Stereotyping Body Language
Vikas Joshi
Founder | Quality Enthusiast | Team Builder | Test Automation Architect | Public Speaker | Author
(Background: YouTube suggested How to read body-language video)
How many people especially in Management have done course or watched videos, read article or read best-selling books- to judge a person by their body-language?
My personal take is you can't stereotype a person based on their body language or you can't always judge one person based on someone else's behavior.
While few signs may be common, but each individual is different.
The videos or courses are as flawed as the anything else - it is said even a stopped/broken clock is also right 2 times a day.
While it's ok to read bodily signs/unspoken communication and decide your next step.
What's wrong is those who take these videos/courses/books/articles to next level, by considering them as absolute source of truth.
What's more interesting is the more you watch these videos, read books, then more you follow them - subliminally, sub-consciously.
For example (Myths):
- If a person is with folded arms - he/she is holding back something, closed/hiding.
- If someone is saying "trust me" , that person is not to be trusted.
- Touches the nose - person is lying
- If someone is not maintaining an eye-contact, he/she is lying - it's time to get the truth out/interrogate.
Imagine if the speaker has seen the same video, done the same course & follows it, it will be interesting situation because now the speaker will make an eye-contact without touching the nose & lying on the face :-) while the listener will take him/her as a truthful person!
Underlying presumption in such books/videos is that the person's body-language is involuntary, but isn't body-language something that can be easily manipulated, thus, making the whole exercise refutable?
The body language courses are usually created with a certain set of people in mind & outcome is usually skewed. Report is made to look like one-size fits all or rather the (novice) reader understands it that way. Thereby stereotyping every one.
The more you judge a person, more you try to read the body language - don't forget the other person is also observing you & probability is that he/she is better at judging you - this judging or body-reading process will call for a restrictive behavior/responses from the other side thus hindering your ability to connect to that person.
A good body-language reader is one who can see things much beyond what the course/video/book has to say.
- Background of a person
- Personal situation (Social, Cultural, Physical, Mental & more)
- Environment (if it's cold and person has folded hands!)
- Context of the talk
- Setup: Online/Personal
"When on a video conference call: Maintain eye contact by looking at the camera, not necessarily the screen. " Really?
- What is the reader's body-language when speaking to the one being read? - What the reader is reading is dependent on the reader himself/herself.
Real ability is to connect to the person, understand their situation & an intuitive ability to get it right.
While body can be subjected to many physical, environmental conditions, mind is also subjected to various conditions - thus to get to know someone, one has to be mature enough to get a holistic picture & requires a human touch that can be developed only through compassion- something that can't be learnt through a video but only be learnt by interacting with people.
No book or video can teach you how to connect to people. You have to learn it by shedding your personal ego, judgmental tendencies & sit with the person, hear his/her story in a way that he/she likes to tell & then let your heart do the talking...
Next time you are in a communication, stop judging people especially based on their body-language, instead connect with them :-)
With COVID, everything going online, how would you read body-language or rather "connect" with people, online? Not to forget face-masks - how to judge person with just eyes visible, if there is an itchy nose, adjusts the mask etc...
Time to update those body-language courses, videos, books & people who follow them :-)
(Something so simple yet to so intricate to understand & explain. So, I wonder how good the online courses work-out? While the content can be present online, but how about the intent? Doesn't it take a knowledgeable human to guide a person to impart knowledge in it's entirety? Providing information online and leaving the interpretation to the listener without sufficient feedback can be as dangerous. - my next topic)
(Images used are not mine & belong to their respective copyright owners, they are just used for non-commercial, illustrative purpose)
If you have any doubt, question, comment with this article please feel free to ask me to get the right perspective.