In startups, you should hire people who are emotionally mature.

Age has nothing to do with emotional maturity.?

How our developmental needs were met as children determines our emotional maturity. We also get modeling from our parents, who teach us how to manage our emotions. Most of us were raised by emotionally immature parents (EIP), and our maturity level mirrored theirs. Observing how your parents react when upset and the state of their relationships can teach you a lot about their emotional maturity.

Emotional immaturity manifests itself as:

• A high level of defensiveness?
• Difficulty expressing emotions?
• Difficulty tolerating other people's points of view or opinions
• Shutting down or lashing out in conflict
• Blaming others when things go wrong
• Avoiding conflict
• Poor communication skills (ie- being passive aggressive)
• Being demanding or controlling
• Excessive justification or remorse
• Emotional dumping (sharing what you feel without the awareness of if the person is in a space to listen)

Lack of emotional regulation is the main cause of emotional immaturity (to sit in emotional discomfort.)

The resultant behaviors include impulsivity, avoidance, and dismissing how other people feel by saying, "Oh, it's not really a big problem."

How we should make an effort to develop emotional maturity:

1. Being open to hearing viewpoints from others with whom we disagree. People who are emotionally mature can accept differences and recognize that not everyone thinks the same as them.

2. Practicing pausing before reacting so that we can make an informed decision rather than one based solely on emotion, which we may later regret or feel ashamed of.

3. Recognizing that there are various realities and that each of us has a unique perspective on the world. There are various realities in our universe, and one does not preclude another.

4. Practicing empathy, which is the capacity to see things from another person's point of view. We can develop more empathy by working on observing and accepting the feelings of others, even when those feelings differ from our own.

5. Becoming aware of our triggers: being triggered causes us to be emotionally immature (this is called regression). When you are triggered, take a break, breathe, and regulate.?

Be YOU. Be Emotionally Matured.

Without emotional maturity, neither as a founder nor as an early employee, one cannot survive in the messy, chaotic environment of a Startup.

From the work of Dr Nicole LePera

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