Still coaching ... still fixing!

A couple of years ago, I wrote a blog called “Coaching … or fixing?”. It focused on a client whose line manager had sent him to be coached because the boss felt there was something wrong with my client. The truth was, it was the boss who was the problem, because they simply lacked self awareness and empathy.

Two years on, I am now working with someone who is facing the same problem … but they are the boss, who’s been feeling bad because of a team member who … lacks self awareness! It’s A Thing!

As I am writing, we’re all in lockdown, being responsible about our physical distancing and no longer working alongside one another in offices up and down the country. For many people reading this, you will secretly be giving Coronavirus a quick vote of thanks, before you recover yourself and realise quite what a serious and dangerous climate we’re currently suffering. What’s that about? It’s about how massively unhappy many people have been in their workplaces, and a lot of that is down to the lack of empathy … thinking things through from your colleagues’ perspective … and taking a good long look at yourself.

Getting along with people in the office is really tough when they are all such pains, isn’t it? Don’t forget … they may well be thinking that about you!

So, instead of thinking what other people need to be doing about their behaviours (and they may well need some help!), how about looking at your own? This is where the vast bulk of my coaching work focuses – helping my clients to manage their behaviours. Actually, that isn’t really true … I often end up helping my clients to manage their response to behaviours (their own and those of colleagues). Managing your responses is for another blog …

When you are planning your working from home (because you ARE planning it, aren’t you?! All our fellow LI posters are telling us so) I am asking you to take just 10 minutes a day, to really, really think about how you behave. Sit, with the required anti-viral hot beverage, and consider what it is that presses your buttons about someone at work. What do they do, that triggers your mood to slump? Be precise. Really stop and notice. And maybe note it down. Keep it grown up – no abuse or mindless criticism! And then? Run that same video in your head, but see if you can watch the video as if you are watching it through the other person’s eyes. And be precise again. Really stop and notice, again. And note it down, again. Experience the emotions. Notice the impact you may be having … and may not have noticed before. And write that down, and how you feel about it. 

It may be, that this brings some tough stuff to the surface. If it does, talk to someone – don’t stew on things on your own. Mind.org.uk is a great charity, and its Infoline 0300 123 3393 is a good place to start for queries about whether what you’re feeling could be something which could trigger some mental ill health issues for you. It’s a great place to help you to spot the signs – for you and also for colleagues. If this is something that you would like to explore when you get back together when the virus lockdown is over, you can call on your local Mental Health First Aid trainer (mind.org.uk again, or at https://mhfaengland.org/) to welcome them into your workplace so you can all be that bit kinder to one another … and yourself.

And if you think that, although it isn’t quite a mental health concern, you’ve unearthed something you would like some help to explore and maybe to behave differently in the future, coaching will definitely help you. Even better, work with a coach also trained in neuro-linguistic programming, so that you can explore how you use your senses and language, with others and yourself, to shape your workplace behaviours. I’d be delighted to help, and always happy to explore how I could support a potential client, for free over a cuppa. At the moment, that’s a virtual cuppa – but as we’re all being encouraged to drink more hot drinks to ward off Covid19, how about getting in touch and sharing a virtual cuppa to discuss your workplace dilemmas with me? It may just be the fix you need.