The Startup Advantage:? 2 Steps to Making Deep Network Connections

With the explosion of tech startups has come a rather interesting paradox:  People with the technical skills to have, understand, and build the next big thing are also, generally, introverted people who would much rather focus on their craft than be at some networking event cashing in their coupon for a glass of generic white wine in a plastic cup.  Even worse, they may have to engage in conversation for hours and hours!!!

Don’t get me wrong.  I am not by any means belittling the introverts.  I am one of them, believe me.  I would much rather be working on something tangible than attending some dinner at a trade show.  But I also understand there is a relationship and a balance that any successful entrepreneur needs to find.  Good ideas don’t sell themselves and people that can make things happen for you aren’t knocking on your door to meet you.

You have a great idea.  You may even have the prototype and an awesome pitch.  Now the only thing standing between you and success is finding the people who can help you make it happen.

Most of us can pretty easily find events to attend where like-minded entrepreneurs will gather.  We can pretty easily identify the people that we would “like” to get in front of and can probably even think of ways to get to them (think “seven degrees of separation”).  The real question is what to do when we are in the presence of these people!

First, and foremost, the best networkers will unanimously say that the key to developing a rock-solid contact list (the Rolodex, back in the day) is to be helpful.  Do not approach someone looking for what they can do for you.  Approach the interaction with the mindset of what you can do for them.

While this approach may seem counterintuitive, it invokes some very important psychology.

The helpful approach shows that you are an empathetic person.  This is crucial in the modern business world.  The days of intimidation and leaving carnage in your career wake have long been replaced by collaboration and cooperation.  Put another way, the best way to get to the top is to help others get there too. 

Marketing psychologists have also recently found that offering to do something for someone else causes a reflex to reciprocate.  A rather comprehensive university study demonstrated that people bought raffle tickets more often (and more of them) after the seller had even offered to do something for them.  (In this case, it was an offer to get a soft drink from the vending machine.  Even when the prospective raffle ticket purchaser declined the offer, the sales still increased.)

And while that information is all well and good, it still doesn’t solve the initial problem:  what do I say to these people?

I had a very interesting conversation with one of the most successful residential realtors I have ever met a few years ago.  He is about the most low-pressure salesperson I have ever met.  In fact, I have never even heard him press anyone for a listing or a sale.  Yet he was within the top two performers in a large metropolitan area year after year after year.

In that conversation, he told me this:  to get to know someone and to connect with them on a deep level, follow the FORD principle.

FORD is an acronym for Family, Occupation, Recreation and Dreams.

The goal for this uber-successful realtor in any engagement was to discover all four of those.  And once he did, he knew that he had connected on a very deep level.

F:  Family

What’s the most important thing to most people on planet Earth?  Their family.  When someone asks me if I have children, I never answer “yes.”  I automatically tell them how many, their ages, where they go to school.  It is a natural response!  And getting to know about someone’s family automatically strengthens the bond with the person.

O:  Occupation

What does the person do for a living?  Do they like it?  How is the industry?  How did you get that job?

R:  Recreation

What does the person do for fun?  You will often find you have something in common or at least can learn about something new!

D:  Dreams

What are the dreams this person has?  We all have them and we love to talk about them!  If they like to travel (recreation) where would they love to go sometime?  Do they want to start a foundation or volunteer with underserved youth?  Think about how passionate most people are about their dreams and how little opportunity they have to talk about them!

It’s pretty clear that extroverts like to mingle, talk and meet new people while introverts have to force themselves to do the same things.  But the ultimate goal for either personality type can be boiled down to two steps.  Follow the FORD principle and figure out a way to help them.

Tom Faulconer is an attorney, CFP?, and marketing professional and helps small businesses with training and sales based in Indianapolis, Indiana. He is also a contributing author to Startus magazine.

If you would like Tom to help you, he can be reached at [email protected].