Stop Being a Doormat: 3 Game-Changing Strategies for Women Who Always Say Yes

In the constantly changing worlds of healthcare, pharmaceuticals, and corporate life, many professional women find themselves caught in an exhausting cycle of perpetual accommodation. If you're constantly putting others' needs before your own, feeling overwhelmed by others' expectations, and silently carrying resentment about your inability to say "no", you're not alone.

Understanding the Deep Roots of People-Pleasing

The tendency to prioritise harmony over personal boundaries often stems from deeply ingrained patterns. Many of us learned early in life that being "good" meant being agreeable, helpful, and invariably available. Cultural messages, particularly those directed at women, have reinforced these patterns, suggesting that assertiveness might make us appear difficult or unlikeable.

In the healthcare and pharmaceutical sectors, where caring for others is literally part of the job description, this pattern becomes even more pronounced. The very qualities that make you excellent at patient care or team collaboration—empathy, responsiveness, and dedication—can sometimes work against your personal wellbeing.

The Emotional Drive Behind Our Actions

Our behaviour is often driven more by emotion than logic, even when we believe we're making rational decisions. The fear of conflict or disapproval can trigger our primitive brain's threat response, making it feel safer to acquiesce than to assert boundaries. This "emotional hijacking" occurs when:

• You feel your heart race at the mere thought of declining a request
• You imagine worst-case scenarios about potential negative reactions
• You experience anxiety about being perceived as "not a team player"

The Long-Term Impact of Weak Boundaries

While saying "yes" might provide temporary relief from discomfort, the long-term consequences can be severe:

• Physical and emotional exhaustion from constantly operating beyond capacity
• Reduced effectiveness in your actual priorities
• Diminished self-respect and professional confidence
• Increased risk of burnout and compassion fatigue
• Resentment towards colleagues and the organisation
• Missed opportunities for leadership roles due to being overwhelmed with auxiliary tasks

Understanding Psychological Safety

Psychological safety includes the belief that you won't be punished or humiliated for speaking up. It is crucial for workplace wellbeing. However, many women unknowingly contribute to their own lack of psychological safety through negative self-talk and second guessing and worrying about the reactions of other people. The reality is that most reasonable colleagues respect clear, professional boundaries when they're consistently maintained.

The Martyr Mindset: An Unconscious Trap

If you frequently find yourself thinking:

• "No one else will do it properly"
• "I'll just do it myself, it's easier that way"
• "They clearly need my help, I can't let them down"

You might be caught in a martyr mindset. This pattern can feel noble but ultimately undermines both your wellbeing and your professional growth.

Three Practical Steps to Reclaim Your Power

1. Implement the Pause Practice

When receiving a request, make it a rule to say, "Let me check my schedule and get back to you"

Use this pause to evaluate the request against your priorities and capacity

Practice this even with small requests to build the habit

2. Develop Your "No" Vocabulary

Create and rehearse professional phrases for declining requests:

"I'm at capacity with my current projects, but I can recommend someone who might help"

"That's not something I can commit to right now, but I appreciate you thinking of me"

"I need to focus on [specific priority] at the moment"

3. Start a 'Proof of Success' Journal

Document instances where setting boundaries led to positive outcomes

Record compliments and achievements that contradict your people-pleasing fears

Note how maintaining boundaries actually improves your professional relationships

Moving Forward

Remember that changing deeply ingrained patterns takes time and practice. Each small step towards stronger boundaries is progress, even if it feels uncomfortable initially. Your expertise and time are valuable resources that deserve to be protected and allocated thoughtfully.

By gradually strengthening your boundaries, you're not just improving your own professional life—you're modelling healthy workplace behaviour for colleagues and contributing to a more sustainable healthcare culture.

Start small, be patient with yourself, and remember: saying "no" to what's not aligned with your priorities is saying "yes" to your wellbeing and professional growth.