Start with HOW to build your "Resilience"?

"Resilience" is the element that all big organizations are seeking, yet it is easy to say but hard to assess and evaluate. Some say this is born by nature, while others say it can be trained like your muscles, hence, the conversation goes on and on with many debates and discussions on what "Resilience" really is, how to assess if someone has it or not, how to build those muscles for the workforce, etc.

I used to be part of those debates until I got a chance to read an amazing book that enlightened me on a whole new concept and truly touched every scene of reality that coincidentally I have been living with and interacted with.

The book was "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do" by Amy Morin. But I need to warn you, the beginning of the book is not easy to go through, it started with Amy's journey on exploring the real meaning of "Resilience" in pain and tragedy of her own life. The way Amy defined "Resilience" is simply the inner strength, or, in another word is "Mental Strength" of a person, and yes, these muscles could be trained and require lots of work, focus, and effort, but it's very possible.

While the world keeps talking about Resilience starting with having strong Mental Health, Amy distinguishes very clearly what Mental Strength is , and what it is not, this concept could be a myth, but under Amy's view, it's clearly articulated into human behaviors that it's easy for us to self-reflect, self-regulate, and self-grow.

You will never become an expert at anything by simply reading a book or listening to a song. Athletes don't become elite competitors after reading about sports, nor top musicians increase their musical abilities by simply watching other performers play. They all have to practice, and good habits will start to be built to become stronger and stronger. The list of 13 things shared by Amy is actually just a checklist of habits that help you find better ways to cope with life's challenges, it does not help to magically remove your obstacles. Remember, all starts with "YOU" and only you have the power to make "CHOICES" to be a little better than you were yesterday.

I am humbly and pleasurably keen on sharing with all of you 4 out of 13 things in Amy's checklist as my most favorite ones through my glasses:

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1. Don't waste time feeling sorry for yourself: If you remember another sharing of mine about "Putting responsible glass on", you probably agree with me that Self-pity is arguably the most destructive among non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it's addictive, provides temporary pleasure, and detaches the victims from reality. Instead, let's try to behave in manner that makes it hard to feel sorry for yourself, such as by performing a random act of kindness by donating to a charity community or helping the wandering kids on the street...it will help to take your mind off your problems and bring more meaning to your day. I am sure you will see your problems in different ways, and you will tell yourself at the end, "My problems are nothing compared to others outside there. I am still lucky to have a chance to change my situation to make it better.".
2. Don't give away your power: "when we hate our enemies, we are giving them power over us: power over our sleep, our appetites, our blood pressure, our health, and our happiness" (Dale Carnegie). In another way, it means that you rely on others to regulate your emotions, allow them to determine your self-worth, avoid real issues, and being overly sensitive to criticism instead of evaluating it, all may lead to a loss of focus on your goals, damage relationships, and ultimately result in becoming a victim of your own circumstances. Let's reclaim your power through a strong sense of self-worth: (i) Reframe your language to boost your self-worth. (ii) Manage your inner-voice to make a conscious choice. (iii) Evaluate feedback critically by taking the time to calm down and decide how you would like to proceed next. Remember, never allow one person's opinion to define you. (iv) Recognize that you have choices in everything you do, think, and feel, you are totally free.
3. Don't focus on things you can't control: All the events that happened to you, shall you confidently say you are on top of all? I am sure that your locus of control will speak first before you have any chance. Locus of control is built on the belief system of a human being. People with an external locus of control believe that their life depend on luck, destiny, or fate, their motto is "whatever's meant to be will be.". People with an internal locus of control believe in themselves to have full control over their future. The art of balancing your sense of control will determine how you view your circumstances, followed by your acts. The world we live in has evolved so rapidly that now everyone has the freedom to choose their education, love, lifestyle, and work. The outdated concept of control has given way to "Influencing without authority.". And all this starts with practicing Acceptance. A high sense of control often makes great CEOs because they believe in their ability to make a difference, which has been redefining, especially post-pandemic.
4. Don't feel the world owes you anything, as if you are the center of the universe. We all naturally desire our fair share in life, yet the term "fair" can be quite manipulative. We inhabit a world where the lines between rights and privileges often blur. "Right to happiness," "Right to respectful treatment"—as though these imply we must encroach upon others' rights to fulfill our desires, or in another world, we want to be the center of the universe. Instead of earning privileges, we often behave as if society owes us something, which fosters a sense of entitlement stemming from erroneous beliefs about our own importance. When you don't receive everything you desire, a sense of entitlement may foster bitterness, as it can make you feel unjustly victimized—whether you're consciously or unconsciously donning the victim's lens. It's time to switch off the victim mode and switch on the responsible mode, your self-esteem only grows stronger when you are fully aware of your sense of entitlement and master at navigating it to help others instead of yourself (giving, not taking).

?It was coincidental but totally changed the way I see things, as well as my self-reflection. It led to important decisions in my life that gave me a greater sense of fulfilment than ever. The day I decided to leave the organization where I had been for 8 years (indeed, it was that organization which nurtured my growth and shaped me into the professional I am today, and for that, I will always be grateful and thankful), people said it was a terrible decision, that I wouldn't find another place offering such a stable income and a fast-track career. But talking to myself, believing it's my life and my career, and thinking "don't let the world tell you who you should be," I submitted and stood by my resignation. Two weeks later, I decided to join a new organization known for its high pressure and tough challenges. People, again, said I was out of my mind, that it wasn't a perfect match, and that I would soon regret it. Ignoring the outside world, I returned to my personal values and what gave me the most confidence to move forward. I was content with this decision; though the future is unpredictable, I told myself that I chose to be the one to unveil the myth and explore the possibilities.

Developing mental strength isn't about being the best at everything, nor is it about earning the most money or achieving the greatest accomplishments. Rather, it's about understanding that I will be fine regardless of what occurs, and that I will always be well-prepared for any situations I may face. Moreover, it means living in alignment with my values, regardless of the challenges life presents.

Becoming mentally strong fosters resilience, enabling you to be your best self, have the courage to do what is right, and develop genuine comfort with who you are and your potential for achievement.

I hope the sharing wasn't too lengthy and that you've been able to read to this point. The above is my perspective, but I'm eager to hear yours as well. We are all still learning on this journey, and the best method is to learn from one another.