Stop Asking For Advice… Do This Instead.
Doug Stewart
VP @ Dale Carnegie Training | TEDx Speaker | Executive Coach | Author, 5 1/2 MENTORS | Board Member @ Athena Of The Triangle
It's natural to ask for advice when we're unsure what to do next. The challenge is that over-reliance on advice can create the opposite of our intended outcomes. As it turns out, asking for advice is significantly less effective than seeking evidence.?
100% Of Advice Is Wrong In Some Way?
Advice is subjective for the Mentor and disembodied for the Mentee. What worked for your Mentor may not work for you. Mentors' achievements are not simply a result of their decisions. Other variables include who they are, how they are, and the environment they find themselves in. And the trouble is, we never know how much of their success is based on a variable that gave them an advantage.?
As the saying goes,
"You shouldn't brag about hitting a triple if you were born on third base."?
Advice reflects the Mentor's experiences and biases. Evidence, on the other hand, is objective and data-driven. When we seek evidence, we learn from our mentors' successes and failures. The goal is to gain insights backed by real-world outcomes.
As my grandpa would say,
"Everything works, just not all the time."?
Frame Questions for Evidence
Start by reformulating how you ask questions. Instead of "What should I do?" ask, "What has worked for you in similar situations?" This encourages your Mentor to share experiences rather than opinions, providing a more dynamic learning opportunity.
Dive into the Why
Understanding the rationale behind actions is crucial.
When your Mentor shares her experience, follow up with, "Why do you think that approach worked for you?" or "If you could do it over, what would you do differently?" This delves into their underlying principles and offers more than surface-level information.
Seek Diverse Perspectives
If it works once, it's a fluke. If it works twice, it's a trend. If it works three times, it's evidence.?
A single piece of evidence can be misleading. Encourage your Mentor to share different scenarios where a strategy was employed. This will broaden our understanding and help us distinguish universal principles from situational tactics.?
To get the best insights, seek evidence from a diverse group of Mentors.
CLICK HERE to read my last article about bringing diversity to your mentor relationships.??
Analyze Failures and Successes Equally
More can be learned from failures than successes. Ask your Mentor about times when things didn't go as planned and what was learned from those experiences. This approach helps us to develop a well-rounded strategy.?
Request Resources for Further Learning
Mentors are gateways to a wealth of knowledge. Ask for book recommendations, case studies, or articles that provide deeper insights into the topics you're discussing.?
A powerful question is,
领英推荐
"Where did you learn that?"
This allows you to extend your learning beyond your mentoring sessions. It's valuable to know what they know. It's invaluable to understand how they learn.?
Reflect and Apply
After each conversation, take time to reflect on the evidence you uncovered. How does it apply in your context??
A question for personal reflection: "What action can I take on this insight, and if I take this action, what result do I expect?"
Action Reveals Answers
Insight without action is worthless. We can only verify the quality of our Mentor's evidence if we have the courage to apply it in the real world.?
As my college basketball coach would say, "To know and not to do is not to know."?
If you desire positive outcomes, take action, evaluate, and edit. Rinse & repeat.?
Share Your Findings
In your next conversation, share how you applied their evidence. This shows your Mentor that you value their guidance and opens avenues for further discussion and learning.
The currency for Mentors is positive feedback. When we have a win, let's communicate our gratitude. When we don't, let's communicate what we learned.??
Conclusion
Transforming your approach from seeking advice to seeking evidence will revolutionize your mentorship experiences.?
Asking for evidence and taking action will encourage a deeper engagement with your Mentor's wisdom, leading to exceptional outcomes and lifelong successes.
?? RESOURCES ??
My Book: 5 1/2 Mentors
My TEDx Talk: 5 1/2 MENTORS that will change your life
Become a More Impactful Leader: The Dale Carnegie Leadership Training For Managers
Become a better presenter: The Dale Carnegie High Impact Presentation.
Absolutely agree! Understanding the thought process behind decision-making is key. Using kwrds.ai has really helped me dive deep into analyzing user intent and refining content strategies. It's all about meaningful insights for better outcomes.
Interior Design/Sales/Project Manager @ Furnitureland South, Inc
1 年I love this.
AVP, Global Technology Program Delivery at MetLife
1 年Thanks Doug, I love this topic and agree with the sentiment about getting behind the thought process as opposed to surface review of the situation and the actions and outcomes. It’s far more important to dig into what was going on in your brain to sense, define, scope and respond to challenges. Understanding the process helps with building problem solving skills rather than filling a toolbox with gadgets we often don’t know how or when to bring to the table. The obvious challenge question for the mentor is “do I understand my own thought processes well enough to describe them when asked?” The ability to map out your decision pathways is a crucial skill to bring to mentoring relationship.