Sticks And Stones: Beware Of These Three Things You Lose By Being Reactive And Emotional With Others

Everybody thinks they've had a bad boss.

While some have occasionally overstepped boundaries, with employees sheepishly retreating to their desks, many others have reached the pinnacle of their respective fields. Visionaries and trailblazers like Jack Welch, Steve Jobs, and Andy Grove have been associated with occasional uncontrollable outbursts.

But uncontrollable outbursts are not limited to the workplace. These days, everyone, everywhere—whether at work, home, in public and elsewhere—are asking ‘Why is everyone so angry?’.

According to a poll taken just before the pandemic, 84% of people think Americans are angrier than a generation earlier and 42% admitted they themselves were angrier.

How many times have you had to deal with an angry person?

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured”. – Mark Twain, American writer

Sometimes we have leaders at work that may offend us, or it may be someone outside of work. Maybe a spouse, family member, or friend. It doesn’t matter who it is really.

Why?

Because its not about what others are doing to you. Its more about having control of your own emotions and how you respond that really matters.

Consider an experience I had years ago at a holiday gathering at a friend’s home.

During a joyful evening, harmless banter took a sour turn, triggering an explosive reaction from me. Laughter ceased abruptly, awkward glances exchanged, and the host's joy vanished. My anger remained, accompanied by physical symptoms, only to later regret my handling of the situation.

It's a reminder that, like a battleship slowly changing course, recognizing and implementing meaningful change takes time.

My experience serves as a cautionary tale, demonstrating the destructive repercussions of unchecked tempers, staining relationships, and disrupting a festive atmosphere.

Why does this happen?

According to psychologist Rachel Goldman, Ph.D., a clinical assistant professor in the department of psychiatry at NYU Grossman School of Medicine, “…the person is charged by the emotion, and therefore they are perceiving the situation differently, in a more negative manner.”

What does this look like?

Whether one is usually very grounded and regulated in most situations and has the occasional blow up, or has limited capacity to regulate their emotions in any situation, it can often look like:

? Saying hurtful things to someone in the moment out of anger or frustration

? Responding with anger through words or physical behavior when you are perceiving someone else to be rude

? Jumping to conclusions without actively listening to what someone is saying

? Getting angry when things don’t go as planned

Ultimately, emotional reactivity as a result of stressors can lead to various negative consequences.

The following are three ways you will end up on the short end of the stick if you let your emotions get the better of you.

Losing The Chance At Optimum Health

It’s often been said that blowing your gasket can put you into a casket. As dramatic as that may sound, this statement is closer to the truth than fiction. Overreactions to what people say or do to you can make not just your mind, but heart angry as well, while throwing your nervous system off balance through headache, increased anxiety, and high blood pressure.

Depending on how it is expressed, anger can be a positive and useful emotion, or negative and dangerous.

“If you don’t think every day is a good day, just try missing one.” — Anonymous

Whether it’s an incident at work, anger at a family member or significant other, getting stuck in a traffic jam, or dealing with a clueless customer service agent, don’t let your hormone chemicals go out of whack and endanger your health because you flew off the handle, causing your pulse to take off like a horse race.

The simple reason why is that you may lose more than just your temper if you do.

Losing Productivity and Time

When you act irrationally over a slight by someone you also run the risk of losing valuable time.

How so?

Because the time you spent being angry and throwing f-bombs at a particular person or no one in particular, that is time you could be spending doing something productive.

Time doesn’t stop, is promised to no one, and you cannot get it back.

That being said, be cautious when viewing something you find offensive and disagreeable, and be mindful of how you react, prioritizing what’s really important in your life at that moment.

Losing The Opportunity For Relationship Building

Often when we are dealing with a romantic partner, a child, a coworker, friend, sibling, business partner, or even a neighbor, you may encounter occasions when they do something you may not like, causing you to become angry.

As the saying goes, sh*t happens.

“When I lose my temper, honey, you can’t find it any place.” ― Ava Gardner

Anger is the natural response to situations, I get it. I’ve dealt with my share of identity triggers when dealing with others as a result of personal issues, external events, the result of substance abuse, passive-aggressive personalities that cause me to lose my patience, you name it.

There’s nothing shameful about being quick to respond to something.

We are all human and have emotions.

The key, although not easy sometimes, is to not imitate their negative behavior. Unlike them, learn to think before you speak. Take a deep breath, while using some coping skills to disengage. Resist the urge to use finger-pointing language.

Walking away or tabling a conversation for another time are some ways to deal with it.

“Your body does what it thinks it needs to do to survive a real or perceived stressor,” says Dr. Goldman. “But it’s important to be able to identify when that reaction is necessary and maybe when you can tone it down a bit and respond, instead of reacting in the moment.”

In other words, if you value the existing relationship, or the potential for a new one, then identify some common triggers.

Begin to flip the script and change how you react to your surroundings.

This could lead to transforming the way others who have potentially offended you behave in the future towards you, either through their tongue or their actions, allowing for some forgiveness, healing, and making the relationship stronger or overcoming an uncomfortable situation in the beginning to form a new bond.

Mindset Redirection

Start today on a new path towards adjusting your perception towards negative words and behaviors.

The growing prevalence of stress-relief methods like mindfulness and meditation shows the widespread desire for calmness and inner peace in a busy and noisy world.

It’s crucial to recognize that frequently losing your composure can have consequences beyond strained relationships and being the buzzkill of the party.