Why Being a Good Divorce Lawyer Requires Empathy — and Objectivity

In this series, professionals debate the state – and future – of their industry. Read more here, then write your own #MyIndustry post.

Family Law as an occupation or an “industry” is not going away anytime soon. And that’s a very good thing. The term “industry” can be horribly misleading as that makes it sound like there is an industry built by lawyers, which is absolutely wrong; it is an industry, if it can be called that, necessitated by the way people end relationships and society’s need or desire to step in and ensure civility. And lawyers, judges, psychologists, and others are involved to try to bring closure to a relationship that the lawyers, judges and psychologists did not create or terminate.

Without the family law “industry,” there would be chaos, or more chaos. If there is disagreement with this, all we need to do is to ask any gay couple who until last summer could not use the family law “industry” or the rules of divorce to disengage from their partner. They often had little, or very time consuming and expensive, recourse trying to simply establish parental rights, much less visitation with children they had raised. They could not divide marital property they had acquired after years of living together, because they were not allowed to be married.

There are so many misconceptions about divorce and family law, that it is impossible to cover them all. But as divorce lawyers, we often hear comments like “Well, the lawyers make the laws so they can profit.” Lawyers do NOT make the laws. Legislators, politicians, and elected officials do. Sometimes judges interpret those laws, but lawyers simply argue, advocate, mediate, and litigate those laws. Sometimes they argue that the laws themselves are wrong, or unconstitutional. But lawyers do not make the laws.

Generally, what lawyers, particularly family lawyers do, is to try to problem solve. Yes, some are better at it than others and some are not good at all. But the goal is to take the problem presented, and to solve it. Lawyers do not create the problem (although certainly there are some lawyers who make problems worse). Good lawyers truly try their best to bring resolution.

So where is the family law “industry” headed? Hopefully forward. Many of my colleagues nowadays got into, or get into, this area intentionally. They want to ensure that what happened to them in their divorce, or a loved one’s divorce, doesn’t happen again. They want to fix an imperfect system. And that is good. The problem is human nature. Divorce and family law resolution is often complicated by the vast array of human emotions. Those litigating a family law matter often clamor that it is not about money, it’s about… principle. They often want vengeance for being wronged (perhaps rightfully so). But the “system” or “industry’s” goal is to resolve the differences so that the parties can move forward and hopefully survive financially and with a quality relationship with their children. Every good lawyer knows that the more parties litigate, the harder it will thereafter be for them to communicate.

So what’s the future of the family law “industry”? I hope it is that more and more conscientious and caring people join the ranks. Human beings will continue to begin and end relationships, to have children, and to have disputes. Without an “industry” to turn to, the law of the land would be “might makes right.” And that is wrong in a civilized society.