Step Out Of The Frame

It's hard to see the big picture when your standing in the middle of the frame

Have you ever had an interaction with someone who couldn't seen anything past themselves? I interacted with someone like this recently and I must say that it was challenging to listen to them, especially when they don't even acknowledge that you exist in their world. After sitting down for an hour and listening to their stories of "me, myself and more of me". I realized that some people truly have a perspective that does not include anyone else but themselves.

I wish I could say that I have never been this person, but it happens more often than I like think. Maybe you have been in my shoes. You're sitting, listening to someone tell their story of their recent vacation to the coast, and as listen, you find yourself remembering your coast trip from three years ago. Your mouth waters, you wait to prey on any spare second of silence, when finally your opportunity comes. You see the silence and pounce... "I WENT TO THE COAST THREE YEARS AGO! It was amazing, we surfed, we got Ice-cream cones..." Without even knowing we have highjacked the person's story and made it our own.

Im sure this has never happened to you... I believe most people aren't even aware that they do it.

Three things learned about story-hijacking:

1. When I find myself thinking about what I'm going to say next in the conversation, I have already assumed the pouncing position. I have stopped listening and I have decided that the person speaking doesn't not have anything important to say.
2. When I bring in my own event experience into the conversation, I perceive that I am connecting/relating with the person, but what I am really doing is telling them that my experience is better than theirs and that their story isn't that great.
3. When I listen and ask more questions, I connect better than if I were to sit and compare experiences with the person I am visiting.

It doesn't matter if you are talking with a business colleague, a friend or someone in your family... If you are more concentrated on yourself than the other person, you will miss the bigger picture. CONNECTING! 

Four Ways to help you combat Story Hijacking:

1. Zip it! This can be hard from some people more than others, to keep quiet and listening to someone telling their story. Try it though. See how far you can go in a conversation without talking. Nod, smile, laugh, give a concerned face, give a "Hmmm" or an "ahhh". You will be surprise just how far a conversation can go without you interjecting.
2. Travel somewhere else. If you have a similar experience to the person you are talking with, move to a different subject rather than building off of their experience. By allowing them to be the focal point of their life, they will feel respected and understood.
3. Ask for more. When a person is telling you their story, they want to know that you are interested. What better way to show someone you are interested in them, than by asking questions. The more questions you ask the better the interaction. Here are some simple example questions: Why did you do that? What else did you do? What was that like? How did you feel about that?
4. Ducktape - If all else fails... Use an adhesive to keep your lips from moving. If it sounds silly, it's because it is. We all have the ability to control what our mouths do, so let's exercise that control.

When we no longer see ourselves as the focus of the world, our relationships improve and our environment begins to look more vibrant and colorful than it had before. Wherever you find yourself today in the picture of your life, step out of the frame and experience the full beauty of your life.