Stop Deflecting and Start Connecting

I'm on holiday on the Sunshine Coast in Queensland. I always bring my bike up here each year and?ride each morning between 6am and 8.30am .

My New Years' resolution is to become a better conversationalist. I'm great at listening and good at questioning but bad … very bad at talking about myself. I'm a deflector. And then I complain about how disinterested people are in asking about "me". ?

"People have lost the art of being curious about others", I grizzle, "All they want to do is talk about themselves!!?

"Where's the reciprocity?", I ask. ?Well yes, that maybe a problem but I'm also the problem. I've lost the art of inserting myself into conversations. So I'm going to practice! The last couple of days on my bike ride, I've been stopping off in the small coastal haven of Mudjimba and grabbing a drink with the intention of inserting myself into conversations of the early morning coffee crowd.?

My technique is to sit in the midst of people waiting for their coffees in close enough proximity to overhear conversations … waiting for the opportunity to overhear something and engage with it in some way. It works well when two people, who don't know each other have begun a conversation … so it doesn't feel rude to join in and ask a question about what I've heard.?

A couple of days ago I met Rusty, a surfie looking, non-surfer living out of?his van. He shared his story. At work he fell off a ladder 15 years ago - he explained how his injury took him through depression and addiction and homelessness - while dealing with the ghosts of childhood traumas?… and how he's come out the other side, living simply and healthily … free-camping each night and loving life.?It's interesting how many people I've met who have lived through a hell, often of their own making, and survived to become incredibly self aware and well-adjusted.?

At one point , he asked me what I did. I said,?"I'm a writer…. a theatre-maker",?I added …. "I make theatre for early childhood audiences … " That response usually means you can hear the crickets chirping in the silence. I've got to find a better way! Rusty was aware enough to ask a few more questions, but the thread of conversation soon dribbled out. But hey it's a start. I've got to get my "what do you do?" story more inviting and inclusive.?

Then today, I managed to insert myself into a conversation that included a couple of retirees who had lived in Mudjimba for 34 years, two former South African's who had escaped big city life for the quality of life on the coast and two educators from Toowoomba - a primary school principal and a university lecturer. It was a great conversation and I got to learn a lot about their lives. At one point, I asked the South African couple if they intended to stay in this small coastal community or will the city life lure them back.?They have live in a number of cities around the world for periods of time. They were adamant. "No! This is the life for us."

I suggested that our live’s often cycle around 7 year phases.

"Yes!… Yes!!! That's true responded one them with enthusiasm."

"So you'll stay?" I reiterated.?

"7 year cycles mean more than just moving to different places physically," she explained.?

By that I figure she meant that there are many ways of making big shifts in your life.?

Those of you who know me will understand my interest in "7". It's been the lens through which I've focussed?all my creative work since 2019.

So, a little later when talking to the educator couple, I discovered that Universities across Australia use a 7 point system of grading in their assessments … with 7 being a high distinction and 1 being a dismal fail. 4 is a low pass.?

I explained my interest in "7's" to the couple and they asked where they could find out about more the work I do.?

I directed them to thepaperboats.org - my main website.

?"What has 7 got to do with making theatre for children?" the Primary School Principal asked. As an educator, he was interested. Also they were evolved conversationalists. Curious about things.?Nice :)?

"It's how we go about making theatre”, I responded,?“we are a bit like kids playing in a sandpit but we limit the toys we have to play with so we don't get overwhelmed", I explained. "So as part of our theatre-making process, we have what we call an ‘animating idea’…. currently it's ‘explore 7 in every which way’ and this has led us to making a whole host of things… one of which is a performance called Seven Little Wonders"?

I pointed to the image emblazoned across my T-Shirt, which was a piece of merchandise from our 7 Little Wonders 2024 Tour.??

I was on a roll!! “I’m making an audio-documentary podcast called 'In the Process of Making' …. that takes listeners into the messiness of creative processes … and guess what … our creative process is scaffolded by 7 creative principles!! Ha!! The sandpit of sevens!!!, I exclaimed.?

"Oh That's so fascinating!” I think she was genuinely interested!!”

"You can get a gist of it at sevenwell.org ", I offered.?"Seven what?", she asked jotting it into notes on her iPhone.

sevenwell.org I repeated. ?

"We don't launch until the 7th of July, 2025 " …. I added ?

"Ha!! The Seventh of the Seventh" she declared enthused by the connection she’d made.?

"Yes and two plus five is … so an important date in seventological circles!!!.

We all laughed, bid each other a "happy new year" and went our merry ways.??

And I, on the first day of the year, felt happy that I'd been a part of a conversation rather than a deflecting listener.

Happy New Year!!