*Stay Strong and Power Through* isn't a game plan

For most of us, our default response in challenging times is?stay strong and power through.

And sometimes, it?is?the only?response. There are no options. Watching?the news right now, we see this and we feel it hard. The people of Ukraine have no choice but to stay strong and power through. We're in awe of the Leadership and strength we are seeing them show.

Elsewhere, events there are taking their toll too.?

Dare we complain? Not being there in the thick of it??

Barely. But I think we can agree the events of the last weeks have created a threat to stability as we knew it that we're all feeling and carrying with us. Add in the virus that we'd need two weeks to flatten the curve for - um, 2 years ago now - that will not go away; the way we work having radically changed and not yet being clear on how it's going to look, going forward.. well, it is a lot.

If?you're like most women I know, the cycle of?staying positive and?powering through, only to end up crashing and burning out - followed by rally, push and power, crash and burn - rinse and repeat; is very familiar.

'Staying positive' doesn't work

'Staying positive' when you're feeling anything but and?'powering through' even when you're exhausted,?is the emotional equivalent of holding a beachball under water.?

With a lot of force and effort, you?can?do it...but only for so long. Sooner or later, that?beach ball is going to jump?up and hit you smack?in the face. A full blown meltdown is what happens next.

So you gather yourself up to start again and?you?can?push it back down again with a lot of effort, you try your hardest to hold it under...but sooner or later, it's bouncing back up into your face....again. Meltdown.

Can you relate?

Resisting what is?really?going on for us by insisting we stay positive?or powering through?is like sticking your fingers in your ears and singing 'Lalalalalala' when your mind is saying:

?I need a rest

?I feel anxious

?I'm worried about what's coming next

That tiredness, anxiety, fear or worry doesn't 'go away' just because we've drowned it out.?

If you've ever told a worried child 'Don't worry' or an upset child to 'Just calm down', you know this first hand.

What helps?

The Irish playwright, George?Bernhard Shaw said:

???????????????'I do not know what I think until I write it'

This is true for us all. Writers or not. As the thinkers of our thoughts, we don't know that it's the thoughts we're thinking that cause us to feel the way we do. Like Fish don't know they're in Water, we don't realise we're in our thoughts... until we see it.

Anxiety, worry, spinning out, frustration, avoidance....these are all feelings created by our thinking.

It makes so much sense to understand what these thoughts are. Not to 'get positive' but just to get a perspective, an awareness that we're in water as opposed to 'this just being the way things are'.

If you don't do it?already, I highly recommend starting a practice of journalling.

Did you just roll your eyes?

I get it. For very many years, the word journalling immediately conjured up pictures of the girls of Sweet Valley High with fluffy purple pens and glittery pink notebooks. Absurd and not for the likes of me.

Stay with me, though. Journalling isn't frivolous. It's simply a process?writing out your thoughts?on a piece of paper. Just so you can see them. It isn't effective to do this in your head for the same reason as the fish in water doesn't see the water. It needs to come out of the water to realise it was in it.

A thought is simply a sentence in your brain. Journalling helps you access what you are thinking by getting those sentences out on paper.

If it feels more accessible call it a thought download or a brain dump.

Here's how to do it

1. Write. Set a timer on your phone for 5 minutes and start writing out directly from your head what it is you're thinking in a stream of consciousness - that means without thinking too much about it. Don't censor, don't?judge, just write.You will see?exactly?why you're feeling the way you do?when you start writing because our thoughts create our feelings. But as the thinker of our thoughts, we can't see them. I'm stressing this: don't try to do this in your head. Get out your fluffiest purple pen and get at it.
2. Moving from negative to neutral. Once you see the thoughts you're thinking,?you can start working towards feeling better but this most likely?won't immediately look like rainbows and sparkles *positive!*.?It will more likely?first look like?slightly more neutral?than where you are right now - moving from a negative thought to a less charged thought, like this:

From: There's so much to do and I don't know where to start; to

This is what I need to do today (make a list), and the order in which I'm going to do them is (number them)?

From: I can't stand the thoughts of having to speak to this person right now; to

What I need to say is ______(the words you need to say). Saying this is important because______(the outcome you want to achieve).

Don't be tempted to reach for a thought that you cannot actually believe.

?You?know?the difference. You cannot force your brain to believe something it isn't on board with believing by saying it enough times. This is why repeating affirmations?doesn't work.

The new age spiritual movement, #gratitude and #blessed culture would have you reaching from 'I don't know what's coming next and it feels scary' to?'I know what to do today and I'm going to #slayallday'.

It doesn't work and more often has the opposite effect than was intended - the crash and burn cycle.

Sometimes neutral is as far as you can reach.?And that's ok.

Neutral is sustainable. It's an efficient energy release that doesn't feel exhausting.

You'll know when you've reached the thought you're able to believe because how you feel in body will?shift.?Again, it may not be dramatic. But you will feel it shift from anxious to more steady; from overwhelmed to focussed on the next step; from spinning out to clear on the next step.

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Try this out and let me know how you get on. You will be surprised how a small seeming shift can completely change the course of your day and week.

Speak soon,

Aine

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