Stop Beating Up On Yourself: Negative Self Talk

Introduction

I want to talk about one of the biggest challenges we face in life - negative self-talk. As we work in this rapidly changing and often unpredictable job market, it's easy to let our inner critic take over and tell us that we're not good enough.

I'm grateful for the relationships I have because I recently had a friend open up to me and say that she was struggling with negative self talk. I was reminded of a podcast I'd heard recently where a listener called in and said, "If someone else spoke to me the way that I speak to myself, you know... I'd have to kill that son of a [?__?], because you know... I couldn't tolerate that". How many of you can relate to his sentiment? I know I can...

In fact, I've let a lot of negative self-talk keep me from releasing this newsletter altogether. It's taken me months to get my confidence to a level where I feel I can even post another article in this newsletter. I'm overwhelmed by how many people followed this "Paid in Positivity" newsletter, and I've worried I'm not the "right guy" to be speaking on this topic.

But it's time to bite back against those negative voices. I'm personally working to embrace the power of positive self-talk. Here are seven strategies that I'm working on adopting so I can stay focused on my goals and overcome this neverending negative self-talk that many of us deal with every day:

Mindfulness.

By taking a few moments each day to focus on the present moment, I'm trying to calm my mind and reduce stress. This can help silence your inner critic and focus on the things that really matter.

Mindfulness is a concept rooted in Buddhist meditation but has gained popularity in Western psychology for its numerous benefits, including reducing stress and anxiety.

When I'm feeling overwhelmed, taking a few deep breaths and bringing my attention to the present moment actually really helps calm my mind.

Reframe negative thoughts.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), is a form of psychotherapy that focuses on changing negative thought patterns and behaviours. CBT teaches individuals to recognize and challenge negative self-talk, and replace it with more positive and realistic thoughts.

The real challenge with CBT is to identify an incongruence between our thoughts and reality:

Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs) are involuntary negative perceptions of reality that occur habitually

When you catch yourself thinking negatively, try to reframe those thoughts in a positive light. For example, instead of thinking "I'm not making enough progress", try thinking "I'm learning so much and making great strides in my career".

This is something I've had to practice a lot lately while launching my new digital marketing agency. I don't want to pretend to be presenting these concepts from a place of authority. I'm really just sharing concepts that are resonating with me. My ultimate hope is that you share a bit of what's working for you, and we can figure this whole "mental health" thing out together.

Surround yourself with positive people.

Seek out supportive friends, colleagues, and mentors who uplift you and encourage you to be your best self. There's nothing worse than a robotic boss or coworker. You all know what I mean, these kinds of people who wear steel armour around all their feelings at all times. A part of me is jealous of the "cold-hearted", but I can't help but wonder what a lonely existence that must be for them.

Social support is a key factor in maintaining good mental health. Even as an introvert, this has been my #1 strategy for battling myself. Sometimes being around people who encourage and support you can be the only way to mute your negative self-talk and make you recognize your true resilience.

Write down your accomplishments.

This has been one of the things I KNOW helps me, but also one of the easiest things to forget.

Do you keep a journal or a list of all the things you've achieved?

We all have achievements worth recognizing, no matter how small they may seem. I'm not talking about promotions, awards, or big sales. We all have little things we want to change. Any effort towards those changes is an achievement in my books. My progress toward my goals is worth acknowledgment, there's no reason to compare my progress to anyone else's.

When you're feeling down, refer back to your list and remind yourself of all the amazing things you've done. In a similar vein, goal setting is a fundamental aspect of positive psychology, as it gives individuals a sense of purpose and direction. By setting realistic goals and working towards them, you can help build a positive sense of self-worth.

Last week I put a big whiteboard on the wall beside my bed. It's not always easy to think of pulling out my journal when I'm not treating myself nicely. I'm hoping to add my achievements to this board so that my success doesn't ever become "out of sight. out of mind".

Can you think of a place where you can write down your achievements? Try to build a small space in your life to treat it like your personal "trophy case" of sorts. It will help.

Struggling to think of achievements to write down? Refer back to the points above. Centring yourself, recognizing your thoughts, and getting a secondhand perspective always helps.

Conclusion

I hope incorporating some of these strategies into your daily routine, can help you develop a more positive outlook on life. Life is hard on everyone, especially over the past couple of years. Using the methods above can help you increase your resilience to negative self-talk and stress.

What do you think? Have you tried any of these strategies before? What's worked for you? I'd love to hear your thoughts and strategies for overcoming negative self-talk in the workplace and life in general. Let's take a break from business for a second and start a conversation in the comments.