Stay Connected

Stepping back into the push and pull of life can be difficult after divorce. There are competing demands finding out what to do and also trying to find a sense of who you are now that the roles you had as a partner, parent, and even colleague no longer seem to make sense. There’s also that horrible realisation that you feel alone maybe others just don’t get you anymore or you’re struggling to share and be around others to say it’s hard coping right now.

Staying connected is really important not only to help you share what’s going on for you, to socialise and feel alive but it’s also a basic need in building our self-worth and fulfilling our desire for belonging – being part of a community, a close friendship or identity to like minded and like hearted people.

Here are some tips to support you in creating more connection and deepening existing connections:

·??????Find out what matters to you in the busyness of life in the moment. Ask yourself this question, ‘What am I feeling and what do I need?’ It’s a brief but vital enquiry to understand what’s missing and how to address it. So, if you’re feeling lonely, and you need to talk to someone – then just do it. It will make a big difference.

·??????Connect with yourself and learn to be kind and compassionate with how you are experiencing the ups and downs of rebuilding your life. Dr David Burns recommends becoming our own best friend and learning to change our inner talk from being harsh and critical to caring and gentle. We would not talk to someone we care deeply about in the way we talk to ourselves in our head with putting ourselves down, berating our efforts or giving up on trying to move forward in that dialogue of believing we are useless. I found learning to be my own best friend changed everything for me to build my own self-value, self-esteem and self-worth.

·??????Connect with others – make a conscious effort especially if you don’t feel like it to meet up and get away from the routine of work and home life where you can get isolated indoors spending a lot of time on your own. Being solo can make us more vulnerable to loneliness because we are on our own without the on-going physical presence of others around us. We are social creatures and also creatures of emotion, so being in good company and getting out will help increase your confidence and build your social muscles of learning to enjoy life again.

·??????Connect with something greater than yourself. You may find that being close to nature gives you a sense of meaning and purpose being connected to the beauty of the natural world with its peaceful power, sensory pleasures and way of easing our disquiet. You may also have a deeper more personal connection with a faith or belief in a power higher than you. It can give immense comfort, security and a feeling of safety that quells inner turmoil and creates more peace and tranquillity.

Please share any tips that you have that make you feel more connected.