STINT TO SOLACE: Musings from NTPC North Karanpura

I am in my last trimester and we hear of the transfer of my husband to a project location North Karanpura. Instead of having a reaction on how should we move ourselves in such a situation, our super active and ever inquisitive brain quips “Yahan bhi NTPC hai???”

It’s 10 at night and me unable to contain my anxiety text my mom, “his transfer order has come and he is transferred to a project named North Karanpura”. My mom out of over optimism says Kanpur is ok. Can you get a transfer to Kanpur? I said, you are sleepy or assume yourself to be the Alice in her wonderland? It’s Karanpura. It is that place about which even Wikipedia and Google have limited information and you assume it to be Kanpur. End of discussion. You just proved you don’t fulfil the eligibility criteria to be a part of my worrisome discussion and my sob story.

There are people in the world who pray throughout their lifetime and beyond that may you always be in the good books of Bhagwan, the supreme lord and no harm in anyway should ever happen to you. If you feel there is even anyone like these species exist, believe me it’s your parents who top the list and whoever you can think of be it your spouse or your children or your bestest friends, they may appear but their rank has to be after your parents. Take my word on this for now and you will realize it when you become a parent.

Me in my mental race to become a second time mother make a mental list of things I should be worried of.

My official work burden: I never imagined March would be such an important month in my life until I started working. Everything revolves around March. I sometimes get terrified and when I assume something in my mind, there is a virtual voiceover in space telling me Its March. I think if these people are given the authority to run the world for even a second, I am sure they will replace the sun with March and make all the planets revolve around it throughout the year. And me, from my engineering days was an anomaly for engineering students and studied for few hours daily irrespective of the mid semester or end semester, so when someone vaguely said engineering students read only the day before the exam, it made my blood boil. Though I did not have any significantly better grades than them, still I felt and I still feel the habit is very important to maintain the continuity. Similarly, I feel one should work throughout the year uniformly why should I put my neck in the stone only in March and imagine dying rest 11 months. Beyond my comprehension.

And in this precarious situation, God chose me to be a second time mother in March.

While a write from my hospital bed regarding approval of my maternity leave, I was thinking, let the world go for a toss and let me concentrate on my little bundle of joy. The ghost of Karanpura still tries to make some guest appearances, but I don’t let it.

When our second daughter is 9 days old, on April 01, 2022, my husband starts for this location to join with a friend of his and his family. I think to myself what a coincidence. Life is indeed trying to make a fool of you, so this date.

While I track his location in google maps, all I see is mines and jungles and when I try calling him, he already is in a bad mood because he got lost several times along the way. The roads are still under repair or construction and google has limited knowledge of that. He sends me images of a play area and a temple from his accommodation and sounds very dull. I try to cheer him up saying today is only the first day and eventually you will like it. And then add some Gyaan “Project Engineers are supposed to be like that. You should feel proud that you have the opportunity to build infrastructure in a place like that. That is what you should be proud of”. He halfheartedly says yes, because he probably was in no mood for Gyaan at that point of time. And I make a mental note to give Gyaan only when the time is right or I may land in trouble.

After the second Covid wave, we have lots of discussion as whether we can move in with him, he always said it is not suitable for people with small kids. You better be at home. At least you can have medical attention in case there is any need. I say still there are people and people with kids too. They are managing so we can manage too. And most importantly, after maternity break anyways the kids are going to be with me at my workplace so let them spend some time with you when they can. After much deliberation (read discussion (for females) and arguments (for males)), like the majority of discussions in the world it ticks towards the female gender, i.e., me, in the instant case.

We start with lots of bags, baggage and a bag full of medicines to our not so beloved North Karanpura. After we cross Ranchi, I feel like giving up. All I read is “Unsafe Bridge”, “Bridge under construction”, “not for heavy vehicles” and still there are several heavy vehicles in queue to cross the bridge. I start getting flashbacks of movies wherein I have seen people abduct someone and call their kin to places like these to collect ransom while they watch from afar with their telescope. I try to look for someone with telescope somewhere, but there was none or at least was not visible to me. I make another mental note, sometimes it is better to listen to your husband.

After a seemingly never-ending journey, I could spot a tower in the midst of jungles, mines and random open spaces throughout. All this while I am trying to figure out what on earth made someone choose this place for this project?

During our foray into this under construction building, we reach our place which we will call our home for coming few months with lots of question marks in mind and are delighted to see the abundance of empty spaces in and around the rooms. We, humans, gradually have started paying for these things over the years. I remember one of the builders selling lake side apartment with an additional charge for a lake view which actually was a puddle. Surprising, how we neglect things when we have it and assume it to be more precious when are made to pay for it.

There is a series of hills visible from the balcony and I can see both the sun and moon from the rooms and balcony because of the vast expanse of open sky and the horizon. There is an under-construction reservoir which creates a view resembling a lake by the hillside. Maybe, this is luxury.

I remember going to watch the sunset for several years during my school and college days. All the passersby thought me to be an angry little girl upset with my family members and sitting there in a deserted place and watching the sky. During my B.Tech, I used to look forward to come back home and go for a long walk with my best friend just to watch the sun set. It gave me a sense of fulfillment and peace. I didn’t know the importance of peace back then, but it was an important ritual whenever I was home. I always could notice different colours and different shapes and formations in the sky during the sunset. I told about it to people close to me like my brother. He said I knew something is wrong with you and you just proved me correct. I told my father about it. He being my biggest comforter till date always agreed to it. I told him, you will also join me and I will show you how it changes on a day-to-day basis. He agreed to that as well.

When I was about to get married, I told my would-be husband amongst the various things that he has to promise, one is, he will have to take me to watch sunset at least once a week. It is a different matter altogether that he is yet to do that even once and I am nice enough to not sue him for that.

First evening in Tandwa, we all (including my toddlers) are exhausted from the journey and we all are looking forward to sleep and then, there is a power cut. When I was a Kid, Power cut was a happy occasion, it meant I do not have to study, I may go out and play till the power is restored.

For my kids, it’s a strange thing, they have hardly ever witnessed a power outage, they start crying incessantly. I look out of the window; the sun and moon vanish from my mind and all I think is to get out of this place as early as possible. When you are tired, even the smallest things make you more sad than it actually should. We try to get used to this place. In between I along with my kids leave for Banaras to spend some time there. When we are back after a month, there is a lawn in the making and many online delivery partners have started delivering things at doorstep. Both of them were an important part of survival here.

It is rainy season, post every downpour, I gaze at the series of hillocks in the horizon and try to count them. The forests out there look cleaner and greener. No amount of artificial watering can match up to even an ounce of a natural downpour. I start feeling never in my life have I ever experienced the view of such a vast horizon in front of me.

For majority of working professionals, the best thing about weekend is the precious afternoon nap, but in my case, when I was in Kolkata, it was frequently interrupted because of the honking horns wherein people believed the continuity of their horns is the only contributing factor in clearing the traffic and did not believe in its occasional use. Here, I get to hear the chirping birds from a distance and feel this indeed is a good feeling.

When I was a kid, my father used to tell me I love this house because I can see the moon from my bed and from the courtyard. So, the courtyard was an important component of our house. I feel like telling him, I can also see the moon from this house, but some things are not destined to be said.

My husband has resumed playing cricket here and is quite religious about it. I am not very supportive of it because I want to go for a walk with the kids during that time on Sundays. One day after the game, he tells me every day around 5:30 pm, during the last hour of our game, there is a large group of birds fly from the reservoir side towards the other end of the plant. I think of showing this to my kids, but somehow have not been able to do so.

When my maternity leave is nearing its end and I am in talks with the HR regarding my joining, suddenly I feel, I am not very happy about leaving this place. I am yet to see some more sunrises. I am yet to count the mountains correctly. Every time I have tried, I felt there is more to it, may be one more that I need to see clearly. I am yet to see the group of birds who travel from the reservoir side to the other end towards the plant. Something does not feel right.

What started as a short stint has become a ritual for me. I look out of the window in the morning and witness the large number of people, both men and women coming to work here with their food in a packet. I look at them going back in the evening. I wonder, I work in a better environment and in a better paying job and still have many complaints and may not like several things about it. These people, though they seem tired, they are so busy in fetching their basic necessities, complaining may be a waste of time for them. All they need is to turn up for work, get the job done, take the money and go back home to their families. May be planning long term is wise, but worrisome. Taking a day at hand is simpler, but difficult to practise.

One day I look at a female police officer, who must be below 25 years of age, walking with her two kids to work. The elder one who may be is 2-3 years old and walking along with her mom and the younger one must be less than a year old. She makes many adjustments along the way, she sometimes carries the baby in her hands, sometimes wraps the baby in a towel and binds it on her back. She walks to her stay location around 1 pm with both the kids with an umbrella. I look at her walk closely. I even feel like going downstairs and talking to her, know more about her. But somehow do not do that. She suddenly becomes my hero and negates all the pride I had about myself in trying to be a good mother. I tell about her to my domestic help; she says she has also seen her. She puts her small kid on a mat near her while she is at work and the older kid plays around. I tell my husband about her. Maybe she does not have someone to look after her kids while she is at work. He says, maybe she is allowed to have her kids around her while she is at work is more important.

I agree to it. I am amazed by the power of perspective in shaping me feeling good or bad about it. But the lady walking with her two kids remains engraved in my mind. Maybe it is all about perspective. And I am glad I came here and looked at things I had never seen and from perspectives I could never have had.

When you are part of a play/an act, you have a limited view and a different perspective of the act. When you are part of the audience, it is different. For the light man running the show it is again different. He is able to see the act and the audience both.

And to be able to see that perspective you need to be at that place or at least imagine being there and visualize how things could be. The mad rush we are being put in or are putting ourselves in during our daily hustle is perhaps making us loose our basic quality of empathy, the most important quality of being a human. And I am glad, if not fully, to a little extent, this Maternity break, despite, being an exhaustive task for me also gave me a sneak peek into a different world, where I could watch things more closely.

For me, looking at the mountains and the horizon has been more fulfilling than hopping malls and spending a considerable portion of my life in traffic jam. I look forward to show my kids the birds and the environment around them. And, if I stay here for some more time, I would not depend on some online classes teaching winter solstice and summer solstice, I can teach my kids Uttarayan and Dakshinayan from the balcony itself. Luxury has indeed been redefined for me. Thanks, to this place and its serenity for re-introducing me to my precious moments of quiet.

Now when we traverse through the dilapidated bridges, there is less fear and more of excitement. I do not try to find the imaginary gunmen asking for ransom, I look at the tranquil water of Damodar, that has seen it all since the beginning and still choses to flow as its original course.

We have lost direction several times during our journey to this place amongst the jungles, but the fear of getting lost and an impending danger has gone away. May be, now we belong here.

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By:
 
Swagatika Pujari

W/o Sushanta Bhuyan

Sr Manager - Project Construction

NTPC North Karanpura

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(Disclaimer: Views expressed are personal)