Stillness: The Antidote to Soul Toxicity

In my reading this week I came across the word mazungu, which is a Swahili word to describe the white man when they first came to Africa. Mazungu roughly translates to “one who spins around” or “one who wanders around”: the Swahili saw the white man as always in a flurry of activity, always wandering.

Honestly, I feel a little convicted by this description. In fact, I would imagine that more often than not, I come across as mazungu and not because of my white skin. Owning two businesses, being active in a non-profit, and running a household leaves little time for an idle mind. But let’s be real: for a while there, I loved to feel busy. I loved to tell people I was busy. I thrived there…or so I thought. I also loved to over commit and find myself in a never-ending cycle of mom/ wife/ business owner/ volunteer/ daughter/ friend guilt, never quite feeling like “enough” of any one. Though through my years in the field of well-being and performance I knew to prioritize sleep, maintain a healthy diet, and exercise daily, this was my one Achilles heel: stillness. Quite frankly, I stink at it.

Here’s the problem: busyness will not only distract you from your goals and dreams, it will toxify the soul. Over time, I found that I had developed a hurried soul—even when my body was still, my mind still tried to keep the frenzied pace. I was mazungu in my inner world as much as my outer world, and it showed up over the years in the form of a terrible memory, stifled creativity, an occasional racing heartbeat, or a sudden feeling of overwhelming panic and pessimism. I struggled to feel joy in the slower, smaller things: I was so busy trying to build my business and get ahead, somewhere along the way I forgot what a performance advantage the skill of stillness really is. I had a toxified soul and I was bone tired.

So, I stopped. I decided to prioritize stillness.

At least once a day for about three weeks, I chose to stop, take 10 deep breaths, and sit with my thoughts, following them wherever they went. That was my plan, anyway. I set reminders on my phone because let’s be real, I considered myself too busy (read: important) to remember this plan by memory alone. And here were my insights:

#1 - Stillness reframed volume. I realized, quite suddenly (within the first few days), that my professional and personal demands will always exceed my capacity: always. Volume wasn’t the issue—such is the life of any working mother—rather, it was my mindset about the volume. I had to work on seeing it a different way. So, I set to work on that. Result? Mindset shifted: my work is a blessing, an opportunity to serve; my family is everything, all things; I don’t need to be everything all the time…I can give my best in smaller moments when I allow stillness to truncate my blocks of the day. Moving at a hundred miles an hour without moments of stillness was only going to negatively impact both areas of my life.

#2 - Stillness is performance enhancing. I was able to move myself from reactive, fight-or-flight mode to reflective, intentional, soul-full mode. I was able to more fully see my day, my situation, and my priorities. Stillness gave me the gift of perspective and awareness. And we know there is science to support this: meditation, for example, has been shown to increase awareness, insight, among myriad other health benefits.

#3 - Busyness is approval addiction. I realized in these moments of stillness that much of my frantic hurriedness—my mazungu—was a direct result of a need to please. Whether it was to gain approval from myself, my husband, my children, my professional peers, fellow moms in the PTO, my clients, my mentors, you name it: I was dead set on my identity being molded and shaped by what others saw and thought of my “success.” Just realizing this took its power away. Thanks to a keenly insightful and observant business partner (who so happens to be a psychologist…perks of the job, you know), I was able to simultaneously gain insight and relieve myself of the burden of approval addiction, just like that. Sure, I still worry about what others think and likely always will. But my hurriedness no longer belongs to those I sought to impress…these days my hurriedness can be blamed on other ridiculous things: but approval is not one of them!

#4 - Stillness is life giving. It goes without saying, but a hurried, busy, frantic, spinning-and-wandering-around mazungu life just isn’t good for you. I could feel a drop in my blood pressure when I began this journey of stillness. It didn’t matter if my stillness was conducted in the car, in the grocery store line, in my living room while meditating, in the pool while swimming (yes, I consider letting go of my mental hurriedness “stillness” even if my body was moving): the act of intentionally seeking physical and mental quiet breathed a new life into me. Whether it was the physiological calming of the brain’s stress response kicking into PNS or the placebo effect, to me, it was a moot point. I felt better. I managed myself more effectively post-stillness. I looked forward to those times in the day and added more stillness into my routine. I took the social media apps off my phone that my darn thumb had become ridiculously addicted to tapping. I sat with uncomfortable thoughts: I worked through them, like I used to when I was a kid. I found resilience again.

So, did I keep it up? Sustainability is key after all.

I’m happy to report that this highly scientific stillness experiment was conducted in the fall of 2018 and I still find stillness in my day. I seek it out. I come back to my work with vigor and energy and since then I have used the technique for those inevitable high-stress moments: when my boys leave their soccer cleats in the garage on the way to a game and we have to turn around, or a last minute work request comes in on a Friday afternoon, or a client call doesn’t go the way I wanted it to, or the music suddenly goes out in the spin room where I teach a weekly class and I have to ad lib the rest of the hour. Momentary stillness has given me opportunity to live more presently, more engaged, and most importantly, more connected.

I was a stuck accelerator—mazungu. Admittedly, often I still am. But I see now how much perpetual hurry can toxify my soul and rob me of life’s richest moments. No one finishes the long race of the day without a pit stop: stillness is my pit crew.

If you are interested in having a conversation like this with your leadership team or organization, please send me a message. I create custom training programs and presentations to ignite performance and inspire connection.