Start with a smile, follow it up with a Hello

Simple isn't it?

But so many of us don't do this. We just walk by.

Our natural reluctance to do so, is alluring and strange at the same time. For the longest time, I kept wondering why is it so?

Is it a Cultural Barrier OR a Conditioning Barrier (fallout of our formative years) OR a Human Barrier (auto programming)?

In my growing up days, I thought this was natural, but as I grew older, I caught my mind, making a zillion permutations and combination on who to smile at, till what stretch of the smile to go and when to or not to follow it up with an hello!

In my international trips, I realised, most would instantly smile and follow it up with a 'hello' or 'how are you'. I found the same when I would do my bike trips to smaller hill station and some very remote places here in India.

Most often it would lead to some brilliant conversations, some selfies, some quick advices on where to go next and what to try, that was originally not in the plan. Then I wonder what's wrong with the same me, when I am in my environment of daily life. I made it into a social experiment some 14 months back and this is what I discovered.

The Diagnosis

This barrier we feel, to say an hello is ubiquitous to both Level 1 and Level 2 strangers.

Level 1 Strangers are people we bump into everyday yet we walk away indifferently or with a quick, catch me not, eye contact. These are people we cross/bump into daily in our offices, school our kids get dropped of at, neighbors, people we cross everyday in morning and evening walks, at your gyms and similar.

Level 2 Strangers are people we bump into without any repetition at all. People we bump into in metros, walkways, lifts, in our holidays, on a tea stall, at a parking, everywhere.

The Prognosis

Observation 1

Often the same person might smile and say hello if he/she isn't in her own immediate environment but might restraint most in their home ground. I am no behavioral scientist like Malcolm Gladwell or Dan Ariely, but what I can say with past many months of observations, is that ; this is because when you are outside of your own home ground you become more open and seeking, your guard rails are lowered. Ditto when you have some wine in your belly.

Same with my folks, dad went up to an Indian couple they never knew of and said hello, in an international group tour and since then, they four do trips together, and the interesting part is they live some 2153 kms apart. (one in Gurgoan, the other in Bangalore)

This would mean that there is more effort TO NOT SMILE OR NOT SAY HELLO than to do so. This would imply it's not a Human Barrier, because we are suppressing our first desire by something else, some other conditioning.

Observation 2

When people are in proximity for a longer period, they tend to be more receptive. For instance, if you had a 24hr long train journey, versus an 1hr of flight journey, you would tend to say hello and have a conversations, may be even exchange numbers. Ditto for sharing a lift to the next floor versus an Uber pool ride to the next drop off.

As many times I have shared a hello with Level 2 strangers, odds were always positive that the other person would carry on the conversation. One time I met this girl in my Uber pool ride and soon I discovered, she is married to a batch mate of mine from college. Small world, literally!

This would mean that, we have an INNATE WANT TO KNOW THE PERSON NEXT TO US but something over rides that feeling/want. This would imply it's not a Cultural Barrier, because we overcome it instantaneously, whenever convenient.

Observation 3

When we were kids, we would often not talk to our folks friends kids in the first meeting, until instructed to do so and to share toys with, latter we would be best buddies. As grown ups, we would not say hello to a fellow co-worker for months, until someone breaks the ice, introducing both sides and then we say things like, we always cross each other and never said hi, could led to the following weekend call over and soon friends for life. Same with the people we meet in gym, walks and park.

This has happened to me many times over and one of the closest friends I have is one I shared an hello with during my notice period in my second last company and today we do shared holidays and everything in-between, often wondering why we didn't exchange an hello earlier on. (We both were in the same company for over 2 years and were Level 1 strangers, only during my notice period did I say hi and get along with him like a house on fire). The other close friend, I said an hello to in my Gym recently, now has become a close family friend as we both have daughters of the same age and were inherently were looking for bonding over the same, for the sake of our kids.

This would possible mean, the barrier is a Conditional Barrier and that's a good finding. Cause unlike the other two barriers, this one is easier to unlearn with relatively lil effort.

The Cure

In my books, I have put this as a Conditional Barrier and have tried to smile and say hello to people/stranger as many times I got a chance to, in both Level 1 and Level 2.

I might have come across as being over friendly, but hey, it's better than being the other person.

When I recently joined a new company, some 3 weeks back, I have smiled and said hello to each one I meet/met. This did two things, one, I met and befriend people from departments that I wouldn't otherwise know, second, I invited some over to socialise with and in both the weekends that followed, some declined to come over, may be it was too soon, but hey I tried, and that counts.

We have nothing to loose, besides this strange feeling one gets, a weird tingling sensation or at times a feeling of being low when people don't reciprocate to you.

Don't worry, it's just your ego and some degree of self respect getting some chiseling.

But then isn't that what taking a risk feels like, and to not take any risk at any level is living in sameness, day in and day out, how boring!

With time, you can master to let that strange tingling feeling get out of the way. Cause with the odds stocked up on your side of people saying a hello back and the conversations that follow, brings with it an adventure of a life time.

The Positive Side Effects

• Future Friends that might not have been, had you not said a hello
• More perspectives, than just yours alone
• An adventure each day, everyday
• The road - unknown, now known
• Possibilities of infinite, than the predictability of finite

From Today on

Start with Level 1 strangers and graduate to Level 2. It will take time and will feel odd, but that's what happens' when you try to unlearn some decades of conditioning.

Enjoy your Sunday buddy, I have some friends coming over for dinner from once a Level 1 stranger class. Have to get back to my cooking and looking forward to some brilliant conversations this evening.

"Don't talk to strangers" is overrated.

Smile, Say Hello, Talk and Let the Adventures Began.

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Connect with me on LinkedIn or at [email protected] for a conversation on digital, marketing, consumer insights and philosophy. I meet people on Saturdays between 11am – 1pm to help curate and predict the future of consumer marketing and digital intervention.