Is staying together for the kids the right choice?

Deciding to split with a partner is (almost) always a tough call. Adding kids to the mix makes it that much tougher. Many parents choose to endure an unhappy relationship until their children are grown, thinking it’s always best to keep the family unit intact. This decision, while certainly noble, can have some serious downsides.?

What Really Matters to Kids

Living in conflict is never easy. Whether it’s overt arguments, subtle sarcasm, or just a chill in the air, the tension doesn’t go unnoticed. Children are especially sensitive to their parents’ emotions and can often sense unhappiness. A tense environment can teach them the wrong lessons about relationships, which can then carry over into adulthood.?

It’s not necessarily the fact that parents live under the same roof that influences children, it’s the amount of conflict they witness. High conflict environments can lead to significant emotional and psychological stress for children, which may manifest in negative behaviors like substance abuse, delinquency and more.?

Managing Co-parenting

Once parents decide to separate, managing conflict can actually become more challenging. You might find your influence over your now-former partner’s actions decreases. Sometimes by a lot. It’s crucial, however, to maintain a peaceful front. Even small things like a Darth Vader death march ringtone for your co-parent or rolling your eyes at a text message from them can be picked up by your child. And that looks and feels like conflict. After all, they love both their parents.?

It’s essential to shield your child from discord as much as possible. Reserve your (maybe well-deserved) venting for when they’re not around, so their environment remains as peaceful as possible.