Stop With the Buts

??? HOT TOPICS??

You know communication is important - verbal, nonverbal, digital, tone, clarity, frequency, etc. etc.

It's a big topic, especially for teams, but it can be overwhelming to address due to the sheer breadth of it. And there is certainly no limit on the advice available to you.

This week, we want to give you one simple (note: not always easy) tool to help smooth communication and improve your team's receptivity.

Ready for it? Keep reading as we reiterate the importance of making communication a goal and how to do it.

?? Research agrees: According to a survey by the Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM), communication issues are the top reason for workplace conflicts, with 57% of employees citing miscommunication as a significant problem.

?? It's a lot: The average office worker receives about 121 emails per day and sends about 40 business emails daily. Despite the convenience of digital communication, it's important to consider its potential limitations, such as misinterpretation of tone and lack of nonverbal cues.

?? People typically remember only about 25-50% of what they hear. Effective listening skills like active listening and empathy are essential for improving comprehension. So is speaking in a way that helps engagement and limits defensiveness.

?? It's costly: A study by The Economist Intelligence Unit found that 44% of employees believe miscommunication has caused delays or failure in completing projects. Improving communication skills can help reduce these costs.

?? Research suggests that executives spend an average of 23 hours per week in meetings, with middle managers attending even more. How awesome would it be if this time was spent well with productive communication?!

We didn't need to make the case that HOT communication is key, but these numbers certainly drive the point home! So now that we're super clear, let's move on to the tool .

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?? KINDLE THE FLAME??And vs. But

Consider the following two statements:

"I hear what you are saying but I also think....."

"I hear what you are saying and I also think...." ?

Do you notice a subtle difference? Yes, it's the use of "and!" Such a small substitution can make a huge impact and here's why:

?? Positive Framing: "And" tends to connect ideas in a more positive and inclusive manner compared to "but," which can sometimes signal a contradiction or conflict.

?? Acknowledgment and Validation: "And" can acknowledge the validity of both sides of a statement or argument, whereas "but" can sometimes negate or dismiss the preceding statement. This acknowledgment can foster better understanding and empathy in conversations.

?? Promotes Collaboration: "And" encourages collaboration and brainstorming by allowing for the combination of ideas. It suggests that multiple perspectives or solutions can coexist, fostering a more creative and open-minded atmosphere.

?? Reducing Defensiveness: Using "but" can sometimes trigger defensiveness or resistance, as it can imply disagreement or criticism. "And" tends to be less confrontational, making it easier for others to remain open to new ideas or feedback.

?? Smooth Flow of Conversation: "And" often facilitates a smoother flow of conversation compared to "but," which can create abrupt shifts in tone or direction. This can help maintain engagement and coherence in communication.

For all of our physiology nerds out there, using "and" instead of "but" invites in the Safety Cop (serotonin) and provides many more opportunities for the Loving Grandmother (oxytocin) to visit. The Angry Coworker (cortisol) takes a break as Amy no longer perceives the interaction as threatening.?

Pretty impressive, right? We're here if you'd like to nerd out more about it!

?? Stoke the Fire???Try this Tool

As you know if you've been here before, we like to provide audio/visual resources for those who prefer it to written.

Below is a quick video on the practical application of saying "and" instead of "but," with a few great examples of how you might use this tip in your relationships. She also puts a fun twist on it by adding the word "yes."

Check it out and let us know what you think!

Have a positive resource you’d like to share? Hit reply and let us know - we love to learn from you!

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?? PANTS ON FIRE? Myth Busting

Myth: Using the word "but" is always contradictory

Reality: The impact of using "but" depends on the context, tone, and intent behind its usage.

Like most things in communication, there is no black and white here. Language is so incredibly nuanced and impacted by multiple factors. The myth that the word "but" always creates conflict is incorrect, as its usage doesn't necessarily make other statements negative or dismissive.

"But" can serve various functions in communication, including:

?? Highlighting Exceptions: "But" can signal exceptions or qualifications to a general statement, adding nuance and complexity to the discussion.

?? Expressing Concern or Caution: "But" can be used to express reservations or cautionary notes, indicating potential challenges or limitations.

While the overuse of "but" can create a sense of contradiction, the judicious use of this conjunction can be a perfectly neutral part of communication. As always, It's essential to consider the overall message being conveyed AND your audience.

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