Stop Avoiding and Start Growing: The Truth About Uncomfortable Conversations

Why do you need to get used to and even love the uncomfortable conversations?

If you tend to avoid having difficult conversations, this probably is also you:?

• A significant amount of time is spent complaining with others about the situation, but never facing it with the one person you should.?
• A part of you secretly loves the drama and the guilty pleasure of gossiping.?
• You have a hard time saying no.
• You get along very well with like minded people but struggle to grow relationships and widen your network with people who hold vastly different views – the very people who could broaden your perspective.
• You're a people pleaser, and you believe in holding no resentment and gently letting go. While this is a healthy mindset in many situations, it can lead you to avoid setting boundaries, which are crucial for personal growth.
• Since you avoid these conversations, when forced to confront them, you may react with anger or cruelty, or hold back what you really want to say.?
• You find it hard to express your needs if you think it might upset someone or lead to a difficult conversation.?

You don’t need to have an uncomfortable conversation a day, but you owe it to yourself to be brave enough to show up and acknowledge your worth.?

You can say no.

You can remind someone of how you expect to be treated.

You can hold the space for an honest talk.?

And every time you do, you’ll feel blessed.+

Every time you try, people will appreciate it and thank you for it.

Transparency is such a forgotten gift.?

No games, just your vulnerable interpretation of reality and your desires of getting to an understanding with someone, because you care.

Being clear will set you free.

You’ll spot the ones who will always mistreat you, disrespect you and cross your boundaries right away. You’ll know who you really need to let go of.?

Being honest is a fiercely act of unconditional love, to you and others.?

How do you feel when you face and learn to love uncomfortable conversations?

You feel empowered.?

You know you can look someone in the eye and say exactly what you mean.

People treat you with respect without assuming you’ll always be available to help.

Your perspective is considered.

You don’t have to put up a fight to be respected.?

You can have pleasant moments while staying true to yourself.?

You can evolve situations faster and get to where you want in life smoothly.?

You become a leader who address concerns, provide constructive feedback, and inspires.

Your ability to communicate drives substantial positive results in your personal and professional life.?

You live a happy, fulfilled life.???

The uncomfortable conversations.

You need to articulate what’s happening.?

It’s a marriage between your blind spots and somebody else’s toxic trait.?

An uncomfortable conversation is like filing for divorce. You’ll hate it just as much as you need it. And life is full of them.?

You’ll be navigating someone’s fragile spots, and the chances you can do that without hurting them are slim.?

So, pack as much kindness as you have.?

Let them know you see them, you get them.

Because you have to! and if you don’t - you’re on step #2 but you didn’t successfully finished up with step #1.?

You need to articulate what’s happening.?

It’s a marriage between your blind spots and somebody else’s toxic trait.?

What is your blind spot? and their toxic trait, where does it come from?

You need to be able to navigate your Achilles’ heel before you address somebody else’s. Because if you’re not willing to do that then you’re just being a hypocrite. You want someone to flex, grow and evolve - but you’re not willing to do the same.?

Be honest with yourself, see things for what they are.?

Play the empath role, put yourself in someone else’s shoes.?

What have they not learnt this far yet that you have and can see things differently because of it?

I think life’s nothing but a classroom.?

You don’t always need to be the teacher, you can log off when it’s too much.?

Just know that if you’re talking about real change you need to teach and you need to learn.?

Approach the conversation with humility, but have confidence in your instincts.

Sure, it 's hard. You’ll get better over time. Try.

The more clear, concrete, vulnerable, loving and easy-to-get your arguments are the better.?

Give people’s ego a quick way out.?

That’s your real game changer.

That’s how you win at uncomfortable conversations.

People need to feel seen and validated, so acknowledge that first.?

Don't just throw a grenade into the conversation. Make sure they're in a place to receive it.

And to the best of your ability let them know how you feel.?

Expressing vulnerability, like admitting to feeling unworthy, can often disarm even the most resistant individuals.

Yes, you have a powerful mind.

Yes, you can make sense out of it all.

But why are you sitting to have this conversation? What is your drive?

Been up and down all kinds of narratives, and guess what?

It’s always an emotion that causes it all.?

Whether you're a boss dealing with an underperforming team, a daughter struggling with parental boundaries, or someone navigating a toxic friendship, the underlying emotion might be the same: disappointment.?

Recognizing this shared emotion can be a powerful tool in navigating these different situations.

I’m overly simplifying here, but bear with me.??

The point is to understand the driving force behind the conflict.?

By focusing on the core emotion, you can frame the conversation in a way that resonates with the other person and leads to connecting on a deeper level.??

It allows you to address the underlying issue rather than getting caught up in surface-level disagreements.

And in my experience, this approach really does work.

Let them know how you feel, and try this:

“I’m not saying you are to blame for how I feel. I’m the one causing the insert emotion here, so I wanted to let you know how I feel in hopes you can understand what triggers the insert emotion here again in me and help me prevent this from happening again”

This is how you politely tell someone they've crossed a line.

Adapt it to your context accordingly, I hope it helps.?

I want to remind you that how you feel is never about someone else, and it is always about you.?

You create and sense your emotions, what you need from others are boundaries, respect and love (might not be an exhaustive list - but point at case is others are not responsible for how you feel)

You teach people how to treat you.?

Sometimes the lesson is extremely difficult and painful for everyone involved. That's just part of life.

1. Acknowledge and validate their point of view. Get their ego out of the way.
2. Address your emotions without finger pointing.?
3. This is your sweet spot. Here’s when you can drop the bomb. Whatever you need to say, spit it out now (did you pack enough kindness? might be needed for step #3)

For real change to happen, the other person needs to be open to what you're saying.

For someone to actively listen while highly engaging and really making an effort to understand your point of view, all while saying something harsh - you need to prepare the room for that.?

Are you in charge of your life or is it driving you crazy?

This is why you don’t have uncomfortable conversations while you’re pissed off.?

If you do, you might as well rebrand it and call it an argument.?

In an argument you don’t acknowledge their point of view, you finger point at them because of how you feel, and by the moment you’re saying the real meat of the conversation the other person’s defense is totally up and they have one, and only one objective at that moment which is to prove you wrong.?

You’ll get hurt and you’ll be exhausted, and you’re going nowhere with that conversation.?

In fact, you’re creating material for the next uncomfortable conversation.?

And even if you are right about the topic of this conversation, if you said something mean while trying to ruthlessly explain your point of view - then you’ll need to take responsibility for that as well.?

If you’re overwhelmed by negative emotions, you need to deal with that before facing someone else.?

Try these techniques: Record yourself expressing your frustrations, but keep the recording private. Or write a letter and then destroy it. Engage in physical activity to burn off excess energy.

Find a healthy way to vent your anger and move forward.

You need to be calm and collected when you’re face to face with someone you need to have an uncomfortable conversation with.?

1. Acknowledge and validate their point of view. Get their ego out of the way.
2. Address your emotions without finger pointing.?
3. This is your sweet spot. Here’s when you can drop the bomb. Whatever you need to say, spit it out now (did you pack enough kindness? might be needed for step #3)
4. What do you want to happen next as a consequence of this conversation?

Step #4 is key. At the end of the day, you are supposed to be having this conversation to either prevent something from happening again or for something to start happening.

You want change, and here’s how step #4 helps you get there.?

Because if you’ve been doing everything well up to this point you have something very valuable. You have convinced someone that a change is needed.?

You are good to go and present your plan, your strategy.

Pain the picture of how tomorrow looks like now that you’ve come to an agreement.?

Take the abstract words and turn them into an actionable step by step plan.

Land your vision.?

Invite the other part of the conversation to collaborate with the vision.

Do they agree with you? What would they do differently??

Focus on opportunity, and let the uncomfortableness slowly fade away.

Because you win at uncomfortable conversations when you are able to navigate them in such a way that by the time the conversation is converging to an end it is no longer uncomfortable, and the overall emotion is “let’s go for it!”

This is how a good leader would approach it.?

Are you in charge of your life or is it driving you crazy?