Start Where You Are.

I was in a bookstore in New York in February when I stumbled across one of those ‘Good Quotes’ black and white magnets that simply said:

“Begin anywhere” - John Cage.

I bought it immediately for one of my best friends as a reminder that when the pressures of life confound and overwhelm the important thing to remember is that you’re where you’re meant to be. Should you wish to be in a different place tomorrow, all you need to do is begin. You can start from anywhere.

I don’t know about you, but I often find myself getting trapped in the mindset of feeling like I should be five steps ahead of where I am. There is this idea that “further along” is better. I imagine that I’ll feel more settled, have more resources and be more collected. However, in the last 18 months I’ve come to understand and appreciate that this is ‘hamster wheel’ thinking- you’re only going to run yourself back to the same place and you’ll have expended a lot of energy to no avail. It’s an exhausting process that doesn’t leave any room for the magic and mystery of the present moment. It keeps us disconnected from ourselves and from one another because we are trying to manage our future rather than being rooted in the now. Ultimately the only thing we can directly control is our present state and our choices in the moment.

I think one of the seductive reasons we try to manage the future is because we think that we will “figure it out,” (i.e. avoid discomfort or challenges.) Sounds appealing, right? Who doesn’t want to navigate around shame and vulnerability and steep learning curves? Of course, the problem with avoiding our challenges is that we also avoid the opportunity to grow. We avoid the lesson. We avoid connection with our true nature and the ability to connect intimately with others. At the risk of sounding a little hippy, it is through our contact with the fullness of the present moment and who we are that we recognize our gifts and our purpose. This is where freedom lies. Not down the road, but in the messiness (or the joy) of the now.

As we all probably anecdotally know, vices and addictions are often used as escapism from reality- from pain, from pressure and from the myriad of other uncomfortable feelings we wish we had a ‘skip’ button to sweep by instead of endure. For some of us it’s our iPhone, others alcohol, some the addition to busyness. These distractions and escapes can help us avoid contact with the truth; justify our behaviour and the pain it is causing, or believe that tomorrow will be different. But it will only be different if we acknowledge where we are and own our choices in the moment. As Aristotle said, “we are what we repeatedly do”.

Regardless of context, for real change to occur, we have to be able to come in to contact with the entire truth of who we are and how we are living. We need ditch this seductive and entirely flawed notion of ‘perfectionism’, and the idea that we operate in a binary world where victory and joy are good and defeat and struggle are bad. Vulnerability is about realising the necessity of both; it’s about engaging. It’s being all in.

The willingness to show up is the game changer… we get a little braver every time.

No matter what our path is in life, when we recognise our inability to control obstacles and outcomes, we start to notice the here and now. When we stop running from ourselves, and what we fear is unworthy or unlovable, we have an opportunity to experience worth and love. When we stop trying to transcend our humanness, we get to fully embrace and experience all that being human affords.

What is your experience right now? If you can identify some struggle, perhaps you can attempt to embrace it, knowing that it is the vehicle for the very growth you are longing for. It is the gift. Let it be your starting point and move out from there. Don’t try to leap toward a future version of yourself, or you will leave necessary parts of you behind. Try and treat yourself with compassion.

In my experience, we will always be wrestling with something. What I’m trying to offer is a re-frame on the idea that we need to arrive somewhere. So, I’ll take this opportunity to let you know: You. Have. Arrived. No matter what it looks like, you have come a long way, and this is what you’ve been waiting for. Step forward from here.