Start 'em Young: Planting Little Seeds of Allyship in my Children

When I first openly shared the importance of allyship I claimed that I was "starting my journey". I quickly learned that to many of my colleagues I had already actively been an ally but I just didn't know it. Colleagues I worked with had shared moments where I *inadvertently* supported them. It included times they were having a child both before and after coming back to work. Other colleagues have told me that I helped give them confidence in meetings or just supported them through their career. I didn't know that was allyship back then, I was just being me.

As I thought more about this, I thought what kind of impact could I have had on more of my colleagues and team members through the years if I had consciously been advocating for them - if I had intentionally been trying to be an ally?

Similar to most things in my life this led me to thinking about my children. In particular my son (but also my 2 daughters). Am I being a good role model for them? Are my actions showing them the importance of being an ally and helping understand how important this role is?

As I thought more about this, I started to plan out the areas which I believe could help increase the awareness around this topic for my children.

Lead by values. Demonstrate and live by them - kids will follow their parents

Something I’ve started to do with the kids before bedtime is I asking 3 simple questions:

• What are you grateful for?
• What have you learned today?
• What have you done that is kind today?

The idea is to help my children understand the importance of curiosity and empathy. These are values I try to make the foundations for the family and we showcase it around the house.?

Model Inclusive behaviour

My wife and I try our best to share responsibilities 50/50. We are both full time workers and both find the balance between parenting and work challenging at times. That said, we are committed to supporting one another and working together to demonstrate to our kids that we are equal and work is equally important to both of us. This goes as far as consciously trying to combat gender stereotypes to prove we can all do “everything”. I'm lucky to be able to work at home more freely than my wife, so I'm around after school and drop kids off in the morning. We share driving responsibilities, both attend parent days, both change nappies, take kids to the docs when they are sick and so on and forth...?

With this, we hope that there is no role that is solely for Dad or Mum. Both parents can do anything and we are seen as equal.

Discuss Privilege Openly

There are lots of good kids books out there which I think can really help. I'm a big fan of the "Little People, Big Dreams" series. Great stories written about famous people, many of which had to go through struggles of race and privilege to get to success in the end. Examples include; Rosa Parks, Audrey Hepburn, Ella Fitzgerald, Ada Lovelace, Emmeline Pankhurst, Frida Kahlo, Coco Chanel, Maya Angelou, Amelia Earhart, Greta Thunberg, Elton John, Malala Yousafzai, Mindy Kaling, Prince and Muhammed Ali.?

After reading one of these books to my kids I always like to ask them what they learned from the book and if they can tell the story back to me.

I find this helps to cement some of the values around empathy and curiosity that I hold so strongly.

Encourage Action

I believe that most people are inherently good and do not want bad things to happen to any minority or under privileged group. But there is a difference between not wanting bad things to happen and actually standing up, speaking up and taking action. Those that show support whether intentional or not are allies. This is a tough one to teach. I myself look back at moments in my life where I wish I had been stronger enough to speak up against the majority. To have the courage to call out the inappropriate joke that the rest of the group are laughing at.?

This is something I have pledged to do going forward. But how do you teach this to kids who learning all about life and ultimately just want to be loved and liked just like all of us?

For me this is all about teaching in the moment. For example, if my son comes back from school and tells me about a friend who was made fun of at school. I will ask him:?

• What did he think about that situation? (normally his response is that he was sad).?
• Then I would ask, what did you do? This response can differ.
• What would you do if this happens again?
• What would you like someone else to do if this was happening to you?

I would then talk to him about the importance of not just acknowledging the "bullying" but being brave and courageous enough to speak up and tell the other kid to stop.? The goal here is to help encourage them to understand and also what to say.

Being an ally is a lifelong process. In the same sense that learning is a lifelong process, allyship isn’t about waiting for someone else to invite you to become an ally – you simply recognise the help you can offer and take the initiative. This won’t come in a shiny glorious epiphany, you’ll need to learn as you go. The beauty of allyship is you don’t assume you are not wanted because no one asked. Anyone can be an ally to someone else.

Hard pill to swallow but it took me 40 years to realise the importance of this role as someone who comes from a privileged background. Despite this I also had my own issues around being the only 'Egyptian' kid at school, an issue I tried to resolve by mixing in as opposed to being my authentic self.?

Having the right allies' support can help people really identify themselves.?

Encouraging our children to be curious, kind and grateful are some of the tools I like to use to help increase their awareness of topics that did not enter my mind until recently. These are powerful topics that for the first time are being discussed openly and although many are still scared to share their importance, we continue to talk out and arm our children with the confidence to do the same.

How to be an ally isn’t a “one size fits all” approach. It’s especially different when we have our own sets of values that we want to impart on our children.

If you’re looking to start somewhere, I’ve found the 4 steps below helpful in my own journey:

How to Help Your Child Be An Ally

1. Spell out your values—and show your kids how you live them. ...?
2. Practice at home. ...?
3. Help them understand when to speak up (and what to say)—as well as when to get an adult. ...?
4. Encourage them to comfort the child who has been targeted

Would love to hear some of the ways other parents, guardians, educators are helping in their own ways to raise children as allies!