Is Staying in a Bad Marriage Slowly Killing You?
Karen Covy, Divorce Coach, Recovering Lawyer
Coaching High Net Worth Professionals to Make Tough Personal Decisions with Confidence & to Divorce w/Less Conflict & Unnecessary Expense | Best Friend to Overworked Divorce Attorneys| Legal Futurist & AI Enthusiast
Staying in a bad marriage can be hell for a lot of reasons.
You’re not happy. You feel like you always have to walk on eggshells. Your life is not where you want it to be, and you can’t help but wonder, “Is this all there is?!”
You feel like you’re living a lie.
On some level, you’re probably embarrassed that you let things go for so long. At the same time, the thought of getting a divorce ties your stomach in knots.
You don’t want to live like you’re living. But, you’re not sure you’re ready to turn your whole life upside down.
You’re afraid of hurting your kids.?You’re worried about your finances and you don’t want to pay thousands of dollars (or tens of thousands of dollars!) to divorce lawyers.
Most of all, you don’t want to make a mistake.
So, you do nothing. You wait for “a better time.”
The truth is: You’re stuck.
While it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that living in limbo can suck the life out of you, most people don’t realize just how true that statement can be.
Science has shown that staying in a bad marriage can (quite literally) kill you.
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The Science of Relationships
Everyone knows that staying in an unhappy marriage is stressful. But you might be surprised by how much being in a bad marriage affects your health and well-being.
Researchers have found that?people in unhappy marriages are at higher risk for depression, high blood pressure and heart disease . They also?don’t heal as well ?after an injury or illness.
What’s more, if you are unhappily married, it’s not just your physical health that suffers.?Unhappily married people also suffer from lower self-esteem ?and higher psychological distress than their happily married counterparts.
For those whose marriages are not simply unhappy, but rise to the level of being considered “toxic,” the negative physical and mental effects of their bad marriage are even more pronounced.
A Michigan State University study showed that there is a?34% increase in the rate of heart problems for those involved in toxic relationships. ?Another study showed that those who live in constant conflict are likely to die 11 years sooner than those who experience less conflict.
In short, staying in an unhappy marriage can be as?unhealthy as smoking or drinking .
And it’s not just your physical health that takes a hit. As Gottman Institute certified couples’ therapist Carrie Cole states, “Staying in a seriously unhappy marriage can have long-term effects on our mental and emotional health. ”
Here are 10 ways that staying in a bad marriage can negatively affect your health.
Contractor at Maer Murphy Inc
2 个月Staying in an unhappy marriage for almost 35 years is slowly killing me. I suffer from depression, anxiety and gastrointestinal issues. Every morning I cry before getting out of bed. I've even contemplated suicide but know that I could never go through with it as I am a mother to two amazing grown sons. My problem is we are in a bad place financially and can't afford to divorce. I have no family or friends to turn to for help. I am the very definition of trapped. My husband is also an alcoholic.
Owner at The Family Law Italy - Law Office
1 年actually LIFE is slowly killing me: my 37 years' matrimony is only a little piece of the problem.
Seattle family law attorney (Fair Play Facilitator), Mom/Step-Mom of 6 - Transforming families through divorce, estate planning and pre-nuptials. Leadership, data, marketing, law firm consulting are my other passions.
1 年I do NOT recommend staying in a bad marriage. You deserve to be happy too, and your children deserve to have two happy parents. The key is embracing positive co-parenting so the children get the best of their parents and the two homes they provide.
MA Family Law Attorney, Owner at Farias Family Law
1 年Staying in a bad marriage is like being the frog in the pot of water slowly being brought to a boil. When you get a divorce, you are on a clear path.