Over-apologizing is a serious problem for many women in the workplace, although men can fall victim to it as well. Typically, those afflicted mean well. Apologizing is polite, after all, so it's hard to think of it as a bad thing. Many aren't even aware that they're doing it. But excessive apologizing is not a virtue, especially in the workplace.
There are a number of ways that over-apologizing can harm your professional image.
- It projects self-doubt. Apologizing for a tiny thing (or nothing at all) makes you look insecure and unconfident.?
- It shows a lack of judgment. Saving your apologies for actual mistakes shows that you have the discernment to understand when you've made a mistake. But when you apologize just for existing, as many do, others may assume you are insincere when you genuinely try to own up to a mistake.
- It upsets power dynamics. Over-apologizing can make you look timid, which can unintentionally reinforce a subordinating power dynamic. That's the last thing you want when you're trying to advance in a career.
Although it will take a bit of effort, it's entirely possible to nix this bad habit before it harms your career.?
- Notice when and why you're apologizing. The first step to fixing the problem is becoming aware of it. Every time you apologize, pause and consider if it was truly necessary. Also, consider whether it was even an intentional decision. You might reflexively apologize without knowing it.
- Rephrase unnecessary apologies. If you catch yourself about to apologize, rephrase it. One trick is to replace "I'm sorry" with "thank you." Instead of "I'm sorry to bother you," which implies that you are a burden, try "Thank you for listening," which acknowledges the time-commitment of the other party without putting yourself down. If this is hard at first, practice it in written communications like emails, then gradually rework your speaking habits.
- Apologize appropriately. If you have genuinely made a mistake, own up to it. It's the professional thing to do. Still, don't dwell on the issue longer than necessary, and don't apologize multiple times unless it was a major mistake. Often, a second or third apology serves only to make yourself feel better and can make you look desperate for validation.
- Be patient with yourself. You're likely fighting a habit that you've had for years and years. Change won't happen overnight. But if you practice awareness and make an intention to speak more confidently, you'll find positive results in time.
One of our core values at Talent Gravity is authenticity, which you unintentionally compromise by over-apologizing. For more information about how to find job opportunities that vibe with your genuine self, get in touch with us today.
