STFU #77 - Why was Dhritarashtra Blind and How did India Win World Cup 2011 - Building ‘Culture’ and ‘Skills’ in Startups with Dad Brain

-— Ved Vyas and Mahabharata?

Ambika, along with her sister Ambalika, was married to King?Vichitravirya?of the Kuru dynasty. After Vichitravirya’s untimely death without leaving any heirs, his mother,?Satyavati, decided to invoke the ancient practice of?Niyoga, where a sage could father children on behalf of a deceased king. Satyavati asked the sage?Vyasa?(her own son) to help ensure the Kuru dynasty had an heir.

Vyasa agreed, but he was a sage living for long in the forest, and so was quite unkempt and frightening in his appearance.?

As a result, when Vyasa approached?Ambika?to bless her with a child, she was so frightened by his appearance that she?closed her eyes?out of fear and disgust. As a result, the son born from their union,?Dhritarashtra, was blind from birth.

Later, when Vyasa approached Ambika’s sister?Ambalika, she, too, was terrified but didn’t close her eyes. However, she turned pale with fear, and as a result, her son?Pandu?was born with a pale complexion and frail health. (Vyasa was, in a way, grandfather of Pandavas and Kauravas).

Satyavati again sent Vyasa to Ambika to give birth to another son, but this time, Ambika sent a maid to her place. The maid was not afraid and treated Vyasa with respect, and as a result, she gave birth to a wise and healthy son,?Vidura.

In all the 3 cases, their mothers’ actions defined the sons’ lives and their subsequent personalities. The actions and decisions of the mothers manifested in their descendants.?

-—?Gautam Gambhir the ‘invisible’

2nd April 2011. India was chasing a target of 275 set by Sri Lanka in the World Cup final at Wankhede Stadium. But it got into trouble early on, with Sehwag gone for 0 and Sachin Tendulkar for just 18.?With India at 31/2 in a high-pressure situation,?Gautam Gambhir?walked into bat. Then came Virat Kohli and then Dhoni.?

Result: India won the World Cup after 28 years!

Those of you who recall witnessing history being created would mostly remember Dhoni hitting that final ‘six’ that got us the match. His unbeaten 91 made him the star of the match - and immortal as the ‘protagonist’ on that night, in the eyes of the Indian Cricket fans!

But how many of us remember the innings of 97 by Gambhir? His consistent batting with great composure, absorbing pressure in a situation when India was on the verge of ‘losing it all’ and then partnering with Virat Kohli and Dhoni - usually is not talked about as much.?

His innings weren’t as glamorous as Dhoni’s innings. And he did not hit the winning runs.?

But what Gambhir did was lay the foundation for India’s historic chase, even though it went under-appreciated by many.?

In his own way, Gautam Gambhir was the ‘invisible leader’ behind the win!

-— Dad Brain -??‘Culture’ Imitation by Descendants and ‘Invisible’ Leadership??

On the one hand, the behavior of parents, their ‘culture’, got passed on to the next generation (Dhritarashtra, Pandu, and Vidur). On the other hand, Gambhir’s innings went ‘invisible’ behind others, as they were overshadowed by others who felt THEY won the match for India!

Just like startups - where on one hand, the senior founding team’s behavior manifests in the rest of the team (’descendants’ in a way, metaphorically speaking).?If you are enthusiastic and high on energy, the others would be excited as well. And if you gossip, the rest of the team will too.?Everything gets manifested as juniors imitate seniors. And ‘Culture’ is nothing but imitating those around you.?

On the other hand,?when it comes to leadership, the best ones play in a way that is not noticeable to others.?

This is very aptly described in?“The Four Levels of Taoist Leadership.” -?The first level is your employees hate you. The second level is your employees fear you. The third level is when your employees praise you. The fourth level, you’re invisible because your organization takes care of itself.

When the Master governs, the people are hardly aware that he exists. The next best is a leader who is loved. Next, one who is feared. The worst is one who is despised.

The Master doesn’t talk, he acts. When his work is done, the people say, ‘Amazing: we did it, all by ourselves!’”

If you carefully notice, two traits define the leaders - one that defines ‘culture’ - either from a position of ‘strength’ or a position of ‘trust’, and the other defines ‘selfless enabling’ from a position of ‘security’.

Both these traits are together exhibited in what scientists call as ‘Dad brain’?

This is because fathers play a dual role - both a position of ‘strength’ as well as providing ‘security’ to the family.

You can create a culture of ‘fear’ with your strength or you can create a culture of ‘trust’ by making your kids talk to you about their worries and insecurities. At the same time, fathers also help you take risks and also deal with failure by making you feel ‘secure’, so that when you succeed, you feel that you are the ones behind it.?

In the startup ecosystem, without sounding paternalistic or patronizing, the leaders tend to have the ‘dad brain’.?

Incidentally, as research has shown, the role of a father is mostly ‘invisible’. Dads are usually dispensable. There is a lot of literature on the impact of ‘absent dads’ but little on ‘involved dads’. But as Anna Machin says, “it takes a whole village to raise a child, but right at the center of the village is the father.”

-— True Elements ----

At True Elements , both Sreejith Moolayil and I have been building our ‘dad brains’ over the past decade or so. We learned to use both ‘strength’ and ‘trust’ intermittently. Both might have our own styles, but being fathers helped us, both professionally and personally, to ‘share and reapply’ our learnings.?

And the fact that most of our colleagues are professionally brilliant just makes us feel proud of how they have shaped up!

In Summary, use the ‘dad brain’ to drive culture and skills in your team. Use your position of strength as well as trust.?Instead of being invincible, maybe being invisible helps others more, as your team?imitates the culture and builds ‘skills’ invisibly.

For the ‘invincibles’ who are moving around with a stick in their hand, remember the stick might just be behind you,

for the ‘invisibles’ cheering for their teams to win their own World Cups, STFU!

P.S. Dedication:?My Dad would have turned 68 yesterday. The good part is, he doesn’t get older anymore in our memories! So we celebrate his birthday every year with a smile on our faces, knowing that we still continue to imitate him. We also believe that what ‘we’ are is because of our own efforts, but we know deep inside, who our ‘invisible’ champion cheerleader has been.?

Thanks for giving us the ‘dad brain’ Dad! Happy Birthday!

References - Book - Hidden Genius, Youtube - We need to change the conversation about fathers | Anna Machin, Google Images