Stay Puft

Last day at the office

The last day for me was Monday 16th March 2020. I remember this day very well. I had a sense that I wouldn’t be coming into the office again for much longer. I did not expect it to be that day, but I was ready. I had mentally prepared myself for the inevitable. At the weekend I had gone to a restaurant for dinner. I even remember saying it, “won’t be able to do this for much longer”.  My parents (who live in France and already isolating) were very worried about the fact that I was still going into the office.  I was reading the news too and my husband had already been told to work from home (WFH) on the Sunday. I knew it was coming. I knew what I needed to do when I got to the office. I needed to be focused, be ready and Stay Puft.

The journey in was uneventful, but I noticed that there wasn’t the usual amount of people on the DLR. Was a nice change. I walked to the office and I could feel an undercurrent of anxiety. There were still people around, but it didn’t feel the same. I was used to lots of people at this time of the morning, but it just felt odd. I didn’t like it at all. I got to the office and for a time not many people were in. This wasn’t that unusual in itself but that feeling I felt on the way in was now amplified. The atmosphere was not one I had experienced before at the office. It was tense, uneasy, and very quiet. The office does get quiet and the usual way of improving that was to put music on. Strangely, the music was not having its usual effect. I could not concentrate, and I began to feel very aware of where I was. This was no longer a place of creativity, laughter and a sense of belonging. The place where ideas would come to me and I’d be able to share them with others. I was beginning to feel the effects of a big change that I couldn’t see yet but mentally I was already feeling it and trying to adapt. I did not realise it then but looking back I can now see what was happening. This place was not going to be the same again.

I have no idea how much work I got done that day, probably not much at all. My mindset was now shifting to whilst you’re here make the most of it and get what you need. Not my usual mindset at all.  I went out to a supermarket, as it turned out this was also the last time, I would do that – I have not been to a supermarket yet since. I sent a couple of parcels from the post office – also, haven’t done that again since. Everyone else around seemed to have the same idea and the anxiety was now palpable, it was everywhere.

By the afternoon more people were in the office. The anxiety subsided for a couple of hours, but I was still not comfortable. Then, finally, the announcement was made. WFH. My first feeling was one of relief. I didn’t need to be here anymore – that was a weird sensation.  I then started to look at my desk and pedestal - I better clear those out. I was leaving in a sense so there were some things I would need. As I was doing this, I began to feel sad and unsure. What was going to happen now? How would we manage this? I couldn’t think straight. I just wanted to get out. For the first time ever, I didn’t feel safe at the office. I didn’t rush out the door, however. I waited for others to go first. I wasn’t the last person to leave. I took one last long look around and then headed back home.  

Working back home

We are calling it “working remotely” or “working from home”. Both of those are technically true statements but I think this article, published two days after our WFH announcement was made, by Brad Judy titled “It’s pandemic work, not work from home” really summed it up. I used to work remotely, and this is nothing like it. The article also uses the term “Pandemic Security”. An interesting early observation.  

I have never worked during a pandemic before, so my prior remote work experience only helped me a little. Sure, I had the tech; headphones, chair, desk etc, so I was ahead of some others who had to make the switch overnight and did not have a space or place to work from.  The things that had tripped me up working remotely before were now exacerbated. Feeling isolated, cut off, FOMO etc. They quickly came back along with added anxiety and stress from being away from my family and friends. Also, wondering if I too or someone close to me would get the virus. I never had to deal with that WFH before.

I won’t go into the pros and cons of remote working or WFH. I wrote a little thing on that last year. There’s a lot more out there already so have at it! What I will say is that I still think given everything you need to have a mixture or more specifically, employers should now feel empowered to offer this mixture.

The first couple of weeks were tough for me as I am sure they were for others too. I am still going through rollercoasters of feelings. We had to adapt very quickly. I remember feeling exceptionally proud of those in my company. They got on with it, a sentiment I have no doubt felt in other places too.  I realised I needed to pull up my bootstraps as best I could but not forgetting that I also needed to be a real human being.

As the Zoom calls started, I began to see more of those that I worked with on a real human level. I was seeing into their homes, seeing their partners, their children. All of the things that make up them as people. A snapshot into their lives. I am not sure I would see it all that much if we were in the office. I know some of it was out of necessity and at first, I could see that some found it awkward but really it properly showed that work is just a small part of who we are. Those little/big people are part of why we do what we do.  It was a rare privilege for me personally and it helped me to become more open myself.  To date, this is one of my biggest takeaways of pandemic work. Another one is the importance of managing my own mental health. I never really paid much attention to it before which meant I was on the backfoot when waves of emotions would hit me each week. I needed to take care of me before I could support others. I am still working on that. There is also a bunch of stuff out there about coping strategies and what to do if you need help and that it’s ok to feel these things. It’s also important to remember you can’t avoid these feelings. The HBR pushed this little gem out which I love.

Going back to the office

As I write, we are approaching 11 weeks of lockdown. Social distancing measures have started to ease. A couple of weeks back we were looking at plans for returning to work. I have read a bunch of blogs and articles about the “new normal”. We are skipping a step here. We need to be ready for what comes before that. The difficult and awkward part of being back in the office. What does that look like? Safety first will be the priority. There is of course a difference between being safe and being in a comfortable environment.

So many questions….

• How will people even get to work and feel comfortable doing so?
• How will we make sure we are able to create a place of collaboration and innovation in that early stage?
• Does the above even matter in a safety-first environment?
• Are all of us prepared for that day when we see our team mates again in person? Chances are they will be wearing masks, maybe gloves. They may also be two metres apart. We have never worked together that way before.
• How we will manage the hybrid model of people WFH and being in the office?

This has made me think about my Last day in the office. I had mentally prepared myself for that day. I went through so many emotions. The one that bothered me the most was fear. It clouded everything. In that moment I didn’t care about the company culture, the values. Nor did I care or want the training budget, beer fridge, ping pong table, monthly socials, team lunches.  All of things that had been readily provided to make me feel good and secure. I just wanted to leave because the environment had changed.

WFH hasn’t been easy but let’s be honest, we have become used to it to some degree now which means for some of us we have created our own personal places of safety and comfort, free from needing to worry about using hand sanitiser every time we get up. We have been able to find our creativity once again because we know the environment we are operating in. We are familiar with it.

Some of us have not been out to the shops or put ourselves in a position that required being truly alert. We have protected ourselves mentally and physically by keeping our own little spaces of normalcy. We probably don’t even realise it. Productivity levels have increased but they will surely take a hit when working in an environment that will initially be unrecognisable from what we remember pre-lockdown. It isn’t impossible to achieve that feeling of comfort in the office again of course but it starts with that mental preparation and understanding that we still have a long way to go before we all feel comfortable. Let’s all remember to think about this and not rush to get back to the office because it won’t feel right for a while yet. If you are planning on going back in, take the time to get your head straight, to prepare yourself. Stay strong but above all Stay Puft.