State of Flow and PTSI

So, first the disclaimer. I’m not a doctor, phd, or yogi. I’m just another person with Post Traumatic Stress Injuries searching for answers or ways to get through life. Life is hard. It is harder if you have injuries or illness. I have spent most of my adult life using my body to make a living. Unlike some, this was not planned.?When I became a commercial diver and then a firefighter these were occupations that were considered more physical than mental and the people that did these were considered somewhat disposable. This could also be said of soldiers. And even at the physical and mental cost, I consider myself lucky. Even though now that I’m retired I pay a price, with the aches of broken bones and torn mussels of years past and of course the lingering PTSI. But on most days even with the pain, I’m not ready to quit. Although some days I walk the edge of the cliff. Some days it seems it would be much easier just to step off, rather than balancing trying to move forward and keep my balance.

“State of Flow” psychological process used by athletes to help achieve getting into the flow, simply put because I’m a simple person, being in the “Zone”. The place in your mind when you are fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, fully involved and in the process finding joy or at least a higher level of enjoyment in the activity. I explain this as grounding in the moment. It isn’t as easy as just being there. It’s about being completely and totally committed to a?moment in time. For an athlete this is the ability to be committed fully to each moment in a competition. But, it goes deeper than just being grounded in the moment. State of Flow illustrates that to be completely grounded, we also must be skilled. It also explains that on the path to achieving State of Flow, there is going to be a process. An uncomfortable process with setback and anxiety. It doesn’t matter if you are a professional athlete striving for perfection or just someone trying to make it from day to day. I would also say that with the stressors and demands that first responder or soldier are in fact a professional athlete.

I could argue that for us that struggle with post traumatic stress injuries that understanding and developing our own process is critically more important than it is to a professional athlete. For us it is a matter of life and death. In sports, even in dangerous sports, there are rules, training, procedures and equipment to protect the athlete. For us, we are working without a “safety net”.

At this point you might be thinking, okay makes sense for an athlete but how does this apply to Post Traumatic Stress? First let’s look at worry. Worry comes from fear of the future. For those of us with Post Traumatic Stress I’ll break this down into two categories. First is fear of future events, for us this can go into overdrive where fear can override our ability to function. That the anxiety of the unknown can actually paralyze us and stop us from being able to function. Second is the most dangerous state, not being able to see any future at all. I call this the loss of hope. Once you lose hope you become blinded by a lack of ability to be able to envision any future at all. Speaking for myself, this is when I pause at the edge of the cliff. I think what’s the use of balancing on the edge. That if I just step off, my mind can rest. This is when my training needs to kick in. Training? Yep, training in basic coping.?

First breathing, box breathing to be specific. Breath in for a count of five, hold for a count of five, exhale for a count of five, hold for a count of five and repeat. This has a number of physical and psychological benefits. Briefly it gets oxygen into your cells and gives your brain a task to calm it down. This is used by professional athletes and those that work in high stress occupations. It’s the first step in focusing or refocusing under stress. As a commercial diver and then as a firefighter I have practiced this breathing my entire adult life. My exwife says that I even do this in my sleep, as the terrors come. Once you start practicing and perfecting this skill you might be amazed how effective it is.

Second skill is grounding. It’s important to go to a physical place that you are able to focus on everything in that moment. It doesn’t have to be quiet or even peaceful. It does need to be free of distraction, no-one talking to you or touching you. Then you go through each of your senses. I start by closing my eyes. I’m very visual and can be easily distracted if I keep my eyes open. I then focus on my feet, more specifically what do I feel under my feet. It doesn’t matter if I’m barefoot or in shoes or if I’m in grass, dirt, asphalt, water or ?. The idea is to identify every feeling under my feet. Then I move up to each part of my body. Hot, cold, wind, still…. What do I smell, what do I hear and then I slowly open my eyes. If there is a point in the process that something gives me comfort or joy I stop and reflect on it. Could be the warmth of the sun, the smell of a flower, the distant sound of children playing. It is your space and your point in time. Accepting each moment without anticipation or expectation. This is a skill that will take practice.

Once you become skilled at being able to be in the moment, you can then move onto developing the other skills to bring you joy. In my opinion joy and comfort are not the same. A professional athlete can love their sport and experience great joy even when being under a high level of stress pressure.?

It’s a matter of going beyond “embracing the suck”, it’s training to find hope through the “suck”. Finding the “State of Flow”.

Steven Schreck (Retired Battalion Chief)