Stoic Thanksgiving Survival Guide

It’s that time of year again. Time for family gatherings and Thanksgiving dinner with family and friends. Unfortunately, family gatherings often stress people out and cause anxiety. While I normally write books and articles explaining how Stoicism can benefit LEOs at work, it’s also a valuable tool when you find yourself in uncomfortable social situations. If you are lucky enough to have the day off and get to spend some time with your extended family, then I encourage you to try practicing a little Stoic philosophy this year and see if you can’t make that family gathering much more enjoyable for yourself and everyone involved.

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Mentally Prepare, and Keep Your Goal in Mind

Before you belly up to the table an pull out the carving knife, chances are you are going to experience some family drama. It might be directed at you. Just like any other successful mission you should expect problems, have a plan, and stay focused on the goal. Your goal in this situation is to be at peace, be a good example, and be happy regardless of what happens. My favorite quote from Marcus Aurelius, is the one I read before every social gathering, every meeting, and before every shift briefing. I review this one before any social situation that I’m about to walk into.

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"When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: The people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous, and surly. They are like this because they can't tell good from evil. But I have seen the beauty of good, and the ugliness of evil, and have recognized that the wrongdoer has a nature related to my own - not of the same blood or birth, but the same mind, and possessing a share of the divine. And so none of them can hurt me. No one can implicate me in ugliness. Nor can I feel angry at my relative, or hate him. We were born to work together.”

-Marcus Aurelius

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In short, he is saying. Expect some bullshit and some drama from people. They are like this because they just don’t know any better. He points out that their behavior, cant actually make him act out of character. Finally he speaks of working together. In this case, you will still be related to the same people next year, and it always helps to keep relationships friendly.

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Drop the Judgment

Expectation is the chief cause of misery. Especially when you have expectations of other humans. Expecting anyone to behave in a certain way or according to your beliefs and values is going to cause you some discomfort. Why? Because they will never do and say exactly what you think is correct. Today, try to practice some acceptance. Let your friends and family be exactly as they are, and accept them “warts and all.” If they are ignorant of something or start spouting some belief/politics/religion/opinion that you don’t agree with, remember that it isn’t your job to correct them. Trust me, nothing that you say during a family gathering is going to change someone’s beliefs anyway. Usually, the only thing it does is start arguments and drama. Today, your goal is to drop the judgment and let people be as they are.

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“It's silly to try to escape other people's faults. They are inescapable. Just try to escape your own.”

-Marcus Aurelius

“You don’t have to turn this into something. It doesn’t have to upset you. Things can’t shape our decisions by themselves.”

- Marcus Aurelius

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Kindness is the Key

Resolve to be kind…NO MATTER WHAT. Kindness is the ultimate game plan because: 1) It is something that is entirely within your control. 2) It is the morally correct thing to do. 3) It is one course of action that you won’t regret tomorrow or next week. 4) It sets an excellent example for others.

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“Dig deep within yourself, for there is a fountain of goodness ever ready to flow if you will keep digging.”

-Marcus Aurelius

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“Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for a kindness.”

-Seneca.

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Gratitude

It is Thanksgiving after all. Count your blessings, and try to remember that despite the minor annoyances, and provocations that family might offer, you are lucky to have family. If you didn’t have your family or someone to spend the day with, you would probably be wishing that you did. Someone working patrol today, or serving overseas might be willing to pay a fortune to have the day with their family. Remember that human life is fragile and temporary. This might be the last time you get to spend with some of the people around your table. Appreciate what you have while you have it.

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"Don't imagine having things that you don't have ... Rather, pick the best of the things that you do have and think of how much you would want them if you didn't have them".

-?Marcus Aurelius

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Wherever you go and whatever you do today, I hope that when you find yourself confronted with family issues or people problems, you will try to apply some Stoic wisdom.

?Happy Thanksgiving and Amor Fati

-Sgt. Steve