Stay motivated for the long term

Every day I speak to working mums and dads, who all say that they lack willpower and motivation. They give up too soon. They feel disappointed with their results, and dispirited by setbacks, and unsupportive circumstances.

So, how can you, as a busy parent, build up this unflagging energy and drive, that will pull you forward towards your dream relentlessly, day in and out?

Examine your "why" every day

Why is this specific dream special and important? Keep asking “why” until you uncover all your hidden layers of reasoning. You may say - because of ‘X’ benefit. Ask yourself again, why ‘X’ benefit is important. Maybe because of ‘Y’ experience. Well, why is ‘Y’ experience so amazing? And so on. You can keep going until you get to the real meaning and purpose behind your dream.

For instance, if I did this exercise for my health and wellness goals, I would find that they connect to my deepest desire to be there for my kids when they really need me. Maybe I want to be energetic enough to play with my grandkids twenty years from now. Maybe I want to leave a legacy of health, and immense possibilities for my kids, instead of the long list of hereditary diseases that run in my family, and for which I have surely inherited the genes.

Your greatest desires will have a strong emotional charge that will keep your flames burning for years, so connect to them at the deepest level.

Eat foods that love you back as much as you love them

This is a key one. See, not everyone is on our team; likewise, not all foods are for you. Some “healthy” foods can certainly trip you up if you are unaware of their effect on your system.

For example, good quality dark chocolate or red wine are considered healthy in moderate quantities, yet in some folks, these can trigger migraines.

Another classic example would be wheat and gluten containing foods. If you experience recurring symptoms like bloating, abdominal pain or cramping after eating wheat - even organically grown whole grain wheat with all the fiber and nutrients intact - it may be a sign that your system does not handle gluten and gliadin well.

Pay close attention to how you feel when you eat certain foods. If you find yourself experiencing bloating, pain, indigestion, constipation, a racing heartbeat, mood imbalances, brain fog, headaches, daytime sleepiness, or excess mucus production, predictably whenever you consume certain foods, start by maintaining a food diary.

Soon, you will be able to figure out that some foods work for you, and some others don’t, and this may be different from someone else.

Consult your family doctor, dietician, or your nutritionist to investigate what might be going on, as well as seek ways to improve your tolerance levels - if you still wish to occasionally consume those foods.

Figure out your tolerance levels and be cautious, so that you are no longer silently suffering a constellation of confusing symptoms caused by eating foods that steal your energy and vitality.

Sleep well

If you are not getting enough sleep, and are chronically sleep deprived, forget motivation. Pushing a sleep starved body to achieve phenomenal results is like flogging a dead horse. Poor sleep can affect every aspect of your energy, mood, and behavior negatively, and make a joke out of words like motivation!

Unless you are an advanced meditation guru, sleep hack expert, or someone who needs very little sleep (which I am not sure is a real thing), you need an optimal amount of sleep to repair, and restore your tissues back to vitality - around seven to eight hours.

No different from busy restaurant kitchens, schools, and offices, that need deep cleaning, and maintenance crews at night, or regular software and system updates that are vital for your cellphones and apps, your brain and body also need to clean out metabolic gunk, debrief and convert events and information into memory and storage, and in general clean, repair, and maintain tired, and worn-out parts.

The synchronizing of your internal clock depends on how well orchestrated and tuned this operation is. How well rested, and motivated you feel in the morning depends on all these factors which you are in a position to influence.

So, do what you need to do, to prioritize deep restful sleep, especially if you believe in being efficient. Let the expert i.e., your body, do the work. You just need to follow the manual and stay out of the way.

It is all energy

You can develop the knack of using external events to energize you when you are stuck.

If an event or a person nudges you forward, and catalyzes you into action, that is great. If people encourage you, that is awesome. Appreciate them and allow their magnetic energy, and eager expectations to fuel your momentum.

But what if an event or person pulls you back, derides your efforts or opposes you, and in effect tries to slow you down?

One option when people reject your dreams, is to let the rebel in you awaken. If Stan Lee hadn’t persisted with his idea of a teen, spider-bitten hero, Spider-Man would have had a quiet, and early demise, and my home would be missing one Spiderman costume, and multiple cardboard models of web shooters! ?

Be like Stan Lee - indefatigable!

Sometimes people in your close inner circle are the very ones who do not understand or support your goals, which can be very disheartening. This is a common occurrence, and needs to be addressed.

The best thing to do is take responsibility for your feelings and work on your own emotional self-regulation. That way, you can quickly ground and center yourself whenever you feel rejected or attacked. This allows you to strongly persist in the face of opposition, even when it comes from those close to you.

You can also visualize any negative input as wind to a sailboat. Sailors know for example, that downwind is not the fastest direction for sailing. The reality is counterintuitive in that, by adjusting the angle of a sail relative to the wind direction, a boat can attain much higher speeds, than by going downwind. Wind can be harnessed regardless of direction by an experienced sailor.

This is also like a judoka, who uses the opponent's sometimes superior weight and strength, to her own advantage, by employing good technique.

So, you see, there is nothing bad about being derided and rejected and or being the underdog. In fact, it is good to have something to push against as much as it is to pull on. When you stand strongly for something, it is but natural that you also stand strongly against the opposite!

Once you develop the mindset, that positive or negative, energy can only move you forward, you will become creative, resourceful, full of grit and essentially unstoppable.

Learn from young kids

I have learned a lot of from my youngest, my ten-year-old. For instance, when eating, once he is full, he stops. His satiety signals are still working, unlike many of us adults whose socialized signals are confused by feelings of guilt, obligation, and even hormonal imbalances.

He does not try to please people to his detriment. If he is feeling affectionate towards you, he will make tea, omelets and maybe sushi for you. If he doesn’t enjoy the interactions, he does not hold on for appearance’s sake. No hard feelings either.

Lastly, he brushes off negative emotions quickly, and without much drama.

We adults can do these things too. Say no with a smile, say yes with complete acceptance, and grace, and only do what you really want to do. Stop people pleasing and don’t let guilt and shame hijack your best intentions.

Set the GPS right, but then focus on your driving

Once you have identified your destination, and selected the best route for you, it is time to pay attention to your driving.

If you focus on your destination all the time, you will be in a tearing hurry to reach there, and get easily frustrated when it takes time - which it will.

A better use of your focused energy is to use it to drive intentionally and with care. Too fast, and you may crash, too slow and you will not achieve any momentum, and may even give up. Set an exciting pace, and give yourself up to enjoying the journey, pitstops and all.

Take time to be joyful and grateful when you reach important milestones. Celebrate them with pride. When you reward your own efforts and recognize your own accomplishments, it will keep the energy flowing, and enthusiasm going.?

While on a long journey, choose the more scenic route, and remember to factor in extreme weather, machine breakdowns and fueling breaks. Do what needs to be done when a tire bursts, and get back on the highway once the problem is solved.

So long as you understand that your consistent action of driving, is what is going to get you places - not the GPS or even the route you chose - you will be able to keep your foot on the pedal for the length of time needed.

Pretty soon you will see the “welcome” sign that tells you that you have finally arrived at your destination.

Relax for a bit, enjoy the scenery, take pictures, and celebrate your safe arrival!! You have earned this experience with your resolute persistence, unwavering commitment, and consistent actions.

But in the end, fall so much in love with the process, the journey itself, that it is no longer about the destination, and you can be excited again about a new journey and adventure soon!