Stop The Bullying : Why We’re So Hard on Ourselves

Let’s face it: nobody likes a bully. But what’s the deal with us turning into our own biggest bullies? We’re quick to judge ourselves, set crazy-high standards, and constantly tell ourselves we’re not good enough. It’s like we’ve got this nitpicky little voice in our heads that just won’t quit. So, why do we do this? Why are we so tough on ourselves?

The Inner Critic: The Voice That Won’t Shut Up

Let’s talk about that voice inside your head—the one that loves to point out every tiny flaw. You know, the voice that says you should’ve done better, worked harder, or been smarter. It’s like having a grumpy old boss who’s never satisfied. But here’s the thing: this inner critic isn’t always right. It’s just really loud.

We all want to improve, and that’s great! But when that inner critic stops helping and starts nagging, it’s time to tell it to take a hike. There’s a difference between wanting to get better and constantly beating yourself up for not being perfect.

The Comparison Game: No One Wins

Then there’s the comparison trap. We all do it—scrolling through social media, seeing everyone else’s shiny, happy lives, and thinking, “Why am I not doing that?” But here’s the truth: comparing yourself to others is like comparing apples to oranges. Your journey is your own, with all its unique twists and turns.

Instead of getting caught up in what everyone else is doing, focus on your own progress. Celebrate what makes you, you. After all, nobody else can do that quite like you can.

Perfectionism: The Never-Ending Chase

Perfectionism is another sneaky little habit that makes us our own worst enemies. We set impossible standards and then get frustrated when we can’t meet them. It’s like trying to catch a rainbow—beautiful, but you’re never going to get there.

Perfectionism can turn us into relentless self-critics. We rarely give ourselves credit for what we’ve accomplished because we’re too busy obsessing over the tiny details that didn’t go perfectly. Instead of enjoying the moment, we’re stuck in this loop of “not good enough.” And honestly, it’s exhausting.

The Fear of Failure: Avoiding Ourselves

One of the worst side effects of being so hard on ourselves is how it makes us afraid to fail. We’re not just scared of messing up; we’re terrified of what we’ll say to ourselves if we do. That inner critic can be so harsh that we start avoiding challenges altogether—not because we’re afraid of failure itself, but because we dread the self-bullying that comes with it.

But here’s the deal: failure is part of life. It’s how we learn, grow, and get better. If we can be a little kinder to ourselves when things don’t go as planned, we might just find that failure isn’t so scary after all. It’s just another step on the way to success.

Just Be Nicer to Yourself

So, how do we quiet that inner critic and start being a bit nicer to ourselves? Here are a few ideas:

1. Practice Self-Compassion: Imagine talking to a friend who’s had a rough day. You wouldn’t tear them down, right? So why do it to yourself? Next time you mess up, try cutting yourself some slack. Remember, everyone has off days, and that’s okay. You’re doing your best, and that’s worth recognising.
2. Challenge Negative Thoughts: When that inner critic starts getting loud, take a moment to ask yourself, “Is this really true?” Often, our inner critic is just being dramatic. By questioning these thoughts, you can see them for what they are—just thoughts, not the gospel truth.
3. Focus on Progress, Not Perfection: Instead of chasing perfection (spoiler: it doesn’t exist), celebrate the progress you’re making. Even small steps count. It’s easy to overlook how far you’ve come when you’re always focused on what’s next. So take a moment to appreciate your journey and give yourself a well-deserved pat on the back.
4. Learn from Failure: Failure isn’t the end of the world; it’s just a part of life. Instead of dreading it, try seeing it as a learning opportunity. When things go wrong, instead of beating yourself up, ask, “What can I learn from this?” Then, use that wisdom to do better next time. It’s all part of the process.

Finally!

Life’s tough enough without you being your own worst enemy. Instead of criticising yourself at every turn, try being your own cheerleader. Support yourself, celebrate your achievements, and learn from your stumbles. By being kinder to yourself.

After all, if you’re going to spend your life with you, you might as well be on good terms with yourself!