Stop chasing perfection. Strive for this instead. ??

Welcome to Quick Confidence! This weekly letter delivers a spritz of stories, tips and actions that will build your confidence and power. Each tip bolsters confidence in your body, mind, and relationships so you can lead yourself and others to greatness. Quick Confidence is also a book! Get your copy to carry confidence wherever you go.?

Perfectionism—a trait I'm all too familiar with—masquerades as a noble pursuit. The truth is, it's a massive confidence-drainer!

Case in point: after a keynote presentation I delivered for a large pharmaceutical company (that went especially well), I remember thanking my host. As he walked me to the door, he said, "Thanks for coming... that was good."

Wait, good?! Why didn't he say great, or excellent, or really strong... Was it worse than I thought? I proceeded to fixate on his choice of words—and my perceived disappointment—for the entire weekend that followed. Yep, that was perfectionism at play.

Chasing perfection is not only impractical but mostly unattainable. Instead of boosting our achievements, it shrinks them. Why? Because when we aim too high, “failure” becomes the norm, chipping away at our self-confidence bit by bit.

But breaking free from the clutches of perfectionism isn't easy, especially if your high standards tend to bring praise. That pat on the back for your top-notch work may feel affirming in the moment, but it doesn't lead to genuine self-confidence.?

So let's make a shift together: instead of striving for perfection, let's strive for excellence. Let's strive to stretch. Let's strive to learn!

Excellence, stretching, and learning are all about being adaptable and dynamic. It's a journey filled with "a-ha's", risk-taking, and growing. On the flip side, perfectionism is limiting. It kills our natural curiosity and brings frustration, pressure, and a whole lot of self-criticism. In fact, did you know that perfectionists are more likely to dodge challenges that stretch their abilities because they dread failure and looking bad?

As a recovering perfectionist, I've experienced firsthand how liberating it is to shift focus. So, if you’re ready to ditch perfectionism and start healthy striving, read on for actionable strategies.?

Quick Confidence Tips for Healthy Striving, Not Perfection

1. Embodied: Lower the stakes. One of the things I've noticed about perfectionists is they tend to make things harder on themselves and more complicated than they need to be, often without realizing it. So if a perfectionist is given the assignment to deliver ABC, they might think nothing of delivering ABC, plus D and E! To take some of the pressure off, build time buffers into your schedule and life. That can lessen the feeling of “time poverty”—where you chronically have too much to do and not enough time.
2. Interpersonal: Seek constructive feedback, not just approval. In your interactions, aim for growth through constructive feedback rather than seeking validation in the eyes of others. For example, after a presentation or a project, instead of worrying about whether it was flawless, ask colleagues for specific feedback on areas for improvement. This approach fosters a learning mindset, where excellence is a journey of continuous development, not a destination of perfection.
3. Mindset: Set goals that are realistic and flexible. Throw out those rigid, perfection-only goals and go for something more achievable and adaptable. After all, life changes, and so should our goals. If you're working on something complex like an in-depth presentation, try cutting some of your tasks in half. You might start with an initial to-do to complete the rough outline for the presentation. Later you can make the goal to complete draft 1 of the actual presentation. Set milestones that you can tweak based on feedback and learning. And if you can bring a mindset where you expect the unexpected—it'll boost your resilience and adaptability.

In moving our focus from perfection to excellence, stretching, and learning, we're opening up a whole world of achievable success and real confidence. It's all about realizing that chasing perfection is like chasing a mirage, and that our best efforts, complete with their imperfections, are *truly* enough.

How has embracing excellence, stretching, or learning over perfection changed your approach to personal and professional challenges? Share your experiences and insights below!

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