counter-intuitive but this is how you send a really transformative message to your team member “I care about you first and about the project second”. This message is the kind of message that fosters unconditional trust and it can trigger employees' feelings of gratitude and make them want to go above and beyond.

This characteristics of leaders putting people over projects is a heart-driven quality. On the other hand, ego-driven managers are too afraid to not get things done and this is what transpires in their one-to-ones. It then shuts down their employees.

Putting people first is the best way for leaders to show genuine interest and care and guess what? The world is now more than ever craving for care.?

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4.??? Acknowledge more, never criticize.?

For a team member to experience optimal professional growth, they need to be told what their strengths are and what their potential is. As a leaders, you can help them see those. As a leader, it is also your job to express things (even mistakes they make) in a way that avoids criticism and is constructive.

It could be on a technical level as much as on a soft skill level. Here are two examples for each category when it comes to strengths:

“I really appreciate how you wrote that report. It was clear, concise and simple so everyone, even from other departments, was able to understand our perspective”.

“I want to acknowledge you for seeking information from the right people and coming up with a great decision of your own instead of asking me”.

When it comes to areas of development, never criticize your team members by saying things such as “you don’t have the skills to…”, “your decision was wrong”, “you take the wrong move”, “your presentation was weak”, etc.

Leaders use diplomacy. They say things like “After the presentation we had with the client, I noticed that confidence would be a key ingredient for you to grow more assertive. What are your thoughts on that? What’s the best way for you to receive that support?”

Remember, both of you are partners. The more you make them feel that way, the more they are going to respond as a trusted partner. Yes, as their manager, you do have more experience and more authority over them but the more you use the latter, the more they are going to let you do the heavy lifting.

Quite often, at the workplace, we don’t see manager/team member dynamics but parent/child ones.

Remember, partnerships are empowering for team members and less exhausting for their managers.??

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5.???? Make sure you take care of yourself.

Throughout the years coaching executives from multiple countries and cultures, I came to a realization: most of them don’t know how to care for themselves.

They go through the complexities and the chaos of the world by pushing themselves hard just to keep going. In other words, they use constant force against themselves instead of gentleness.

They treat themselves as if they were robots, normalizing working and spending the majority of their waking hours in jobs that most of the time they don’t even find fulfilling.

They ignore their bodies when they start to show warning signs that something is wrong. We’ve literally been brainwashed since childhood to work, work, work, and get called lazy or believe we are not working hard enough or not good enough if we choose to take a break.

As a result, they ignore their bodies and when not careful, they could be extremely sick and be totally unaware of it because they prioritize work over and above everything including their families, their sleep, their time, and their physical and mental health. ?

This is pure violence turned against themselves and it needs to change if we want to see a more humane leadership emerge.

Executives should give themselves permission to talk more about their well-being. Partnering with a professional coach is an option among others. They can then have a safe space to discuss their stress, their fears, their struggles without any judgement and get the right support to come up with strong and long-lasting solutions.

An executive at peace, who is rested, happy and healthy can in return fully support their team members with much more understanding, patience and care.

Honestly, there is no shortage of resources (articles, videos, trainings, coaching, events, podcasts, books, etc) for executives willing to learn how to better take care of themselves but, most of the times, the problem isn’t about learning. It’s about a lack of implementation.

Many executives still hold on to that belief that taking care of themselves and prioritizing their own needs and wellbeing is weak and shameful. It’s all because of the brainwashing I mentioned earlier – “work hard otherwise, you’ll be a failure”. Basically, that’s what’s going on in many executives’ minds whether they’re aware of it or not.?

The shift that these executives need first and foremost is to believe it is safe to take care of themselves. Feeling safe from within is one of the most precious commodity in the current turbulent world.

I trust you will find the right resources for you to take care of yourselves so I won’t share here what’s largely available on the internet.

However, I’d like to share a resource that not so many people are aware of called “The Heart-Brain Coherence” from the Heart Math Institute. You can easily find it on the internet. It is a simple technique that synchronizes the brain and the heart and has immense benefits such as reducing stress, enabling clear and rational thinking under pressure, accessing emotional intelligence and intuition on demand, optimizing cognitive performance, putting you in the zone (focus, creativity, compassion,…), connecting you to the heart of who you really are.

To conclude this newsletter, stop doing and start leading is about shifting deeply rooted identity and behavior patterns. Mostly, it is about freeing ourselves from the conditionings and fears that prevent us from living and leading from the best versions of ourselves. ??

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NOTE ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Hasnaa Akabli is a passionate and caring executive and leadership coach whose biggest strength is to see people’s potential before they even see it for themselves.

She works with ambitious and successful C-level executives who have a vision to achieve. She believes they are fully whole, capable and resourceful. She helps them make those small changes in perspective and mindset that change everything.

Are you that kind of executive and you’re curious about how executive coaching can serve you?

Ask Hasnaa for a deep and fun 90-minute executive coaching conversation to immerse yourself in that transformative experience. Free of charge. No strings attached. Just you being fully served by her and guided to confidently start walking towards fulfilling your purpose.