Stemming the Tide of Political Violence

A Message to You

For anyone who’s feeling discouraged or dealing with difficult times, the answer isn’t to become despondent, but to recognize that we’re all Americans, and to incorporate a kinder, gentler mindset toward one another. It doesn’t matter which side of the aisle you’re on—we’re all in search of a more perfect union, which can only be achieved together. One way to come together in a healing capacity is through the work of political forgiveness: Within this framework we can learn to really see each other, hear each other, and value each other. The more we practice the skills of releasing grievance and anger, the more we become the solution to what's taking place in this country.

What Can You Do?

Being supportive of one another doesn’t mean you endorse their political beliefs—only that you support them as a human being. Think of someone you wouldn’t normally reach out to and practice five small kindnesses every day. How would you feel at the end of a week? How would it be if we all practiced this small gesture?

Stemming the Tide of Political Violence

On Saturday, July 13, 2024, there was an attempted assassination on former president Donald Trump while he was speaking at a campaign rally just a few days before the Republican National Convention. Fortunately, the former president’s face, bloodied from a bullet grazing his ear, was not seriously injured as he was rushed off the stage. A few hours later President Joe Biden forcefully condemned political violence and appealed to a nation reeling from the assassination attempt. In a primetime address Biden said, “Americans must strive for national unity,” warning that the political rhetoric has become “too heated.”?

“There is no place in America for this kind of violence—for any violence. Ever. Period. No exception. We can’t allow this violence to be normalized.” Biden spoke of the rising tide of political violence, saying, “We cannot, we must not go down this road in America.” Even blusterous Trump said that he is re-writing his nomination speech to bring “the whole country, even the whole world, together, adding that the reality of what had happened was “just setting in.”?

In these times where many people feel so hopeless that it feels like we are falling into an abyss, that nothing can be done to stop this downward spiral of discontent, the work of political forgiveness can bring us hope. It is not always easy to go beyond our anxieties, our fears and our feelings of outrage at what is taking place in our country. The question is, have we lost sight of who we are as Americans?

We do not realize that as citizens we have the power and the ability to repair our nation, that we cannot give up on our democracy, despite our frustration. We have entered a time in our country where it seems OK to dehumanize each other, where challenges create more polarization and leadership of both parties has so much contempt for one another they can’t come together to work out common problems.

Yet, this doesn’t have to be the whole story — but it does requires all of us to participate, and it requires all of us to sit down with one another, have a willingness to be civil with one another and to do the necessary healing within oneself so we can be present with one another. If we are willing to come together in a healing capacity, which is what a political forgiveness framework can provide, we can become part of the solution to turn this country around. And we must become part of the solution if we want to stop this political violence.

If we allow ourselves to become more vulnerable with each other and learn how to be safe with one another through a political forgiveness process we can gain a better understanding of what went wrong and begin to think in a clearer way how we can come together as a community, as a nation. We simply cannot afford to blame one another, to believe that our country is beyond repair and that our corrupt leaders and institutions can take away our power. Together we can heal this fractured county.

It doesn’t matter what side of the aisle you are on because, like it or not, we are all in search of a more perfect union which can only be done together. Political forgiveness can elevate rather than harden our politics—politics which should be a means for solving problems and finding justice. We are living through critical times, and if we want to stop this downward spiral it will require all of us to participate in a way where we abandon our contempt for politics and for each other. Political forgiveness allows for a more civil and productive way of interacting with one another and a political forgiveness process can serve as inspiration to become more involved in this American experiment we call democracy.?

From My Desk

ARTICLE: Will Violence Become Part of American Politics?

At a time when it often seems our country is split into polarized realities, is the assassination attempt on Donald Trump a harbinger of more political violence? This article compares this recent incident to riots, racial strife and assassinations of past decades. In a hopeful sign, both President Biden and Speaker Mike Johnson have called for lowering the temperature on hostilities between their two parties.

ARTICLE: Biden Urges US to Reject ‘Extremism and Fury’ After Trump Assassination Attempt

Soon after the attack on Trump, President Biden took to the airwaves in a call for unity, saying that in America we settle our difference at the “ballot box” and “not with bullets.” “Politics must never be a literal battlefield or, God forbid, a literal killing field … Remember: though we may disagree, we are not enemies.”

VIDEO: How America has Reacted to Past Presidential Assassination Attempts

After the assassination of John F. Kennedy in 1963, Lyndon Johnson stood before Congress and said, “Let us use this moment to put an end to the preaching of hate and evil and violence and remember that we are one people. If that happens now, we can use this event to make our country better.” In this video, presidential historian Michael Beschloss reflects on how assassination attempts can either divide or unite us. This could be a moment that elevates our country, if we follow the best lessons in American history.

PHOTO: The Spirit of Mutual Support and Sportsmanship

Joy, laughter, and sportsmanship have their place in a political forgiveness process — for inspiration look no further than the Paris Olympics. After a fiercely contested gymnastics competition, two Team USA medalists, Simone Biles and Jordan Chiles, playfully bowed to competitor Rebeca Andrade of Brazil, who took home the gold in the women’s floor exercise. In politics, we can also campaign and disagree as opponents but unite in the end to celebrate democracy and the will of the people.

Deeper Moment

We are all in a search of a more perfect union, which can only be done together. If we want to stop this downward spiral, it will require all of us to abandon our contempt for politics and for each other. One person who understands contempt, has studied it at length and brought attention to it in the context of personal relationships, is Dr. John Gottman. Awareness of contempt—and especially its antidotes: listening, humility, honor and respect—are all part of a political forgiveness process. At a time when almost half of Americans believe we’re headed for a national divorce, what can we learn from the marriage expert about the corrosive effects of this crucial emotion?

‘Why Contempt is so Destructive and Dangerous’

“When you communicate with contempt, the results can be cruel. Treating others with disrespect and mocking them with sarcasm and condescension are forms of contempt. So are hostile humor, name-calling, mimicking, and body language such as eye-rolling and sneering. In whatever form, contempt is poisonous to a relationship because it conveys disgust and superiority, especially moral, ethical, or characterological. Contempt, simply put, says, “I’m better than you. And you are lesser than me.” Why contempt is so destructive and dangerous: Contempt is fueled by long-simmering negative thoughts about one’s partner, and it arises in the form of an attack on someone’s sense of self. Inevitably, contempt leads to more conflict—particularly dangerous and destructive forms of conflict—rather than to reconciliation. It’s virtually impossible to resolve a problem when your partner is getting the message that you’re disgusted with them and that you’re condescending and acting as their superior.”

To read the entire article go to the Gottman blog.