Stop Believing Others Before Believing in Yourself

For the last 20 years, one statement made about me has clung onto me, always making sure to show up at the worst times.

What was the statement?

First, let me take you back to when I was an administrative assistant at a hospital, I started there with no healthcare experience but quickly learned! I took on new projects, revamped the filing system in the office and truly LOVED my job and my boss! That boss left and I started reporting to another boss, also great, talk about striking gold! I worked my way up, getting more responsibilities and thought this hospital would be my forever home. Then one day my boss told me that one of the executive leaders told her that I wouldn't achieve much in my career because I was lazy.

When my boss told me this, I was shocked and embarrassed. This executive didn't work with me directly but I looked up to her and hearing that this was her perception of me was devasting and what made it worse is that I believed her! Of course I believed her, she was who I wanted to be one day and so it only made sense that her opinion of me was correct, right?!

So there I was year after year, working hard but always questioning my work ethic, drive, and never feeling like I gave enough, because, I was lazy. Every time I was faced with a new challenge, I worried that I would not be able to do it because, again, I was lazy.

Why did I give this person's words so much power over me? I mean her words have taken up space in my head for so long!! Why did I allow this? I sat yesterday and took some time to think about the reasons I let these words hold onto me so tightly for so many years and decided to look at the data.

The data told me that I revamped an entire filing system, cleaned up over 500 personnel files, reduced process turn-around times significantly, took on more responsibility, had great evaluations, never received negative feedback, and built great relationships with clinicians. In fact that role was really the jump start for my entire career!

So WHY did I give her so much power? Why did I believe her when she didn't have proof? Twenty years later, I think I can answer this question. I trusted this woman more than I trusted myself. I believed this woman more than I believed in myself.

That's it! That was it! Digging deeper, I realized that in fact this had nothing to do with this woman, she probably doesn't remember saying that, but it had everything to do with me and the baggage and insecurities I have been dragging along for so many years. Instead of looking for proof to believe in myself; I always find proof to validate the negative things I already think about myself! Mind blown!!

So what are the lessons I learned after looking at the data?

1. Be mindful of the words I use. I have no idea the impact my words may have on another; so choose them carefully and aim to be kind and positive, even when giving criticism.
2. Don't share unless it adds value. My boss at the time made a choice to share something with me that had no value. Or at least, she did not stop to consider a more effective way to give constructive feedback. This was a missed opportunity for her.
3. Be careful how much power I give other people's words. Again, it's been almost 20 years and I am sure the power I gave these words effected me in more ways than I know.
4. I still have work to do on myself. We all have work to do, some of us more than others. It is hard and important work but we will gain so much in the end.
5. Believe in myself before I believe others. Being courageous enough to believe in myself regardless of the noise around me.