Stop Degrading Your Executive Presence, Self-confidence, and Well-being

So just clean out your ears and just check the word

From the Song ‘Check the Rhyme’

By A Tribe Called Quest

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A simple, single word just appeared on my radar as if it were a spy hiding its deceit in plain sight. I noticed others using it before realizing how much I uttered it. Its usage seemed automatic and addictive while simultaneously insidious, simplistic, and pervasive.

The word is ‘just.’? Yeah, go ahead, re-read that first sentence, and replace it with ‘recently.’? Doesn’t it sound better?? I think so, too!

Can a tiny term have such an overt, outsized impact?? I contend it can and does - relentless repetition makes it worse. See if you recognize yourself using it, too. Right – just so, I thought so. Welcome to the club. ‘Just’ sucks out the power from your words that follow it. However, it ‘just’ does not have to be this way.

I believe there are two significant problems with using this word:

1. ‘Just’ is a minimizer that devalues everything that comes after it.

1. Using it simultaneously lessens your executive presence, chips away at your self-confidence, and depresses your well-being.

Slipping in ‘just’ before you put forth your ‘brilliant ideas’ diminishes them and decreases their likelihood of being considered or adopted by others. It has become a ubiquitous filler, such an um.

Can you imagine an inspirational speaker, a high-performing salesperson, or a medical expert beginning their proclamations with ‘I just?’ As in, I ‘just’ want to motivate you, I ‘just’ want to solve your problem, or I ‘just’ want to give you my diagnosis.

Would the term ‘just’ make you more or less likely to follow them, buy from them, or trust them? Can you hear the absurdity of it?

You know the answer, so follow their lead.

The skill of activating others' confidence in us and our executive presence correlates closely with competence, courage, and the capacity to motivate others. It has become an essential leadership attribute. ‘Just’ does not cut it.

Fortunately for us, the opposite is also true. Removing the word ‘just’ instantly elevates our contributions and makes them more convincing, thus raising our executive presence.

We need to remember whatever meaning we convey to other people. We confer to ourselves. Adding the word ‘just’ sends the message to others that we and our messages lack worth without us even being aware of it.

Furthermore, our subconscious absorbs these suggestions as truth, sabotaging our self-confidence and well-being. Thus, we unknowingly wield ‘just’ as a weapon against ourselves, too.

Our propensity to diminish ourselves in these ways has become so ingrained in our conversation and self-talk that it has essentially become invisible to us, still no less destructive.

Vanquishing the habit of ‘just’ is simple, yet not easy. We must become hyper-aware of its use, stop, and restart without the word.

My use of the word is so pernicious and habitual that I notice I use it even as I? actively try not to. I need to be vigilant and keep at it to keep from using it. In the infamous declaration by Allen Iverson, “We’re talking about practice!”

We must rinse and repeat to embed a new habit.

We can better attune to how frequently we feel anxious and afraid. Consciously or not, we fear subjecting our ideas to negative judgment, dismissal, or ridicule. These are the same feelings that initiated our walk down this path in the first place.

When the stakes are higher, with specific people, groups, or situations, and the possible social or political costs are more severe, we become even more apt to slide in ‘just’ for added protection.

You can, Instead, choose courageous vulnerability and resist putting up the ‘just’ shield to hedge against the pain of rejection.

By ditching ‘just,’ you assert yourself more confidently while becoming more self-assured and self-respecting– a potent and welcome combination that will serve you, your team, and your company well.

Worthy Inquiries:

1. Do you recognize you automatically insert the word ‘just’ without realizing it? If so, how does it help you?
2. Does inserting the term ‘just’ before your ideas minimize them, decrease your executive presence, and diminish how others regard you and your contributions?
3. Do you recognize that whenever you confer meaning to others, you send the same messages to yourself and that your subconscious absorbs what you say as truth? If so, does that make you more willing to edit your words?
4. Do you think releasing your grip on the word ‘just’ is easy? What if you are wrong? Are you willing to ‘practice’ to improve?
5. If a simple word like ‘just’ can do so much damage, what other ways do you undermine your leadership and executive presence?

If you want to discuss ways to develop and grow your leadership to benefit yourself, your team, or your organization, please reach out to me. I welcome the connection.

Robert Hackman, Principal, 4C Consulting and Coaching. He provides executive coaching for leadership impact, growth, and development for individuals, teams, and organizations. Committed to Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion, he facilitates trusting environments that promote uncommonly candid conversations. Rob is also passionate about the power of developing Legacy Mindsets and has conducted over 50 Legacy interviews with people to date.

A serious man with a dry sense of humor who loves absurdity, he can often be found hiking rocky elevations or making music playlists. His mixes, including Pandemic Playlists and Music About Men, among others, can be found on Spotify.

Bravely bring your curiosity to a conversation with Rob, schedule via voice or text @ 484.800.2203 or [email protected].