Sticky Starts

Anyone else had a slightly disappointing, tough or ‘sticky’ start to the year?

I was properly wiped out with the lurgy just before Christmas, but after some truly indulgent twixmas lie-ins, long walks and comfort eating I thought I had rested and was on the road to recovery. Coming home from a lovely NYE with friends (and a freezing cold dunk on new years day - see below), I felt recharged with a fresh lease of life for that first week back at work. I was full of positive energy to hit the ground running.

I started out well; prioritising a good morning routine and eating healthily to regain strength and help focus after illness (and that long, indulgent break). I made good progress on my pre-christmas, delayed-by-flu-but-adjustable plans, excited to launch some new content plus buzzing with new ideas and…… BOOM….

.....An unexpected and deeply challenging conversation with someone blew me completely off course.

I fell straight back into pre-christmas lethargy, threats of more snot faced lurgy, comfort eating, frustrated and unmotivated exhaustion.

I felt a tidal wave of emotion and despair about how unfair it all felt, how far behind being ill had already set me back, and now this drama was further impacting on any chance I had at progress. It feels overly dramatic to write about it now, but the pain and hopelessness at the time was real and the exhausting “poor me’s” drove me into a pit of doom, gloom and negativity.

And whilst I don’t generally feel comfortable writing about this pretty personal episode on this worky platform, theres just too much relevant to recent conversations with clients and my network here, so I wanted to share;

YOU’RE NOT ALONE

Firstly, nearly everyone I have spoken to so far this year has either had a challenging moment (or two) that set them back a little (or a lot), or struggled with that never ending cold/ flu hacky lung thing OR or found it unexpectedly and unforgivingly hard to get started back into this new year.

So I know I’m not alone and wish I could teleport back to the misery I felt a few weeks back to a) give myself a hug and b) encourage me to pick up the phone and talk to my friends sooner.

SHARING REALLY HELPS

Which leads straight onto point 2; That without fail, each and every person I have spoken to, felt better after sharing their experiences. Its settling to know we’re not alone in that less than sunny start to the new year and its actually neurologically beneficial to talk about whats going on inside.

When we keep problems to ourselves, we are more likely to catastrophise and therefore remain in that high-anxiety, threat response mode which keeps us narrowly focussed on a small or single aspect of the perceived threat (i.e. the most obvious part that triggered us most, as opposed to us the full picture).

Whereas, by sharing a problem, we are helping our brains consider and process all the available information more broadly, by describing to others (who were not present) in more detail than we would to ourselves. By expanding our view, we re-create the picture for others and force ourselves to think more laterally, which enables our brain to make connections that weren’t previously possible in our narrow minded state.

This is further helped when the other person interrupts our (potentially still slightly narrow focussed or biased way of thinking) with reflections and questions. As we consider their interpretations or clarify their misunderstandings, we are further forced to view different perspectives and consider a boarder picture with more curiosity.

Even better, when sharing a concern with others, we are more likely to use a little humour to elaborate and keep the story entertaining. Whilst that might make the story a little biased (for entertainment purposes), it also helps move our brains from 'fight or flight' into 'rest and digest'. It helps us stop dwelling and move into that more creative, optimistic and generally better problem solving state.

So the next time someone shares a problem with you, remember that it's good to be curious and interrupt with questions and humour to help them relax and think, and therefore hopefully feel much more positively!

Craving familiar crutches

Then, as I learned more about what it took for each of us to get back on track; as we discussed all of the different things we did or needed to feel better, there was one very clear theme;

Whether each was aware or not, as I reflected back on all of the ‘things’ my friends, my clients and I needed to prioritise or change (to get us back on track), we all had our own versions of fairly similar ‘go to’ or wish list of activities that we knew would help us feel better. Whilst the activities varied slightly from person to person, we were all describing our need to protect, prioritise, increase, create or re-instate some healthy HABITS.

Whether it was running, getting outside, reading more, mindfulness, moving more in the afternoons, waking earlier, ice-cold showers, doing exercise before or after work, journalling, drinking more water, learning something, we all seemed have identified the seemingly small, yet powerful regular activities that would help us feel stronger and better prepared to take on what we had to. We each looked towards, or craved healthy habits to help ground us, strengthen our bodies and minds in order to motivate ourselves and make the most of our days in the most positive way.

HABITS: (YOU’RE) WORTH THE INVESTMENT

As I reflect on who found it easier (do do the things we said we needed to) and those who bounced back the quickest, there was another common theme;

Those who had previously invested the time in building some healthy habits, found it so much easier.

Because those who already knew a) what worked for them, b) how and when to incorporate those healthy activities for the best results and c) had already done the work to bed-in few good habits (doing them regularly and for long enough so that the sequence of actions are ingrained) found it so much easier to kick start those routines, and focus on the activities they knew would help them get in the zone, optimise energy, feel more optimistic and in control of their time.

Bouncing back

And here I am able to feel a small sense of pride.

As I reflect on how quickly I recovered from that sense of hopelessness from just a few weeks back, it didn't actually take that long to get back on track. It is sometimes useful to remember that 'this too shall pass', but also be aware that how quickly is dependent on your overall resilience.

I am so very grateful for the time I have spent over the years testing, trialling and building a good morning routine that I can so easily rely on (and even crave when I’ve missed a few days or I'm out of town).

Thanks to the consistent prioritisation of those regular work outs, journalling, plans with people I love, regular walks (what ever the weather!) and study over the years, I know they have helped me feel healthier and more in control of my energy much quicker than I would have in the past. I know the things I need to focus on to help distract me from a challenge and help me prioritise on the things that are important to me (yoga, neuroscience, resilience, positive psychology). It's thanks to the clarity of those priorities and the habits I've formed around them that I spent less time ruminating and worrying about things I couldn’t control and moved into a more motivated, proactive and problem solving mode quicker than I would have in the past (and quicker than those I spoke to who did not know what worked for them (i.e. lacked healthy habits)). My habits help me build my resilience.

It really has been worth the investment and I encourage anyone who struggles with energy or focus, frustrating mornings, challenging relationships, difficultly switching off from a problem or relaxing; have a look at your routines, ask yourself what works for YOU? Try some new things but over all, invest the time in building some healthy habits that you can fall back on quickly when the shit hits the fan. You really are worth the investment and your future self will thank you.

In summary:

1. If you’re struggling, you’re not alone. There are many out there struggling too. Some better or worse off than you but all will value your views, as you will theirs. So talk about it.
2. Sharing is crucial, for others as well as yourself. Be curious and inquisitive about their concerns as much for them as for you. Opening up perspectives and encouraging healthy debate and even humour helps move us from narrow focused (fight or flight) into a more balanced and energised, creative problem-solving state.
3. Focus on the little things; build healthy habits to help ground you, strengthen your mind, body and soul and prioritise your health, BEFORE you tackle a problem. Work will come and go, but you only have one body so help it perform at its best. Because everything else is easier to handle when you do.
4. You ARE WORTH THE INVESTMENT; We are all different, so what works for one person might not work for you; keep experimenting and once you have found a habit that works for your unique needs; take the time to bed it in. Habits take time to form, but once you have created a routine that your body can operate in default mode, you’ll find yourself craving it and find it so much easier to fall back on when you need it.
5. Resilience is key to helping you recover from stressful situations and perform at your best. We're all different but its the little things you do on a regular basis that help ground you, refocus and keep things in perspective. Because knowing and practising those habits that work for you will help you build your resilience and bounce back faster.

Hope this helps encourage just one person to take the time to get to know their needs and build a good habit! I would love to know whats worked for you? What ideas and tricks do you have for bouncing back after being knocked down?

And for anyone struggling to get past an issue, stick to a habit or just wanting to feel differently about a situation, please do drop me a note and let’s chat: [email protected]. You never know, it could be transformational.

#Habits, #stressmanagement, #motivation, #resilience, #selfcare