Stop Circumstantial Happiness, Now!

"When I land that promotion, I'll be happy." "When I fit into a size six, I'll be happy." "As soon as so and so is happy, I'll be happy too." When...when...when! Circumstantial happiness is when people associate outside influence to their own happiness. We've all been guilty of this at one time or another, but the problem that occurs is when you tie a circumstance to allowing you to feel happy, the happiness is very short lived! Think about a time when you held off your happiness until something else occurred, and how fast your happiness disappeared when the initial circumstance wore off. it was quick, right?

Living a happy life will only happen when you commit to actually living a happy life. Happiness is a choice you make, not something that happens to you. If you're happiness is depending on you being wealthy, you'll never be wealthy enough. If it is depending on you being successful, you'll never achieve enough success. When you tie your happiness to something else, it'll never be enough, you'll always need more to make you happy.

A common misunderstanding is that people that are truly happy are content with wherever they are in life. What a crock! The truth is that regardless of whats going on around them, they choose to be happy with themselves. They still have goals to achieve and feel the emotions of failure and roadblocks, but their happiness doesn't waiver. Their happiness is not up for sale or rent, it's there, regardless.

So what is this hippy dippy crap I'm speaking of? Funny you should ask! Fact: Life is not all rainbows and unicorns, and sometimes it down right sucks. There are heartbreaks, death, failures...there are plenty of reasons that could lead us all to a hand full of pills and a bottle of rum...but why live like that? You have the same option to choose happiness as you do to choose to wallow in your past or current circumstances. Of course, it's easier to throw a pity party for yourself and believe me, there'll be plenty of people that will come and pat your back and tell you it'll be okay once you pull yourself out of the shit storm you've been caught in. Many people love to console people when they are wallowing, guess it makes them feel not so alone in the wallowing world? The difference in people that choose happiness and those that wait for circumstantial happiness is that the ones that choose it, although they will feel the same emotions, they will not wallow in it. They will learn from their mistakes, find the solution, and quickly pick right back up...their feeling of happiness within themselves never left, just the circumstances change...but they never crumble!

Possibly you want to live a happy life but are unsure of how to begin? Here are five very doable steps you can begin right now that'll put you on the road to choosing to live a happy life!

1. Recognize your own tendencies to tie circumstance to your happiness. Paying attention to your thoughts can become highly annoying but once you catch yourself holding your happiness for ransom, you can begin to change the way you think, which changes the way you act, which of course changes the results.
2. Surround yourself with happy people. The same way misery loves company, happy people love company too! Would you rather surround yourself with people that think life sucks and just want to get through the day or people that love life and know that sometimes it sucks, but find solutions to rectify the issues? It's that simple, and it's totally your choice! The people you surround yourself with should boost you up and push you to be better and happier. You become what you surround yourself with. (Take a quick inventory of who you surround yourself with, and tell me if I'm on to something here).
3. Forgive yourself and others. This is a tough one, I know, but it opens up great space for happiness. Many people are comfortably miserable because they live in the past and feel that they don't deserve to be happy. Maybe they were told they are unworthy? Maybe they've messed up badly in the past? So many people hold on to something awful from their past because it's been their go to for so long. I mean, how can they ever be happy now when they had such a hard childhood, were violated, beaten...This is where forgiveness comes in. So there's no confusion here, when you forgive somebody that has violated you, it's not for them, it's for you. They can and hopefully will burn in hell, but when you hold the pain and vulnerability of keeping the hate for them alive, it only obstructs your happiness. Forgiveness allows you to find the strengths you gained and release the burden. It frees you up so that you may learn to live a happy life, filled with peace and love, both given and received. (Okay, maybe I'm a hippy dippy, just a little). Most important is to forgive yourself for the circumstances you've endured. FORGIVE YOURSELF AND MOVE FORWARD!
4. Be consistent. Choosing to live a happy life is easy when everything is groovy, but when the rubber meets the road, that's when it's most important to make that choice. Remember, it's healthy to feel the emotions of a circumstance, it's just knowing when to rub some dirt on it and move forward again. Remind yourself often that your happiness does not rely on other people's attitude, the amount of money in your bank, or the size of jeans you wear...it is solely reliant on you making the choice to be happy!
5. Control your reactions. If you choose to be happy, controlling your reactions is a must. How you react to others is you dictating their next move. People can't argue with you if you don't argue back. Gossip won't find you if your ears and mouth is shut. Negative people will vanish from your circle when you stop reacting to their nonsense. React according to how you want the outcome to result in. This is actually a very interesting and fun action. You'll get loads of laughs out of watching the reaction of others when your reactions are positive, non existent, and/or very controlled!

Just like everything great, this change doesn't happen over night, but it should begin right now! What's around you will never give you the lifelong happiness the way what's inside of you will. Remember, the choice is yours...make it a great day or not! #BestAdvice #Happiness #Inspiration #LifeCoaching

Thank you for reading. I look forward to your comments!

Debbie Dickerson - Life Coach

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