Start Thriving Now

In the Spring of 1991, I was 16 years old. I was in fifth form, my final year at Christ the King, an all-girls, private Catholic high school.

Our uniform consisted of a beige V-neck jumper with a pleated skirt, crisp white shirt, brown shoes, white socks, no makeup, no jewelry. We all mostly wore our hair in ponytails or a low bun. I was average. I didn’t stand out in terms of height or weight, I was neither a superior, nor spectacularly inferior student. But I did stand out.

Even in this strictly governed, homogeneous environment, I was noticeably falling below my potential. My cripplingly low self-esteem was written all over me. My shoulders slumped, my head was almost always lowered and I was slow to smile. I was never bullied by any of my classmates, but felt "less than", and my staggeringly inconsistent performance proved it.

I was a student devoid of enthusiasm, seemingly walking around with a grey storm cloud hovering menacingly above my head. I hated school, but was convinced that there would not be much for me to look forward to once it was over.

In a moment of unrestrained irritation, the Principal of our school once remarked to me: “You always look as if you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.”

Ouch!

What does it mean to thrive ?

When we thrive, it means that we are are prospering, flourishing, and growing.

Picture a healthy baby: loved, well protected and well fed, growing fast, learning and developing at a steady pace, curious, open, happy.

Most of us are lucky enough to start out thriving. I started out that way, too.

I was a healthy and robust baby. Born a few weeks after my cousin Barsai, and two weeks before my cousin Doyle, I regularly gave my two male playmates a run for their money. My parents fondly recall a moment when as toddlers, the boys were struggling together to push a chair. I then casually came along, picked up the chair and walked away with it.

So what happened? How did a thriving toddler end up being a downtrodden adolescent? At what point do we go from fearless creatures - learning and loving, growing, excited about life - to living certain aspects of our lives based on fear?

Limiting Beliefs

From early on, and throughout our lives, we are constantly forming and re-forming beliefs about how the world works.

These beliefs are built on the words and actions of our parents and caregivers in our formative years. We come to conclusions based what we are told about ourselves and from our own experiences.

These beliefs about our place in the world are like a set of self-imposed rules. We create these rules by noticing cues from those around us through trial and error. If I do this, then that will happen. If I do that, then this will happen.

By age 16, I’d already come to believe that I would never be perceived as valuable in the world, I’d never accomplish anything praiseworthy or be impressive in anyway.

These thoughts about myself manifested themselves in the way I showed up in the world. My beliefs informed the way I spoke and how I acted. My thoughts about the world affected how much work I put into my studies - the bare minimum - because I didn’t believe I was capable of lasting success.

My set of flawed self-made rules became a self-fulfilling prophecy. Each time I put in the effort to rise above mediocrity, something would occur to ruin it somehow.

My own limited way of thinking was crippling my potential.

The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

By the time classes ended for my fifth form group in mid-Spring 1991, I had no idea what would be next for me. I couldn't see beyond that last year of high school.

We had been given several weeks of study leave so that we could prepare for the standard CXC exams that would be taken by 16 and 17 year olds across the English-speaking Caribbean.

I was convinced I would fail everything. I was frightened by the prospect of being forced to find employment with no school-leaving qualifications. I knew that the protective environment of a private school had left me woefully unprepared to do battle in the "real world".

My inability to imagine what was next, and my fear of what might happen began to immobilize me. I was supposed to be studying, but day after day during the first few weeks of study leave, at home alone, I gorged myself on movies and daytime TV.

I was becoming more and more deflated until I finally stopped to asked myself: What if?

What if your parents don't kick you out of the house for failing everything? What if you don't fail everything? What if you pass at least a few subjects and can go on to a two-year program at the State College? What if you pass English, Math and at least two other subjects and get into the A-Level program? What if you actually tried?

What if?

If you believe that the world is unfair, it becomes extremely difficult to stimulate and sustain a true sense of desire. If you are convinced that you are incapable or unlucky, then applying consistent effort becomes exceedingly hard to achieve.

Thriving starts with a decision to challenge any and every thought or belief that says you can't be, do or have what you long for in your heart.

In 1991 I asked myself 'What if'. I challenged my negative thoughts about my future, and opened the door for me to see the possibilities for action which existed in my present.

I decided to give it my best shot. With only a couple of weeks before the start of exams, I flipped the script. I decided that not only was I going to study, but I was going to study like someone who intended to do well.

I recorded a cassette tape affirming my ability to concentrate, to study and to understand and retain what I'd learned. I spoke my desire and firm intention to receive "all grade 1s".

Every day for the next few weeks, I would listen to the secret tape of myself speaking words that seemed impossible. And then I would get to work. I followed a strict study plan, working late into the night revising for my exams.

I gave it my all and then some.

After a long hot summer, which you will hear about in future posts, the results came back. I had placed in the top three for CXC results at my school that year: four grade 1s in Math, English, History and Physics, and 2s in the rest of my subjects. No fails.

For once in my life, I had managed to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. I had reversed my fortunes. I was not a failure. My academic career would continue with the chance to sit A-Levels and possibly attend university after that.

Start Thriving Now

What if it’s possible to change your limiting beliefs? What if it’s possible to challenge the limits you’ve placed on yourself? What if it's possible to defy the conclusions you’ve reached based on your experiences, family history and community expectations? What if it's possible to make the small shifts in your path which would drastically improve your future happiness and success?

I believe that thriving is our natural and intended way to be as human beings. We are meant to continue learning and developing. We are meant to continue to grow throughout our lives.

You are meant to thrive!

The only thing standing in the way of our continued advancement is the power we've given up through the choices we've made along the way. We have choices placed before us every day

I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Choose life.

—Deut. 30:19

You can choose to thrive this very instant, by challenging your long held beliefs.

Developing the habit of thriving will take time, patience and practice.

Today’s Challenge - Ask Yourself: What If?

None of us is getting everything right. No matter how well we are doing in certain areas, there are always other areas that could do with improvement. That's what thriving is all about: continuous growth. Thriving involves consistently working on being better than we were before.

Are you ready to start thriving in more areas of your life? Grab a pen and some paper.

In what area are you experiencing the least abundance? Where in your life would you like to see growth? Where would you most like to see improvement?

• Are you at your optimum physically?
• Are you flourishing in your relationships and family life?
• Are you growing steadily in your career and business?

1. Write down one thing in your life that needs improvement. Just pick the first thing that jumps to mind. "I'd like to improve _______________________." Or "I'd like to grow in _______________________."
2. Ask yourself why you are not flourishing the way you’d like. Write down all your answers even if it's a really long list. For example: I'm not not happy in my job because... my boss hates me, the commute is too long, I don't get to spend enough time with my kids, it's boring, it doesn't pay the bills, there's no room for advancement, my chair is uncomfortable.
3. Challenge each of your responses by asking yourself what if? Challenge the truth of your belief or find some small action that you could take over time to improve it. What if my chair isn't uncomfortable but my posture has worsened? What if I start walking daily or doing strength training to improve my posture? What if I make a request with my supervisor or HR for a new chair?
4. Choose one thing from your list of 'what ifs' and turn it into a new possibility.

• What if I woke up ten minutes earlier every morning?
• What if I made a date to make brunch together with my children every Sunday?
• What if I made an appointment to sit with supervisor to ask for feedback on ways to meet her expectations?
• What if I forgave my birth mother for abandoning me?
• What if I signed up for some courses at an online university
• What if I started saving $25 a week from my paycheck?
• What if I signed up for a dance class?
• What if I opened my heart to love again?
• What if I applied for a promotion?

Commit to just ONE THING to start doing immediately and consistently, and watch yourself start to thrive!

If this post inspired you to take action, I’d love to hear from you! Drop a comment ?? stating the one thing you chose to commit to challenging or doing differently going forward, or message me ?? privately here on LinkedIn.

About the author - Joya Cousin

I was born in Antigua and Barbuda in the Caribbean.

I went from SURVIVING a lackluster performance through High School and University to STRIVING with the best players through a twenty year career with the Big Four accounting firms, exclusive luxury resorts, and powerhouse telecommunications companies.

I am now THRIVING after leaving it all behind for love, marrying my soul mate, and discovering my true calling as a Portrait Painter in France.

I now paint portraits full-time helping international clients tell their love stories on canvas.

I'm passionate not only about art but about personal growth. I created this newsletter because I believe that we were all born to thrive. Join me for the journey!