Still suffering years after a betrayal? Here's why...

It's months, maybe even years since the betrayal you experienced threw the life you once had in the tumble dryer, turning you inside out, and putting your emotions on a spin-cycle.

Although you've dealt with it in many ways, you still feel tied to the past, the situation, and to the person who betrayed you, with your buttons still being pressed by random smiling social media posts (of them), or a throwaway comment from someone else, mentioning them and what they are up to in their life (post you)(how dare they?).

So why are you still hooked and unable to shake yourself loose? Here are some of the reasons:

?? You're waiting: For acknowledgement of the harm caused, an apology, a show of remorse - anything that lets you know that you matter. That your pain matters. That you mattered to them. That your loyalty mattered. When you get this, you believe you will be able to move on fully.

?? If there was a way to stop waiting and reclaim your power back right now would you take it? What if they never give these to you? What is the cost to your life of continuing to ‘wait’?

??You believe that life is happening to you: This betrayal is another example of how life is ‘out to get you’, isn't fair, and it's pointless being a good person, as you just get ****ed over.

??What if life is in fact happening ‘for you’ and the betrayal is a nudge to move you towards greater authenticity, meaning, and purpose in your life? 

??You believe that holding on to your rage towards them is going to make them suffer, and show them that you are not someone they can just walk all over.

??What if holding on to your rage is actually keeping you tied to them indefinitely, and is actually causing you to suffer -not the other way round? What is the cost to you of continuing to hold on to your rage?

??You're still beating yourself up about all the times you put the relationship first, thinking that they would do the same, and the sacrifice was both noble and ‘just what you do in a relationship’.

??What if you could learn from the past relationship-the ways you put loyalty to the relationship above loyalty to yourself and commit to doing it differently next time?

??You're hoping deep down that things are going to change. That the life you had and thought you would have in the future is still there, and the other person is going to wake up and realise how much they have lost and return to the fold, tail between their legs.

??What if you allowed yourself to fully grieve the losses which the betrayal brought to your life and allow life and love to flow through you once more- letting them and your former life go? 

??You still love the person and are at war with yourself over it-you know they likely don't deserve it, and there is no way you are opening up your heart to love again. You're done trusting, and you're going to protect yourself from getting hurt at all costs.

??What if you were to allow your heart to do what it does best and love. Love whom it wants to love. That doesn’t mean you have to reconcile or go back into the relationship, it just means you make peace with the loving being that you are.

??Deep down inside you, you believe there is something wrong with you: That you're not lovable, not worthy, not valuable, too much, don't deserve, are not ok. And their behaviour is proof of this core belief.

??What if none of these beliefs was true. That in fact, they are for sure all lies? What if the truth is that your true nature is love, and your true purpose is to create love in this world as directed by your Soul?

I could go on, but you get the idea. 

You have experienced a life-changing betrayal, and it has caused you great pain and upheaval in your life.

But now, you are at a crossroads in your life. And you have a choice:

To continue to wait, to suffer, to rage, to stay small, to make war with your heart, and Life, to feel victimised and powerless OR

?? To reclaim your power for your life and wellbeing from this moment forward. To step up, and step fully into the magnificent, creative, loving human being that you are and express your truth into the world. To align with your values, and find healthy anger to uphold your boundaries in relationships. To be loyal to you and your Soul first, and to shine a light onto the false beliefs you are carrying about yourself from childhood and release them once and for all. To open your heart and love fully as is your right and your joy to share with the world.??

Sound good?

Your freedom, your inner peace, and the next chapter of your life is waiting for you. 

What are you going to choose?

For more info about Helen and her 'Freedom from Betrayal' programme please go to: ?? helentanner.com/freedomfrombetrayal 

Helen Tanner is a Forgiveness Coach, Speaker, Trainer, and qualified Psychotherapist with an extensive portfolio of working in the UK -including seven years as Charity Director- and internationally in countries including Botswana, Tunisia and war-affected Libya, Myanmar, South Sudan, Kosovo, and Belfast. 

She Is a Rotary Peace Fellow and Global peace Index Ambassador and holds a Masters Degree in Conflict Resolution and a first degree in Law.

She has been researching the Forgiveness Process for 12 years and has undertaken the forgiveness journey herself, and emerged stronger, and with a greater capacity to love and live life on purpose following a devastating personal betrayal.

She is currently living in the wild beauty of Cornwall SW England.