The Stoic Edge in 30 Posts
Post #14: Let Them
One of the illusions of our modern world is that we have more control than we really do. Technology, AI, and the advancement of our knowledge in all areas has made us more certain than ever that we know the answers. It's easy to become convinced that you are smarter and have more control over your life today -- after all, connection is instantaneous and global.. You carry Google and host of powerful apps in your pocket. You ARE the master of the universe!
Only it's not true. We have access to more information, but the basic premise of Epictetus' "Dichotomy of Control" hasn't changed in two millennia:
There are things in your control and things that are out of your control. In your control is your thoughts, feelings, decisions, and reactions to things. Out of your control? Everything and everyone else.
If you are a parent of adult children, you will know the frustration of not being able to control your kids. They grow up to become independent agents, capable (or not) of making their own decisions. You may vehemently disagree with them, find them dumb and even dangerous. But you ultimately can do little to stop them. For they are outside of your control.
Mel Robbins has this saying that I love: "Let them." What's the response to people you can't control? Let them. Your kid wants to drop out of college and join a circus? Let him/her. Your customer wants to go a different direction and there is little you can do to change it? Let them.
This is a particularly Stoic concept. We control only ourselves and the energy we spend trying to manage the decisions of others is a futile and exhausting enterprise. As Marcus Aurelius puts it:
“You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”
That strength comes from focusing internally on what you can control. You are in charge of YOU and your reaction to what happens to you. This is the ultimate personal power.
So next time you are exasperated by a friend, family member or co-worker, just "let them."
Adaptable professional, committed to streamlining operations, managing sales lifecycle, and driving sustainable business growth.
5 个月Great post! illusion is such a powerful word and I see so many in business today; that dismiss it as only pertinent to magicians.
Associate Quality Assurance Engineer
5 个月You posted this on the day I need it. Family problems. I will choose to just "let them". I'll control my thoughts and actions.