Starting up is easier than starting over

Dear reader, from the start I want to point out two things: first off, this by no means related to any personal experience, simply a method to get the idea off the ground. Secondly, I use "Her" and "She" as an asexual means to convey said idea. Flip the pronoun any way you see fit to make sense of what follows. Thanks for reading and enjoy!

So you find Her! She's The One! She has to be! You've never felt this way before! She's everything you've ever dreamed of.

And of course, you shower her with gifts and attentions. Why wouldn't you? She gives you something you were hoping for for so long!

Aaand then She's gone! Poof! You thought it might work out. You're still figuring out what went wrong. Not enough time? Not the right places? Not the right ambiance or people?

You give it some time, collect your thoughts, assess the damage, and what do you know? When you're up and running again, another Her appears. While you're hesitant at first, it's difficult to deny the attraction you feel towards her. And She to you, clearly. You're both going into this together!

You've been here before, you think. You won't make the same mistakes! And, indeed, some you won't make. But some you will. It's who you are. It's your identity, or so you feel. But at the same time, you notice similar faults in Her methods as well.

This might prove a problem! But you've figured a couple of things out. See, communication might have been an issue last time, so you work on that. This, of course, brings to light far deeper problems. You're both willing to work on them, but you're pretty sure this will be either a very long trip...or a very short one.

Bad luck, friend. Seems you weren't the right match. She's found someone closer to Her needs and you find yourself without a partner once more.

Alright, you say, once you've picked everything up again, next time! Next time you'll properly assess the issue. You've learned from two relationships, you've figured out what they're looking for, You know what you must do next time!

Weeeell, the next one did work a bit better. At least you're still friends - if you can call that a benefit...at least you're on speaking terms, you think.

And so on and so forth. A series of hopeful beginnings. And every time it seems to become a bit more difficult to get going. Starting again while worrying about what happened the time before, and the time before that, and the time before that. That really doesn't seem to be working out. You doubt everything, She feels your anxiousness, it's just getting harder and harder to even get things rolling.

This is the point!

This is the point where you pump the breaks. This is where you need to realize one essential thing: the only common point throughout all of your relationships...was you.

So when assessing another potential relationship, while it will most definitely help to look upon previous experiences, don't just look at what they brought, what they did. Look at yourself.

All's fair in love and war, but business is business. If it didn't work out a couple of times, regardless of initial hopes and promises, then you're probably not looking in the right direction.

Just like you can't build a relationship on the image of the relationship you hoped for, you can't build a business on the hopes that "it'll work out." Because, at the end of the day, the red in your ledger will come from your decisions.

Every relationship is a series of compromises. Make sure you compromise where you can afford it, not where you wish it. And, if She is really The One, She'll know to do the same. To the extent where...well, the birds and the bees are for another time. But work comes from both sides and happens ON both sides.

What you offer might not be as good as you thought. And neither might what She's offering.

And while it might never feel like the first time, you're looking for the last!

Now go fall in love. It's the only way you'll learn. Because living in your parents' basement can only work for so long. Go out, get hurt, learn. And start over!