??Stop Basing Your Self-Worth on Other People’s Opinions

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By Michael Gervais | February 16, 2024

Self-worth is our set of core beliefs about our value as a human being. It’s how we see ourselves and who we perceive ourselves to be. People differ in what they believe they must be or do to have worth or value. When we externalize our self-worth, we get emotionally and chemically rewarded when we succeed. This inevitably turns into a never-ending loop in pursuit of instant gratification. To undo this, we need to develop an awareness of where our self-worth is internally anchored.

To further unpack and undo a misplaced concept of self-worth, develop an awareness of where your self-worth is externally anchored. Where are you externalizing your sense of value? What are the domains in which you need to meet standards in order to feel worthy? There does not have to be one single domain where your self-worth is staked; it could be scattered across a few. Some of the most common anchors of self-worth are:

• Social approval: My self-worth is contingent upon being accepted, appreciated, and validated.
• Workplace: My self-worth is contingent upon a standard of performance at work.
• Money: My self-worth is contingent upon the perception of financial wealth.
• Academics: My self-worth is contingent upon scholastic achievement.
• Appearance: My self-worth is contingent upon meeting cultural standards for attractiveness.
• Social comparison: My self-worth is contingent upon being “better” than others in a given area.
• Virtue: My self-worth is contingent upon being a virtuous person.
• Parenting: My self-worth is derived from my child’s accomplishments and well-being.
• Power: My self-worth is contingent upon my sense of power.
• God’s love: My self-worth is contingent upon God’s love.
• Family approval: My self-worth is contingent upon compliance with my family’s desire.

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