Starting Therapy for Kids: When it's time and What to expect.

by Dr. Diana Maatouk

Our very human ability to see other people’s problems far more easily than our own typically extends to children as well. We know just from a simple observation when the wayward daughter of our best friend needs some counseling or the sports-obsessed jock down the street could do with a therapist to help him prioritize his goals.?

It can be a lot tougher to consider therapy for our own children. Why? Because most of us have the common Achilles' heel of believing nothing is wrong with us - and that blanket opinion naturally extends to our children.

However, the stigma of "being in therapy" is long outdated, and kids are just as much in need when it comes to needing support for the difficulties that life can throw at us.

Child Therapy: When to consider it?

There is no hard and fast answer here. Rather, there are certain characteristics that children might possess that can be a signal that therapy is a good option to help them continue or (re)start a healthy development.? These five signs don’t always mean it’s time to research therapists, but they are typically good indicators that there’s a problem beneath the surface that your child might be unwilling to talk about.

1. Significant Changes in Behavior: If your child used to be a social butterfly and now wants to spend all weekend in their room, that’s a good example of behavior that suggests that something might be up. This can take the form of different emotions; not wanting to be around favored family members and friends; or a lack of interest or outright disdain for activities they used to enjoy. These behaviors can be the visual representation of things like grief, trauma, guilt, etc., and your child might not want to talk to a parent about what’s causing it.
2. Always Seeming Sad or Anxious: Children get sad and children get worried; it’s a part of life - especially during those rollercoaster teenage years. But neither sadness nor anxiety should be a constant force in a child’s life. Yes, there are tests to worry about and those first romantic heartbreaks to endure, but they shouldn’t manifest nonstop. If you’re not seeing your child smile, laugh, or simply act their age, it’s typically a sign that something is up.
3. Big Struggles at School: Every kid is different and every school as well. We naturally see some struggles early in a new grade, especially when moving to a new school, but when there’s not a clear-cut reason for a drop off in performance, it might be time to seek help. Learning disabilities and social struggles often don’t manifest themselves until later grades when kids are expected to be more independent in how they learn and how they build friendships. Don’t let them struggle alone.
4. Alterations to Eating and Sleeping: As mentioned above, growth and development, especially during the teenage years, are going to have a lot of peaks and valleys during those first 18 years. But if your child is suddenly gorging or starving themselves, it usually is an outward manifestation of something else. The same often holds for the child who starts staying up all night or trying to sleep their life away.
5. Struggling with Same-Age Relationships:? We all know the old adage that adults struggle to understand children and vice versa, right? It’s true for seemingly every generation. But if your child is struggling to make even a few friends, find a peer group, and generally fit in, it might be time to call in for some professional support.?

Again, these are general characteristics of what brings a lot of young people to therapy. Your child might not fit into any of them, but there might be very obvious signs that they need someone to talk to. Things like a death in the family or living with a physical or other handicap are almost universally regarded as the type of circumstances that require therapy. Also don’t be afraid to just trust your gut. If you’re a parent, those instincts are there for a reason.

What Therapy Will Look Like for Your Kids

Just like the reasons your kids might go to therapy vary, so does the look of the therapy. Depending on who you go see, what part of the world you live in, and where the therapist studied, you’re going to have a lot of different ideas on what works best. However, there are some fairly standard practices used by most practitioners based on the age of the child.

Plenty of kids are worried about their first visit to the therapist, but it’s usually the easiest - a lot of information provided by the parents to the therapist and the therapist to everyone involved. The therapist will talk primarily with the parents at the first meeting and then take some time with the kid.

In general, younger kids do a lot of play-type activities with the therapist. This helps them express feelings and work on sharing through different forms of communication. Older kids’ sessions often include more conversations and idea sharing about skills they need to learn or acquire to succeed.?

Therapists are not there to criticize children or parents, but to give both support and praise, as well as getting kids to believe in themselves more and find healthier ways to improve core ideas like self image or confidence or relationships.?

Depending on how old the child is and what they are working on, some combination of talking, doing activities, practicing new skills, and problem solving is likely going to be part of the course that the therapist takes.?

Final Thoughts

There’s always going to be trepidation for anyone when therapy is brought up as a possible solution. The best way parents can help their children warm up to the idea is to arm themselves with as much knowledge about the process as possible in order to make the transition feel smooth and safe.