Staying connected while isolated

If ‘social distancing’ isn’t at least considered for ‘Word of the Year 2020’, I’ll be stunned. A phrase many of us probably hadn’t heard of until 10 weeks ago, we now talk about social distancing like it’s second nature.

With our lives now so interwoven with the concept of social distancing, it’s easy to brush over what the phrase really means. As we diligently queue on assigned 2m spots and pay for groceries at every other partitioned self check-out, the question remains – are we actually socially distant?

I’m tempted to say no. For me, at the initial point of lockdown especially, there was an outpouring of ‘just checking in!’ messages and scheduled video chats with friends from years gone by. I joked that my social life had never been busier.

I advocate the reframing of ‘physical distancing’. In many ways, we are fortunate that #COVID19 is happening now – in an era when being physically distant does not have to mean socially distant. For many, staying connected has arguably never been easier.

For the internet poor, technologically illiterate or those lacking family or community networks, I recognise that this time of isolation is a challenge. Loneliness can feel crippling (and is cited as one of the main reasons for the UK's recent introduction of 'support bubbles'.) It falls to the rest of us to make a concerted effort to provide points of connection; a phone call or postcard requires little effort, but could be the highlight of someone’s day.

My three diarised Zoom calls a week, too many WhatsApp groups to keep track of, and family who FaceTime easily are undoubtedly a blessing. I’ve never been so connected to my in-laws’ extended family – and online Friday night quizzing with friends is the highlight of my week.

But – is it just me, or is staying connected in this way… tiring? Human beings are relational – and maintaining relationships through a screen is hard. It requires more effort than normal. The concentration required to focus on a fuzzy screen and poor connection leaves me physically tired and frustrated. The constant feeling of being ‘together but not quite’ is emotionally draining.

So whilst I do not take for granted the privilege it is to stay connected when others struggle to do so, I’m also trying to let go of the pressure to stay connected 24/7. With just myself and my husband at home, these months of physical distancing provide a unique opportunity for my introverted self to enjoy restful alone time, and let go of the pressure to say 'yes' to every social event out of obligation or politeness.

If, like me, you’re feeling Zoom-fatigued, I’d suggest it’s ok to balance staying connected with saying ‘no’ to that virtual pub crawl.