Stop the Bohemian Rhapsody! - and design your wellbeing by silence

"Please stop the Bohemian Rhapsody!" - This is how I was bagging my mind for 10 hours a day for 10 days on a Vipassana (silence and meditation retreat) in Hong Kong that finished 6 month ago, 10 March.

I tried to keep it short in this article. However, it was difficult. If you just need my 3 learnings in 10 seconds, please find them right here. Continue with the details only if you have more than 5 minutes or if you read very fast:)

1. Resilience / self-leadership can be improved by meditation.
2. Self-innovation through reflection as a daily routine can change conversations in life.
3. Keeping focus on activities and people that give energy will get you further.

Let′s get back to the beginning, how everything started. I will focus on my personal experience below as you can find many interesting and useful general infos anyway on the internet about Vipassana :)

WHY Vipassana?

By the end of February 2019 I decided to start something new (read more here). My plan was to close down a 10 year long period of my life, working for big/medium international management consultancies. Having too many ideas what to do next, e.g. opening a mindful co-working space, a world wide zen hotel chain or starting my corporate wellbeing consultancy, and many more ideas... before jumping into anything new, I came to the conclusion to identify only one idea to start with: STOPPING for a moment. Stop in order to listen to the silence inside. Disconnect in order to find the focus. This is how I ended up registering for a Vipassana: a 10 day long silence and meditation retreat. 

"The Buddha said that understanding the Dhamma (truth, law of nature) is understanding the law of cause and effect. You have to realize this truth within yourself. In a ten-day Vipassana course you have the opportunity to learn how to do this."

There are so many ways to search inside ourselves and to reflect. I am a regular practitioner of some methods, e.g. meditation, mindfulness, going for a silent hike to the mountains, doing yoga, cooking, etc... However, I knew that I needed something else, something different. I heard about Vipassana and I got hooked by the idea being silent, without mobile phone and internet for 10 days. What I did not know was the tough daily schedule and that we would sit crossed leg and (try to) meditate for 10 hours a day!!! Well, I like challenges so I would have gone anyway:) 

HOW I organised it?

I had to realise that Vipassana retreats all over Europe were very popular and booked out almost on the same day when they open up for registration. Dhamma.org is a worldwide organisation collecting Vipassana centres worldwide. I was open to travel further away, outside Europe just to be able to start it end of February for the reasons that I mentioned above.

This is how I ended up on a plane to Hong Kong (to the city that is never silent but rather really busy 24/7) with the goal to find my silence:)

Luckily the Vipassana Center was located on the beautiful island of Lantau where the Tian Tan Buddha statue is placed, surrounded by nature and sea, outside of Hong Kong city. The organisation was perfect. Three of us arriving at the same time at the airport were connected by the organising team. This is how I met a Russian woman and an American guy, and shared my taxi with them. I was really curious what brings others here, to the silence from the other part of the world. The woman came because her boyfriend, a Russian business man just came home from a Vipassana and he insisted that she participates immediately so they can improve their relationship and have less arguments. The American guy was doing business in Africa; and his business faced many challenges last year which draw his energies so he decided to come and try the Vipassana to reset. These are just a few stories. All of us had a very unique one.

WHAT happened at the Vipassana exactly?

Before the silence started

We all arrived on a Wednesday afternoon, checked in, gave our phone and valuables to the organiser so they put them in a safe. We were not even supposed to take notes or read books during the Vipassana.

Then we had an orientation meeting, light dinner and the first meditation session in the evening. By reading the schedule it became very clear that this is rather a bootcamp than a relaxation retreat: Starting every day 4 am and finishing 9 pm including a couple of breaks for the meals and some quiet time in between. All these require strong self discipline. 

In this Vipassana centre the accommodation was in dormitories, meaning that we shared a big room and had a shared bathroom. Some other centres offer private rooms as well. I liked the dorm for a very simple reason: when the gong woke us up 4 am and I saw the others jumping out of their beds, this really motivated me not to stay there for another snooze but crawl out and show up on the first meditation session of the day starting 4:30 am.

During the silence 

The very first day I was sitting there in the meditation hall, listening to the instructions how to meditate using the Vipassana technique. Already in advance everyone had to declare that we will put all other techniques on hold that we might use and we dedicate ourselves strictly to this one and only technique for 10 days. 

And this is when it started..., the Bohemian Rhapsody that just could not stop playing on my mind! I am now serious! I watched the movie about Freddy Mercury on the plane to Hong Kong and you all know how it is when something, a song just sticks to your mind, and if you try to stop it, actually it becomes stronger. As we were supposed to concentrate just on the breath and sensations in the body, leaving all other thoughts away, it was not the best state of mind.

However, the technique really worked. Apparently it is common that we average humans might need 3 days to calm the mind. I was just laughing out laud of myself as my first idea was to do a short 3 day silent retreat. Now I know what I would have missed out!

After 3 days the song finally disappeared, together with all the other thoughts about people, happy and stressful moments, difficult and pleasant conversations running through my mind. I could really feel the difference. And then the pain of non-moving started. I am physically quite active in everyday life. Now I was not allowed to do too much besides of some very light stretching in front of the mediation hall in the breaks. Otherwise sitting crossed leg net 10 hours for 10 days.

The Vipassana technique in a nutshell is a certain type of body scan. With some guidance but most of the time self-directed.

The rest what happened between day 4 and day 10 is history. I remember that I had the idea to tell everyone that they should try Vipassana because it is something extraordinary. I had especially some famous politicians in my mind (please write me in private if you are curious about names:) who are not famous about their peaceful approach and non-violent communication style and peaceful approach.

When the silence ended

On the last day we were finally allowed to talk to each other. It felt weird. Many people seemed to be relieved and others seemed to be confused. I was curious about the three girls who I shared the space in our big dorm with so we chatted a bit. One came here because she got the feedback that she communicated a bit aggressively with her family and co-workers. The other was simply curious about the experience as many of her friends did it and now first time in her life she got enough holidays to dedicate the time for it. They were both from Hong Kong. 

I climbed an inner mountain. I REALLY dedicated time to be only with myself for 10 days and observe what is going on there inside me. 

When I got back my valuables and my phone, the first thing what I did, after reading messages and texting the loved ones: I deleted some apps from my phone: chat and social media.

I stayed in Hong Kong for another week on my own. I tried to come back step by step. My explorer mind got awakened though, and some amazing people were organising cool programs for me so finally I just went with the flow. (I did a short post about it right back then.)

Learnings

1. Resilience / Self-leadership

My partner waited for me very curiously at home. He was joking about it that he expected me to come back enlightened:) Of course he was happy that I was apparently for the first sight the same Reka who left and who he loved.

What was this 10 day experience really about?

The realisation came just a few weeks later when I was back in my everyday life. I had many friends who wanted to meet me and hear more about my experience. Surprisingly I received messages from people who I would have not thought they are interested in these things. Apparently a lot of people are interested. They just sometimes feel that these things are done by weird people so it`s not really compatible with their Western lifestyle.

Vipassana definitely teaches a lesson how to get back on the uphill track not necessary faster but stronger than we were before.

As I told my story again and again to others, once it just clicked. I realised how much more determined I became to start my new challenge, the new chapter of my life. I felt strong from deep in my hearth. I will be honest. Now looking back after 6 months, I admit that this determination got weaker sometimes. First time after 3 months. It′s like a roller coaster. And it is okay. It is completely fine to have downhills. The question is how quick we get back on the uphill faster and stronger. This is what resilience is about.

2. Self-Innovation / Reflection

How I felt by the end of the 10 days? I felt extremely peaceful. It is difficult to describe this type of peacefulness. Everything in our environment was given to reach this state: we got accommodation, food (not too much though but no complaints…), no distraction in terms of digital tools, everyone else silent and respectful around us. I still felt that I accomplished one of the biggest challenges in my life.

Vipassana is like going to a bootcamp when you prepare for your triathlon. Everyone around you has the spirit. So you go home with a boost to continue your training. The Vipassana competition starts immediately though, as soon as you go home in real life.

They let us go with the message to meditate 1 hour in the morning and 1 hour in the evening every day to keep up our state. I knew this was not going to be sustainable. And this was fine. I also knew that this was an extreme experience and we need it sometimes in order to get a push. I knew that the extreme type of peacefulness will be gone. However, a very strong memory of it stayed with me. And the fact that I was there and I could be there again. It gives me a certain safety. How does this help me in everyday life?

I am not afraid any more having a difficult conversation. I consider it as a challenge, a way to use Vipassana in real life.

I am working on it in my way day by day. I admit I don`t meditate 2 times 1 hour every day. I do shorter daily meditations though and other activities that allow me this space, e.g. going for a mindful walk, doing my yoga practice, dedicating time to sit and reflect about my day, relationships and life. 

3. Focus

Another interesting effect was that I became much more mindful of my time: things and people that I spend my time on and with. Interestingly some other Vipassana practitioners told me about their similar experience so there must be something around the technique. Why is this? On one hand because now I need more time for myself to reflect, etc... On the other hand because I had time to investigate if I was stuck in old habits and relationships that don′t give me energy anymore. I also realised I need less digital noise in my life. It feels good. 

wellbeing.design

Vipassana is definitely a wellbeing technique, an extreme one though. My goal is to translate it to you, to the people who are curious but they would like to try it in a less extreme environment first. Outcomes of the technique are to start practicing self-leadership and reflection. Two of the many ingredients in the wellbeing toolkit supporting to unleash the creativity potential of organisations and their people.

About Reka: I have been a management consultant in the last 10 years supporting organisations through transformation journeys in different cultures. I have a background in corporate finance and teacher training. I am a certified yoga & meditation teacher and a brain-based coach. I deliver workshops and programs on Wellbeing for teams and organisations to become not more efficient, collaborative and resilient. Furthermore I work as a 1:1 coach supporting individuals how to get ready for change and take their next step in life. Working on the physical, emotional, mental and purpose dimensions of Wellbeing. More about me: www.rekadeak.com or visit Wellbeing.Design (coming soon) - We are in beta! Sign up to our mailing list or PM me if you would like to get in touch!