The Stay-at-Home Parent Dilemma: Navigating Career Breaks and Re-Entering the Workforce

Nearly a quarter (23%!) of all employed, female-identified parents (i.e., mothers) in the U.S. choose to put their careers on hold to work full-time as stay-at-home parents (SAHPs), and that statistic has increased nearly +10% from two years ago in 2022! Of SAHP in the U.S., female-identified parents represent 82% of stay-at-home parents.?

First, it should be acknowledged that it is a great privilege to have the ability to choose to work full-time in a career outside of the home or as a SAHP. Many SAHPs have the option of staying home because they have some source of income aside from working a full-time job themselves (e.g., a partner or co-parent with an income, family financial support, etc.). For others, it is a necessity rather than a privilege (e.g., chronic unemployment, children with special needs, etc.).?

For those with the privilege of making this choice, it’s a tough decision: do I want to be the primary person raising my child day-to-day? Or allow someone else to take on part of the responsibility? There is no “right” choice, of course. Some parents may pursue the role of a SAHP for a few years, while others may continue to work full-time in this role through their children’s high school education or beyond. The decision to put one’s former career on hold and work as a stay-at-home parent (and for how long) can be a difficult and complicated decision, both financially and emotionally.

Working as a SAHP may thwart potential career development and relevance of their prior work history, and also takes a clear financial hit by not earning a salary and losing years of potential retirement contributions and growth. And, in many cases, the longer one works as a SAHP, the greater the potential negative impacts on one’s finances and future employment potential?

It is a steep price to pay financially and in terms of one’s potential for financial independence in the future. However, the flip side of being a full-time working parent outside of the home can be a loss of time with one’s children, missing important school events, the financial investment of funding reputable child-care, and the ongoing stress of trying to achieve work-life balance. Many parents find themselves faced with a seemingly impossible choice between a career and increased involvement in their children’s day-to-day lives.?

This is not to say that the balance cannot be found - it can - however it often requires many factors to line up: Is there any work-from-home flexibility? Will the salary earned cover the cost of child-care? Are there reputable child-care providers with space available in your area? How much money will be left-over after child-care costs? In your opinion, is the money left over worth the time not spent with your children? How will you and/or your partner manage child-related after-school activities,sports, events, etc.? The presence of extended family can help ease some of these concerns, but there can be no doubt that being a working parent is a juggling act!?

For those who do make the choice to stay-at-home, another concern emerges: While the work of a parent (regardless of career choice) is never truly done, there does come a time when the final child launches, and the hands-on phase of parenting is complete. What then, are those stay-at-home parents doing when the nest is emptied? For those who choose to return to the work-force, the pathway back can be steep. A recent survey conducted by Indeed found that of over one thousand mothers surveyed, 73% reported experiencing negative bias during the hiring process based upon their parental status. Whether due to the view of stay-at-home parenting as a resume gap, or the devaluation of skills required to successfully navigate the myriad of tasks and responsibilities of a stay-at-home parent, the negative bias is real, and must be acknowledged and addressed.?

It is critical for the SAHP wanting to return to the workforce to rebrand their skills and experience not as an employment gap, but as a period of work experience. Not all work is paid, and just because it was unpaid, doesn’t mean it wasn’t valuable (and all work experiences belong on our resumes, paid or unpaid).. As a SAHP for 10+ years myself, I came to think of my “job” as not just chief of staff (of my family), manager of home operations,? and primary parent, but also as a “community leader”. I was the consummate PTA volunteer, leader, auction co-chair, classroom parent, fundraiser, etc. You name it, I volunteered for it. At the time, I did so more as a way to structure my day, find my community, and be engaged with my children’s communities. However, when the time came for me to return to work, I quickly realized that these volunteer efforts had left me with critical experience that could easily transfer to the workforce.?

Looking at the various responsibilities of a SAHP, even without volunteering in our communities, we see critical skills that can be useful in the professional world. Multi-tasking is a key component of survival for any SAHP, as is management, delegation, operational efficiency, and organization. The ability to manage multiple people’s needs, schedules, and demands is a skill that should not be overlooked. Add to that the key skill of flexibility and ability to work under pressure: Every SAHP has known the moment their entire week becomes upended due to a sick child, or a forgotten science project (ahem). Suddenly it’s all hands on deck, reorganizing the entire week of events, pivoting to accommodate the newest set of needs. Turning to the skills of the community leader,we see even more strengths: Fundraising knowledge, program development, leadership, public speaking, event planning, event organization, sometimes even curriculum development for afterschool programs! The list goes on.?

A silver lining of the COVID-19 pandemic (if there is one) is that it created opportunities for many parents to work? remotely and have more flexible schedules, which opened pathways for stay-at-home parents to re-engage in the workforce. Post-pandemic studies showed a nearly +3% increase in employment for mothers of young children, reflecting the importance and value of flexible schedules. For all parents this was a huge net-positive. Working parents were able to find improved work-life balance, and SAHP found a pathway to re-entry perhaps earlier than they might have otherwise anticipated.?

Whether you are returning to the workforce after a 5, 10, or 20 year departure to work as a SAHP, there are ways to position yourself positively for reentry. First, dust off the old resume and get it updated. Do not be afraid to list your volunteer experiences and time as a stay-at-home parent. There is no rule that says you need to “call out” any experience as unpaid on your resume or as part-time. Experience is experience. It is far better to show what the time was used for and what skills you gained than to have a gap with no explanation. Next, look at the industry you are trying to get into (or back into). Make a list of contacts you have in the industry. No contacts? No problem. Time to open yourself up and look for new connections: let your friends and family know what type of roles you are interested in and ask them to introduce you to their networks; ask people in your target industry to go to lunch or for a coffee–try to get to know more people and generally get the word out. Finally, do a deep dive into the field you are entering. Do you have all the skills required? Would certifications or a bit of online coursework help you? Could you volunteer in the field or in an adjacent one while you are in the process of looking for employment? The job search is not a unilateral process, but one with many pieces. Start working on each piece and before you know it you’ll be hitting the ground running.