Stop creating apostrophe catastrophes

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Possessives and apostrophes give new and experienced writers alike trouble. They are among the most common writing mistakes around. They're also sneaky, because you can't hear the errors in speech. They only rear their English-bludgeoning head in the written form.

For those that know the rules of apostrophes and possessives, seeing these errors every day can be a bit maddening. (Why do you think I'm so grumpy all the time?) But these mistakes are understandable, to a certain extent. The rules around when to use apostrophes and possessives are encyclopedic. It would be asking a lot for all but the most experienced writers to commit them all to memory.

So let's start small. Here are 6 of the most common mistakes involving apostrophes and possessives and how to correct them.

A familar affair

"Happy Holidays from The Moore's"

We've all seen that one screaming at us from a Christmas card at one time or another. I call it a phantom possessive. That's because it's not possessive at all. People are trying to turn their last name into a plural.

The correct way to do that is to just add an "s" to the end of your last name (unless it ends with "s" or "z").

• The Moores
• The Smiths
• The Butterworths

If your name ends with "s" or "z," add "es."

• The Joneses
• The Williamses
• The Hernandezes

Now, if you want to make those plurals possessive, just add an apostrophe at the end.

• The Butterworths' party
• The Williamses' car
• The Hernandezes' backyard

Joint possessives

Also called compound possessives, joint possessives can confuse even the most veteran of writers.

Joint possessives are used when one or more subjects of your sentence share ownership of something, literally or figuratively.

• "Jack and Jill's pail of water led directly to their debilitating injuries."

In the sentence above, Jack and Jill both own the pail.

This construction is complicated when using a possessive pronoun like my, mine, his, her, hers, their, theirs, our, ours, and its.

• "Jack's and her pail of water led directly to their debilitating injuries."

That sound atrocious, right? I'd rewrite that sentence to avoid the awkward construction.

You know that sentence is right, though, if you can remove one of the subjects and the it still sounds correct.

• "Her pail of water led directly to their debilitating injuries."

Poor Jill.

You coulda got this right ages ago

You shouldn't do that!

In speaking, "could have" or the contraction "could've" can sound like "could of" (same with "should have" or "would have" etc.).

That's fine. When we're speaking, that all works itself out. You can't "hear" apostrophes, after all.

But don't ever write "could of" when you mean "could have." Or "should of" for "should have" or "would of" for "would have." Same goes for "coulda," "woulda," "shoulda."

Got it?

Its vs. it's

This mistake is like nails-on-a-chalkboard for many people. The right way to write "its" and "it's" just seems crystal clear for some. But others have trouble with it, and sometimes our brains just steer us the wrong way even if we know the rule.

This is it:

"It's" is a contraction for "it is." The apostrophe indicates the omission of the "i" in "is."

?? "It's that time of year again."

"Its" is a possessive, like his or her or their.

?? "The pool was so cold, its occupants were varying shades of blue."

The craziness of quasi possessives

I have two decades' knowledge, yet this grammar rule still throws me.

In quasi possessives like "two decades' knowledge" above, where and when do you use an apostrophe?

Here's the AP explanation:

?? When the quantity or measurement (two decades) appears before a noun (knowledge), use the apostrophe where appropriate. Thus, "two decades' knowledge." Other similar constructions: "a week's worth" or "two years' pay" or "your money's worth."

?? When the quantity or measurement precedes an adjective, don't use an apostrophe—ever. "My AP stylebook I checked out 16 years ago is about 15.9 years overdue." No apostrophe with "years." Or, "She is seven months pregnant." In those examples, "overdue" and "pregnant" are adjectives describing a book and a woman.

If you're confused, I've got a hack for you.

Going back to the first bullet, think of the phrase "two decades' knowledge" as "two decades of knowledge."

In the second bullet above, you couldn't say "seven months of pregnant" or "15.9 years of overdue."

You're welcome.

You're vs. your

Like "its vs. it's" above, this one really irks people.

Your?is a possessive adjective used to show ownership.

?? "I know your position is these rules don't matter, but I'm here to tell you they do."

You're?is a contraction of "you are."

?? "You're going to ignore everything I just wrote here, aren't you?"

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