Stop Asking
Jared Yellin
Visionary Dadpreneur Catalyzing the Next ERA of Venture Capital + Sustainable Philanthropy | Driving Tech Innovation ????
“If you ask for PERMISSION, the answer is ALWAYS no.” - Jared Yellin
Whenever someone asks me permission to do something, my default response is that they are covering up their insecurity, lack of results, wrongdoings, etc., by being “polite.”
I know this might sound harsh, but I almost always ask them, " Why did you just ask me permission to do _______________?”?
Which becomes their deer in the headlights moment.
Listen, I get that some parents, teachers, preachers, etc., have conditioned their children to ask for permission for everything in life. Now that their child is an adult, they do not have what they desire in life because of this deeply ingrained fallacy, which is…
ASKING FOR PERMISSION = BEING POLITE
This just could not be further from the truth because I have NEVER asked anyone for permission to do anything and EVERYONE would say that I am one of the more polite people they have ever encountered.?
And the reason for this is my only ulterior motive EVER is to ensure everyone WINS, and I know with certainty that if I ask for permission to do anything it increases the likelihood of falling short.?
But this article has nothing to do with me, and instead, I believe it has everything to do with you.
STOP using your culture as an excuse…
STOP using the lessons you learned as a child as your cop-out…
STOP using your desire to be perceived as polite as your rationale…
STOP ASKING FOR PERMISSION!
I want to make sure you realize a very critical lesson because NO ONE on planet Earth has what they desire and asked for permission in order to get it.
I am very hardcore with this principle, and I hold everyone in my personal and professional life to this standard. STOP asking for permission and instead SHOW the results you delivered so that not asking became the greatest gift you gave this person.?
5 Steps To Never Ask For Permission EVER Again
Step 1: Make statements based on the data you collect, and don’t ask questions to sound polite.
When you ask for permission, you exponentially increase the likelihood of a premature NO.?
And a premature NO is not in the best interest of the other party…
It’s actually the exact opposite because people are programmed to say NO if/when they feel…
So the key is to collect data from someone and then to make statements based on the data you collect…
Here are some data collection inquiries:
Once you have the data, USE IT. Don’t ask filler questions just to sound polite. Instead, drive the dialogue by NOT asking for permission and instead creating progress based on the insights you gained, which will lead to you speaking into the listening of the other party.
Step 2: Never waver on what’s right for the other party.
When you collect data through the right inquiries in any human dynamic, you will become acutely aware of what’s RIGHT for the other party.
And if what’s RIGHT is your offer, then you must never waver on your quest to create progress towards a YES.
Think of it like this…
If your child were in a burning building on the 10th floor and in danger, you would not ask the Chief of the Fire Department for permission to break down the front door and run up the stairs in order to save your child’s life.
You know what’s RIGHT = SAVE YOUR CHILD
AND
You would never WAVER – you would just do it.
Well, the same holds true in any human dynamic. When you know that someone is better off with you than without you, then it’s your absolute moral responsibility to ensure that they see this too and say YES to whatever it is that you are offering.
ZERO room to waver.
ZERO space to ask for permission.?
ZERO leeway to “be polite.”
JUST make what’s “RIGHT” a REALITY!?
Step 3: Assume the interest, outcome, next step, etc.
Some could read this article and think the only use case is within any selling dynamic—which it clearly serves to no end—but it's equally relevant to every personal life event, from dating to falling in love to marriage to kids and beyond.?
When I met Lindsay, my wife, I knew with the deepest level of certainty that we were a forever.?
Whether she realized this or not was a moot point. I did, and it was now my responsibility to assume she was equally interested, clearly aware of what was right for her, and as motivated to create progress as I was.
BUT regardless – I never asked for any permission.
At the conclusion of Date #1, I said, “Let’s schedule another time to meet this Friday at 7 p.m. I will make the reservation.”
There was no dancing around “WHAT’S RIGHT” with the fallacy of polite questions (e.g., permission); instead, I assumed the next step.
The same holds true for you in whatever it is that you are striving to achieve.
You must—absolutely must—commit to the outcome and drive towards it by assuming energy regardless of what the other party thinks, feels, or wants to do.
BECAUSE…
The person with the most certainty will ALWAYS win!
Step 4: Control the energy in every dynamic, but never abuse this power.
Whenever I am told that I am a “control freak,” I say “THANK YOU!”
The reality is this…
I believe in autonomy in the business world, where GREAT people are hired to do GREAT things and will just do them. This level of freedom is established from Day 0 and can only be lost if someone abuses power.
And as much as I believe autonomy is critical to attracting a world-class team, I am the complete opposite in every human dynamic on an individual level.?
I own 110% of the human dynamics I am in, micro-managed and absolutely controlled, but I would NEVER abuse this power. Instead, I use it for good.
Here’s how…
Step 1 from above: I collect really valuable data.
Step 2 from above: Once I know what’s RIGHT, I am unwavering in my ability to create progress.
Step 3 from above: Once I have the data and know what’s right, I have the deepest level of conviction you can imagine when it comes to assuming the outcome.
Step 4: Once I have the data, I know what’s right, and I have assumed the outcome, I then focus on controlling every dynamic to increase the likelihood of the outcome.?
Step 5 from below: Once I have the data, I know what’s right, I have assumed the outcome, and I am in complete control, I make sure to DELIVER in such a meaningful way that the other party is flabbergasted by how much their world has transformed. They will forever be grateful that I did not give them an out for a premature NO by asking for permission.
And I just want to reiterate something…
NEVER abuse your power – because it’s truly a power when you operate based on what you learn in this article.??
Step 5: Deliver the goods.
The final step is to DELIVER.
NOT asking for PERMISSION – KEY to your success!
DELIVERING on what you did NOT ASK PERMISSION FOR – ESSENTIAL to your success!?
Please realize…
No one will ever care that you did not ask for permission as long as you deliver, so just make sure to DELIVER!
Now What?
Either ask for permission, which could lead to a NO, or don’t, which will always - and I repeat always - lead to progress.
NOT asking for permission does not mean you are taking advantage of someone, nor does it mean you are guaranteed the outcome, but what it does represent is PROGRESS.
PROGRESS to a NO
OR
PROGRESS to a YES
You just need to assume that people never have enough information to make a decision. If you ask for permission without already guiding them to a place where they have enough data to say “yes or no,” then it's guaranteed they will just say NO because they lack the information to say yes—AND—they don’t want to appear foolish, confused, lost, etc.
I always take responsibility in any human dynamic to move people in the direction of a decision and I am perfectly fine with that decision being NO as long as they were able to collect enough information to make an educated decision.?
For example…
NO: Can I call you tomorrow?
PROGRESS: I will call you tomorrow.
NO: Are you ready to join us?
PROGRESS: Let’s get you started right now.
NO: Is it alright if I show you?
PROGRESS: I am going to show you right now.
Please don’t think that by NOT ASKING FOR PERMISSION, you will automatically get a “YES” – this could not be further from the truth. You can’t FORCE someone into a YES but what you WILL be able to do by NOT asking for permission is create progress towards a decision.
I know I am being repetitive, but it’s for good reason, and here’s why…
What this actually means is that nearly 100% of people are either increasing their chance for a premature NO or trying to force a YES, which means almost 100% of people will not get what they want.
So the choice is yours to be part of the nearly 100% who will never get what they optimally desire or the fraction of people who recognize that asking for permission is only going to slow down or derail the outcome and that not asking for permission will create progress towards a decision.?
Remember, you can’t force a yes, but you MUST lead people to a place where they can say “YES or NO,” and the goal is to lead them there with as little friction as possible.
Therefore, STOP asking for PERMISSION and START making PROGRESS!!?
Live with Intention,
JY