Steering a boat to its destination in calm waters

Words, when used right, consciously and with complete responsibility, act like keys, unlocking insights and solutions hidden deep within us, as well as within others.

However, the impact of the words do not come from the words themselves.

How words impact a conversation arises from many other factors - factors from beyond the visible, tangible, perceptible domain.

This was demonstrated time and again by Milton H Erickson,? a legendary psychiatrist and hypnotist who transformed the field of communication in therapy.?Erickson believed, and constantly, demonstrated that the words we use—and how we use them—shape our reality and influence our inner and outer worlds, as well as those of others.

Instead of simply talking to his clients, he spoke?with them, employing subtle language, metaphors, and stories to bypass resistance and help them tap into their own resources for change.

His approach demonstrated the profound power of communication as a tool not just for exchanging information, but for transforming lives. Even for getting through to accomplish what he wanted to accomplish in a conversation.

As we explore the art of communication, Erickson’s legacy invites us to see each conversation as an opportunity to connect, to influence, and to inspire change at the deepest level.

Milton Erickson had a gift, a fabled ability to lead people into a trance as effortlessly as a river flows to the sea. With words woven like silk and a voice as gentle as a whispering wind, he would tell stories—simple, unassuming tales that seemed to meander without destination, yet always found their way to the heart of his listener. As he spoke, his words wrapped around his listeners like a soft cloak, warm and familiar, guiding them quietly to a place within themselves they might have forgotten.

In this space, the conscious mind would loosen its grip, drifting like a leaf upon still waters, while the deeper, hidden self would awaken and listen with new ears.

His stories were not merely tales; they were keys disguised as metaphors, bridges that spanned the gap between pain and peace, between old wounds and new possibilities.

Gently, without command or force, Erickson's voice would lead his listeners to a place where healing could begin—not imposed from without, but stirred from within, like embers rekindled in the dark.

Under his spell, fears would soften, doubts would dissolve, and insights would bloom, as if coaxed by the warmth of his words. Erickson’s trances were not escapes from reality; they were journeys back to the true self—a place where the answers waited quietly, like seeds in the earth, ready to grow. In his presence, healing felt like remembering something precious that had always been there, a forgotten strength, a hidden resilience, a long-lost peace. Through his stories, he gave each soul the gentle permission to heal itself.

Understanding Milton Erickson in-depth opens up a whole new world to what we could accomplish through right communication.

Erickson's Magic Wand of Words

Today, scholars and therapists alike are captivated by the enigmatic beauty of Milton Erickson’s therapeutic stories, trying to decode the subtle linguistic patterns that made his work so transformative. A lot has been dissected and analyzed, and many a new paradigm created in terms of linguistic patterns, embedded commands, indirect suggestions. Whole new fields of therapy using language patterns have evolved to duplicate the feats that Milton achieved.

If it were only about linguistic structure, specific words, and the ways of delivering and articulating them, then anybody could pick up his dialogs, and with sufficient rehearsal, succeed in creating the same impact that he did.

However, as much obsessed we might be about the appearances and the tangibles, it is never the visible or the audible that creates the results that we do. The mystery of everything in the Universe resides in what is not seen. The energy, the consciousness, the vibes we bring into a communication is what primarily determines the trajectory and the outcome of the process.

Erickson's magic wand of communication didn't exist in the words he used, but it was there right within Erickson himself.

For example, consider this very famous example from the repertoire of Erickson's legendary stories.

There would often be occasions when a person who went through a session of therapy would come up to him and would tell him that they didn't feel anything during the session.

If you gave a therapy session to someone and he came up to you and told you that he didn't feel anything at all, how would you respond?

The magic is not in the visible, but in the invisible

We all have known people, either directly, indirectly, or even in public arena or fiction, who have a mighty presence. They influence a lot just by showing up.

The compulsive analyzers and trivializers always succeed in finding some formula around body language, dressing, and multiple other factors but we know that just by emulating a body language, a tonality, a dressing, a dialog, we cannot always create the same effect as some people can.

The crux of any communication lies not with the visible, audible and tangible factors but with threads that are invisible, inaudible and intangible.

Although Milton Erickson has been analyzed threadbare about the linguistic structures he utilized, but we usually do not want to acknowledge that there is something within the dynamics of a conversation that is much more than what meets our eyes and ears.

The greatest power of Milton Erickson was - he never created a resistance or a pushback in the recipient of his communication.

Through his infinitely calm demeanour that was never ruffled, he made sure not to create unnecessary ripples in others. If somebody already came to him with ripples, he knew how to diffuse their disturbance to bring to a quiet, collected, sedate state.

What Milton Erickson did was not to push or pull, but to steer his audience into the direction he wanted them to go to. He did it in such a non-invasive, non-intrusive way that people were in complete acceptance and allowance of whatever he was telling them.

Erickson did not only help people with emotional therapies, but he could even heal quite a few psychosomatic diseases in his patients through his hypnotic story-telling. Once, he cured a child of bedwetting by leading him into a trance through a story — a story that had nothing to do with bedwetting itself, but everything to do with the child’s inner world.

The boy was deeply embarrassed by his condition, but direct advice or instructions might only heighten his shame and amplify his resistance. So, Erickson took a different path. He told the boy a story:

A young baseball player who wanted to make it to the big leagues but faced one big challenge: he kept missing the signals from his coach. To play well, Erickson explained, this player had to learn to pay close attention, especially to the signals that came at just the right moments—signals that might be quiet, almost secret, but held the key to his success.

He also described in intricate details about how he needed to syncronize?his different muscles in order to always be able to catch the ball at the right moments.?

By speaking about a sport that the child was excited about and would have wanted to master it, by drawing parallels with the mental skills required to master his sport of choice, Erickson helped the boy's subconscious mind to step up to the need for accentuating its ability to be more aware of the 'signals', and coordinating the muscles well to gain finer control of the body processes.

Erickson didn’t mention bedwetting at all; he didn’t have to. Instead, he planted an idea within the boy's mind—the importance of attentiveness and noticing signals when they came. The boy’s subconscious absorbed the message, interpreting it in his own way. Soon after, the child began to wake up during the night when his body signaled it was time to go to the bathroom, just like the baseball player who learned to recognize his coach’s cues.

In the process, after having led him to the trance, he also trained his muscles to be in syncronization and in control.?

It is important to note that Erickson's stories were not the same as fables and parables we often hear from the pulpits and pedestals. Erickson didn't share a story overloaded with morals. He didn't discuss the implications of the story and then exhort his listeners to absorb and apply the morals of the story and make an effort improve themselves.

Erickson's stories communicated directly with the subconscious of his listener, creating a transformation in the listener directly, in the real-time, as he narrated his stories.

Erickson's healing stories are well-documented and an almost accurate reconstruction of the story available in various archives.

How probable do you think is that one can memorize these stories and create identical outcomes as Erickson did?

It's all beyond the words

Most of the communication that we come across in our daily lives involve a lot of push and pull.

Every push and pull creates either a holding back or a push back from the recipient of the communication, ups all their defences, generates a sense of uncertainty, insecurity or an assault to their self-respect and their subconscious gets into full action to protect their sense of self and their sense of identity.

When we generate too many ripples in a communication, the essence, the impact and the effectiveness of the message is lost. It gets the recipient of the communication fully involved in handling the entire chain of emotions that have been triggered in the process.

How easy is it to row a boat to a desired destination amidst extreme torrents and turbulence?

Often, the problems in communication can be traced more to over-communication rather than to under-communication.

?In order to shoot an arrow at its target, an archer has to focus on two-fold goals :

1) reduce all the factors that would interfere with the shot or the movement of the arrow. This could involve getting the equipment to be steady and sturdy, and avoid too much of turbulence in the environment around.

Shooting in an area with a lot of whirlwind is never going to let the archer shoot at the desired target.

2) shoot with a sufficiently high degree of accuracy.

The lack of turbulence is a necessary condition but not enough to hit the target.

An effective communication needs to take care of both these factors. We need to ensure that we do not generate unnecessary ripples, and we need to ensure that our message addresses the points we intend to convey with a great degree of accuracy.

Steering to your destination in calm waters

When a patient, who reached out to Erickson to tell him that he didn't experience anything, Erickson would respond - 'yeah, most people do not experience much in their first session'.

There were many things that Erickson accomplished through this simple statement.

The highlight of this statement was that it didn't trigger any negative response or a pushback from the patient. He didn't invalidate their experience. He didn't tell them how others experienced so much right in the first session. He didn't tell them to be patient and not have unrealistic expectations.?He didn't inform them that Rome was not built in a day and that great things need time to be accomplished.

He just ensured that the patients remain in still, placid, tranquil waters and steered them into the direction he wanted them to go to.

He completed acknowledged their lack of any 'sensation' without making them wrong about it.

He also substantiated their experience by bringing in validation from the identical experience that others had as well.

And within all this, he indirectly opened doors for a second or a third experience

Erickson's style was subtle. He indirectly caused the patient to visualize about the possibilities of a more positive experience in future sessions.

Rather than saying it out loud himself, he created the relevant images in their minds and allow their minds to visualize it on their own accord.

Another famous response of Erickson in such situations was - 'Not consciously, perhaps'.

This brief response was classic Erickson, gently suggesting that even if the patient wasn’t aware of any immediate changes, the unconscious mind might have already started processing something beneath the surface. Erickson indicated that therapeutic change often happens subtly, in layers, without saying out loud in so many words.

Erickson always used words as a steering mechanism, by leading the recipient's mind to the direction he intended them to move to.

He never made a hard attempt to make people feel good. He never went into a verbose explanation of why they should change their feelings, beliefs, emotions or perpsective towards anything. He let them be. He gave them the time and space to process their own emotions.

He understood well that every negative emotion is a transitory, fleeting turbulence, which if allowed to be, would settle down in no time. He ensured not to ruffle up feathers any more than they were always ruffled, but instead, ensured to bring them to a poised and unperturbed state, while steering their minds to a certain direction with precise, specific, accurate words.

While it is tempting to get caught into the mesh of the linguistic structure that Erickson was using, what really enabled Erickson to create the results he did came from his ability to create a zero-resistance conversation combined with his ability to steer the conversation in the direction he wanted through an accurate choice of words.

Communication finds its true power not in forceful pushes or pulls, but in the subtle art of guiding each interaction with effortless grace, allowing words to flow toward their purpose.

The goal isn't to pressure or sway the conscious mind but to gently influence others at a deeper level, bypassing all the resistance and pushbacks and objections of the conscious mind. It's about reach out to the hidden depths where genuine understanding and connection take root.

There, beneath what we openly express, lies the wellspring of true meaning. With a gentle touch, like the current of a quiet stream, real influence flows naturally, reaching the heart without force—pure, subtle, and lasting.

The usual course we take in any communication to convince a person sufficiently at the conscious level, and then expect the person to cause the necessary changes within his own inner self to be congruent to what he has understood consciously.

We know well that we cannot influence our subconscious by force. We might be extremely convinced by something, but it be an impossible task to get our conscious convictions to trickle down to the deeper corners in our mind.

Communication is most effective when it is inside-out.

The target of an effective communication is not the conscious mind, but deeper levels of a person's being.

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