In Starting Again..

What To Do When You Have To Start Over?

All of us have been there at some point. We may have

• Lost a job
• Lost a Home
• Gone thru a Bankruptcy
• Endured the loss of a Loved One
• Gone thru a failed Relationship
• Lost Hope
• Experienced Health Issues
• Suffered thru Addiction
• Fill in the Blank_______________________

To be sure, this is a tough situation we find ourselves. It is easy and normal to see this period as a personal failure. There may be examples of excessive finger pointing and denial on our part during this season. A sense of doom that prolongs or delays forward movement. We may feel stuck, paralyzed, or uncertain towards next steps. Seemingly, nothing is going right and we seem to have fallen to our lowest point. All of us have been there at some point and can knowingly relate to the profound sense of loss and emptiness associated in this time. We have hit our bottom and become confronted with having to start over. If you are there now, there are three options to consider…

1. I just don’t have the energy to do anything so I will wait for something to change. (If you do nothing, a new bottom may be identified)
2. Someone will come along and fix this for me. (Be prepared to wait a long time for this option to come to fruition.)
3. There is a way out of this situation. Enough is Enough and I want to get out of this. If my situation is going to change, it is up to me.

     Once you decide upon option 3, there are steps you that can be taken to move beyond the starting point. Moving forward will allow you to regain your footing towards the pathway of total Revitalization and Restoration. The situation did not happen overnight (although it may seem that way), and consequently, the comeback will not either. Once we commit towards taking the necessary steps and recognizing the importance of the process, we shift momentum in our favor. We become empowered to move much further and higher than originally thought possible. The following will illustrate the steps we must take when confronted with having to start over again.

  Don’t Rush Things

There is a tendency to want everything NOW. The age we live in supports this type of thinking. You can have it right now. The pain is intense and I want it to go away as quickly as possible. Social media suggests you can get everything you want immediately and without any sort of pain. Infomercials demonstrate how we can get in shape quickly (8 minutes a day), lose 10 lbs in 10 days, get out of debt or even increase credit scores in a flash. However, the improvement is typically not going to be sustainable. When we are starting over, there is a tendency to move quickly, in an effort, to replace the current uncomfortable feeling. Delete that train of thought right now. Anything worth having must be planned and executed. Next time can be better not because you want it to be but because you plan it to be.  It is important to ask yourself a few key questions and use the discovered knowledge towards making the necessary adjustments.

*What did you learn? Based on what you determine, how can you avoid making the same mistakes next time? Be honest with yourself and recognize that thru the pain, there are a number of valuable lessons and insight to be gained. It is critical to apply the new- found discoveries in meaningful and positive ways as you grow thru the journey.

* How to shift? The experience may be painful yet the silver- lining is you are shown what not to do  in the shift towards a better position. As we learn not to put our hand on a hot stove (only took once for me), we recognize different pathways to move towards based on this new- found insight. It is important to note the next step. Knowledge is valuable. Doing becomes invaluable. All of the steps require insight and then associated action. One must follow the other or the process comes to a halt.

* See it thru. Once you have reflected and begin the journey towards a revitalization, see it thru. Do not quit on the process because your growth is on the line. The full restoration of your situation will begin to be revealed in some amazing ways. However, see it thru. Completing what is started brings a new- found confidence as we overcome the inevitable obstacles that will arise along the way.

  If You Have To Start Over, Own IT

During disagreements, 3 sides come out. Each person has their own side and somewhere in the middle, lies the truth. This is a documented truth, but in this process, the key is to own our part. We cannot blame our way to a better future. I am often reminded that when we point the finger at someone else, there are 3 pointing right at us. Own your part of what went wrong. No one is going to fix your situation. Frankly, a growing number of people look for ways to deny their own role in the situation. Now, there are some awesome people who will listen, offer suggestions, and remain supportive in our journey. However, they cannot fix it nor is it up to them to do so. It is not their responsibility to step in and do the heavy lifting to shift things around in our favor. No, we own this responsibility and must execute the steps towards improving our circumstances. By Owning It, we are vested and are charged with putting in the sweat equity of identifying and executing a better way. 

• Accept Responsibility
• Own the Process
• Own the Steps
• Embrace the Result

 Re-Think It

This was touched on above. When we have to start over, it is critical to re-think our course of action. This is not code to re-hash what took place. However, we benefit by looking back to determine the best approach in re-thinking, re-doing, and re-looking at a different direction. Teams look at previous game films to re-evaluate their approach for the next contest. Candidates look at previous speeches to identify a better way to communicate the message moving forward. By re-thinking our path, we become a Transformer rather than a Conformer towards a better outcome. In re-thinking the approach, we identify critical adjustments which will serve as a catalyst towards starting over. Simply put, we realize things need to change to influence different results. If we continue to do the same thing yet hope for different result, the word Insanity should come to mind. By seeking different results, we must re-think and re-do our approach as we navigate thru the process of starting over. 

  Change Your Routine

All of us have habits. We do things in a certain way and sometimes at practically the same time each day. We have a routine when we wake up, how we approach our day, and settle in for the evening. These routines practically allow us to move thru the day in an automatic way. There is no real thought behind a lot of what is done. When we are starting over, a critical piece towards our success is the changing of our routines. This could be how we think about things, the order in which we do things, and execution of things completed from our to-do list. This is one of the scariest things we may have to do. Below are a few suggestions of ways we can change our routine. By changing the routine, we become more engaged towards re-booting and re-focusing our efforts.

• Order in which we do things at work
• Different route to work
• Trying new places outside of the norm
• Changing the order of importance in own personal life
• Morning Routine

By changing our routines, we are changing the script. We are turning the page towards channeling a new approach, critical when having to start over. We become energized, excited, and enthusiastic as the new results begin to take shape. To be sure, this is not comfortable. As creatures of habit, we can be resistant towards doing something outside our normal routine. BUT…. We are having to start over and frankly, we do not like our current predicament. Resolve to enhancing your chances by changing your routine towards a better outcome.

You will get thru whatever adversity sends you with a clear plan and purpose. Sometimes the best thing you can do is to start over!

Chris Adams